Okay, so I've played a bit, and there are a few things I'd like to say:
I like the story. From what I can tell, it was well-designed. You're good at the whole story-thing.
The gameplay: Idk, but it seems like this has been overdone. Maybe I haven't gotten that far, but I think a few puzzles would improve it incredibly.
Encrypt your data: I can't stress this enough. People can hack the game and basically cheat their way to victory...Cheating's no fun, after all!
Okay, I'm kind of guilty of cheating. I played and...forgot...to...save...So, I hacked it so that I could spawn exactly where I left off.
Also, I'd be glad to help with your grammar! I need a good side-project. To get away from my five projects...Besides, when I'm older, I want to be an English teacher, so I need the practice.