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#1 Tsarmina

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Posted 12 December 2014 - 05:41 PM

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Hey guys! It's Tsarmina, back again, attempting to relieve herself of some mid-exam-week(s) stress through the cathartic experience of...writing...stuff.

 

Yeah. That's a good description.

 

Sketches: A Woman in Venice is a little collection of random stuffs that I'm typing up whenever I have a few extra minutes, and they're the writing kind of sketches, not drawing. (For once.) The writing style is meant to be slightly reminiscent of classical writing, mixed in with some symbolism and mysteriousness...so if sentences don't seem to make sense, it might be intentional. ^-^ And they're short, very. Since they're sketches, they're meant to paint a picture in your mind and maybe make some reflections, not to tell a legit story. By the time I'm all the way done with every single sketch though, you probably WILL have a story in mind! :D

 

definitely not historical because I was too lazy to do proper research on Venice hehe

 

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 2. Sketches of: The Dollhouse

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3. Sketches of: The Reflection

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4. Sketches of: the Sprawl

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5. Sketches of: Glazed Sunsets

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Sketch six is in progress! :)


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#2 Knighterius

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Posted 14 December 2014 - 06:45 PM

This was a really good read!! ^~^ Your writing style is blunt in some forms which I love but most of all in the short well written sentences you pack enough detail that doesn't make it too boring nor too bland. Just the right amount of love and care put into this first piece that I can't help but just keep reading. Can't wait for more.


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#3 Spectre

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Posted 14 December 2014 - 06:46 PM

Haha, a very interesting and sharp depiction of the archetype of a "bumbling young lady"; I loved how you portrayed the element of speaking her thoughts and retorting them quickly in defense, and how you've included societal archetypes of women woven well into the narrative (could be a little less jarring with the parts about dad's traditionalism, though).

There is a lot of direct depiction and romanticism evident in your writing, and it lends well to the contrast with your bumbling protagonist/narrator. Nicely done. :)

BTW, if you do have time, I've got my little short here. Mind you, it's a little dark. It tells the story of a necromancer.
http://www.rpgmakerv...nt/#entry198063

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#4 Tsarmina

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Posted 14 December 2014 - 08:40 PM

This was a really good read!! ^~^ Your writing style is blunt in some forms which I love but most of all in the short well written sentences you pack enough detail that doesn't make it too boring nor too bland. Just the right amount of love and care put into this first piece that I can't help but just keep reading. Can't wait for more.

Thanks! I wanted to keep it relatively straightforward but also kinda flowery, that was the style I was going for ^-^ Uwaa this made me so happy :D

 

 

Haha, a very interesting and sharp depiction of the archetype of a "bumbling young lady"; I loved how you portrayed the element of speaking her thoughts and retorting them quickly in defense, and how you've included societal archetypes of women woven well into the narrative (could be a little less jarring with the parts about dad's traditionalism, though).

There is a lot of direct depiction and romanticism evident in your writing, and it lends well to the contrast with your bumbling protagonist/narrator. Nicely done. :)

BTW, if you do have time, I've got my little short here. Mind you, it's a little dark. It tells the story of a necromancer.
http://www.rpgmakerv...nt/#entry198063

Actually, I didn't even realise that I did that! Haha. :) I'll take your advice to heart!~

 

Ooh, I saw that. I wasn't entirely sure on how to comment on it. It's pretty dark, and I'm pretty sure I didn't understand it in its entirety (I am a light-minded, innocent little redhead girl! :x ), but your writing is very...brushing. That's a good thing ^^" (lol)


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#5 BluMiu

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Posted 19 December 2014 - 06:53 PM

 

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Hey guys! It's Tsarmina, back again, attempting to relieve herself of some mid-exam-week(s) stress through the cathartic experience of...writing...stuff.

 

Yeah. That's a good description.

 

Sketches: A Woman in Venice is a little collection of random stuffs that I'm typing up whenever I have a few extra minutes, and they're the writing kind of sketches, not drawing. (For once.) The writing style is meant to be slightly reminiscent of classical writing, mixed in with some symbolism and mysteriousness...so if sentences don't seem to make sense, it might be intentional. ^-^ And they're short, very. Since they're sketches, they're meant to paint a picture in your mind and maybe make some reflections, not to tell a legit story. By the time I'm all the way done with every single sketch though, you probably WILL have a story in mind! :D

 

definitely not historical because I was too lazy to do proper research on Venice hehe

 

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Sketch two is in progress! :) (Sketches of: The Dollhouse)

 

Excellent read and I really enjoyed your nod to the old form of writing. It's good to see some literary skills on here and wish there was more :) All the games we love are birthed from thus, then the artwork follows. I have to say joyfully, that your word choice stood out quickly. As you said, some might find it hard to read something that sounds poetic yet I'm used to it enough to appreciate it~ More than that is how you used it not just for 'big words' sake but, for the fact that it did indeed help paint a picture of what was being described. If this turns into a short story, I'll definitely be staying tuned for the rest of it. Thanks so much for sharing and keep up the amazing writing, madam~ ^_^



#6 Tsarmina

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Posted 19 December 2014 - 07:13 PM

Thank you Blumiu! ^-^ I put a lot of effort into mastering English...hehehe. I was happy to adopt the poetic-prose style for sketches. Which reminds me, I have to put up Chapter Two soon o.o I promised but didn't deliver! aah. 

 

Your compliments are deeply flattering too >////< Thank you so much! *huggy*


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#7 BluMiu

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Posted 20 December 2014 - 06:10 AM

Thank you Blumiu! ^-^ I put a lot of effort into mastering English...hehehe. I was happy to adopt the poetic-prose style for sketches. Which reminds me, I have to put up Chapter Two soon o.o I promised but didn't deliver! aah. 

 

Your compliments are deeply flattering too >////< Thank you so much! *huggy*

You're more than welcome, Tsarmina ^_^ I am a bit envious if English is your second language or you put for the effort to master it as you said. However, much as a love the prose you use, it is better suited to what you are writing than a dark fantasy. Not sure if I am right in my thinking but, fiction itself is engaging due to the elements of disbelief and fantasy involved, though one still has to be a good writer with understanding of grammar. Non-fiction can be just as engaging yet the word choice can take an ordinary scene and transform it into something like fantasy just by choosing the right words. I think you did such very well :)

I mean really, if you just look at what you wrote, you did not say all that much aside from a young woman talking about her family and how her status stifles her. That and how short it is shouldn't stand out so much but it was each line read that gave a feeling of depth. Not to mention it fits the setting and THANK YOU for picking lovely Italy as your location. Tis a smile crossed me, it did~ The more compliments, the merrier! Least it will motivate you to wrote more, haha! When your Winter breaks rolls around you will have some time in-between festivities if you are celebrating. 

 

PS- *Caught a small, small thing at one part.

 

accomplishments of the day and meticulously record then in a small ledger filled

 

*should be them where 'then' is. Only thing I found so that is great. I caught a horrid amount when I went back on my 1st chapter and I'm sure I'll find the same in the 2nd. Also, is the girl's mother truly a lazy woman or is has she been bored out of her mind from the cushy lifestyle that her daughter is going against? I feel sad for her in a way because of that thought but, I could be wrong ^_^ Anyways, later! *hugs back*



#8 Tsarmina

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Posted 20 December 2014 - 11:33 AM

I'm on winter break now ^-^ Exams finished on Friday yaaaah! 

 

I like to take on different writing styles for different genres--it's a little interesting since the first writing I've posted on here is realistic fiction, but I'm really a fantasy writer myself. I have a love-hate relationship with poetic prose, but it's also fun to write in a much more informal style if I feel like it. 

 

I've never been to Italy and I really want to. TT^TT I didn't do research on Venice either (bad redhead!), so....uhmmm....may not be the most realistically laid-out setting, but the sketches are really more just for fun than for accuracy. XD

 

 

PS- *Caught a small, small thing at one part.

 

accomplishments of the day and meticulously record then in a small ledger filled

 

*should be them where 'then' is. Only thing I found so that is great. I caught a horrid amount when I went back on my 1st chapter and I'm sure I'll find the same in the 2nd. Also, is the girl's mother truly a lazy woman or is has she been bored out of her mind from the cushy lifestyle that her daughter is going against? I feel sad for her in a way because of that thought but, I could be wrong ^_^ Anyways, later! *hugs back*

 

I blame the keyboard XD I was writing it on my phone. I fixed it, thanks! :) 

 

I'm actually...not sure about Bessima. (|||O-o) That is a really good thought, though. It's not the wisest idea but I'm almost entirely improvising on them. At least it isn't a legitimate novel or story, or I would probably end up with quite a few plot holes once I got farther in. ^^" Aaah now I want to finish the second sketch. I haven't touched it for a while!


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#9 BluMiu

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Posted 20 December 2014 - 11:27 PM

I'm on winter break now ^-^ Exams finished on Friday yaaaah! 

 

I like to take on different writing styles for different genres--it's a little interesting since the first writing I've posted on here is realistic fiction, but I'm really a fantasy writer myself. I have a love-hate relationship with poetic prose, but it's also fun to write in a much more informal style if I feel like it. 

 

I've never been to Italy and I really want to. TT^TT I didn't do research on Venice either (bad redhead!), so....uhmmm....may not be the most realistically laid-out setting, but the sketches are really more just for fun than for accuracy. XD

 

 

PS- *Caught a small, small thing at one part.

 

accomplishments of the day and meticulously record then in a small ledger filled

 

*should be them where 'then' is. Only thing I found so that is great. I caught a horrid amount when I went back on my 1st chapter and I'm sure I'll find the same in the 2nd. Also, is the girl's mother truly a lazy woman or is has she been bored out of her mind from the cushy lifestyle that her daughter is going against? I feel sad for her in a way because of that thought but, I could be wrong ^_^ Anyways, later! *hugs back*

 

I blame the keyboard XD I was writing it on my phone. I fixed it, thanks! :)

 

I'm actually...not sure about Bessima. (|||O-o) That is a really good thought, though. It's not the wisest idea but I'm almost entirely improvising on them. At least it isn't a legitimate novel or story, or I would probably end up with quite a few plot holes once I got farther in. ^^" Aaah now I want to finish the second sketch. I haven't touched it for a while!

What the?! You're improvising this? Lol! XD You're doing good so far then, it will be interesting to see how things turn out,

depending on how far you go.



#10 Tsarmina

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Posted 22 December 2014 - 04:21 PM

Putting up sketch 2, as promised. :)

 2. Sketches of: The Dollhouse

 

Most of our section of town, I would think, would wholly agree with me in saying that the d'Artusios (that is, we) owned one of the nicest townhouses; undecorated as it was, the maids kept it clean enough that visitors found our house in pristine condition no matter how many years had passed. Of course, had it been a large number of years, Valerie and I obviously changed much when growing out of childhood, while the house that encased us protectively looked almost exactly as it had ten years ago (at least according to Father, who remembered these circumstantial details much more finely than me or Valerie). I sometimes pictured viewing the house from above, watching the porcelain girls walk about, see the slight-bodied maids scurry to and fro with brooms or messages--how quaint our lives must have seemed, all dressed up and tied with a bow in this little brownstone box.

The house was set up like a typical dollhouse setting. The small kitchens on the left side, a relatively empty foyer with no real purpose, stairs that led up to the rooms and studies, even Valerie's picturesque room with its stereotypically pink curtains parted across the window like identical swoops of rose petal. Everything appeared cozily tucked away with just the right space, as though if I were able to fold the house up, it would make a picture package. Of course, our privileged home had its deviations. The art gallery with the huge windows was one, not that anyone used it except for Valerie and her teacher. The distinct lack of a balcony was another; when playing dolls with Valerie when we were but little girls, I remembered balancing the tiny porcelain figurines against the railing of the balcony. We even once had a ballroom-worthy dance space in the center of the first floor of the house, but Father preferred us to go out to parties instead of host them and he had the space divided up into maids' quarters and a pantry. It was a true shame, I thought, and it appeared that Mother was inclined to agree with me, though it was nearly always tacit opinion from her. At least the pantry was handy and I occasionally snuck a jar of jam from the back shelves if I felt my morning meal wasn't flavorful enough. 

Leading out of the back of the pantry was a secret-but-not-secret staircase that led straight up to the hallway dividing my and Valerie's rooms. It had originally been the gilded staircase that led from the ballroom to the top floor, but after Father had the ballroom transformed into rooms and the pantry, the staircase ended up in the very back of the pantry, only accessible if you were willing to hike up your skirts a scandalous amount and climb over sacks of grain, and even then it was faded with disuse and smelled of humidity and dust. Valerie and I used to play in it back in the day when it was a little more presentable, but now it was largely unused by anyone except spiders. 

The staircase led up to what had originally been an open landing in the hallway, which would have been all the more surreal because it led down into a pantry. Father had the upper entrance to the staircase closed off with a wall and a door that was supposed to be locked but never was. The hallway of its location was the narrow wooden one that separated my and Valerie's rooms like the river been Taurus and Vega. If one came down the hallway, my room was on the right, and hers was on the left--easily recognisable by the artistic flares she had added to her doorframe. In fact, the only truly decorated places in the house were those that Valerie frequented. Upon stepping in her doorway, light would spill from the single candy-curtain framed window, and the walls were plastered with soft inky sketches, watercolor washes that formed pictures, colors of a pale and fresh origin. Both of our rooms were small, but Valerie managed to make hers look larger with the way she had painted it. 

My room, across the hall and a few asteps down, was incredibly minimalist and almost austere. The walls were blank, and the small window located past the foot of my bed was almost always covered because I so often forgot to pull back the curtain in the morning. The only source of pattern in the room was the bedspread, which had an old-fashioned maroon and gold curlicue theme across it. Valerie didn't think much of it. To be honest, neither did I.

I was in the room at night, sitting at the small vanity and brushing out my thick waves of long copper hair. Father often convinced me to tie my hair up because it was so long, but having it tucked up all the time in a severe wrapped-braid updo tugged at my scalp and made me uncomfortable. The braid left my hair in natural large waves, which shimmered against the lamplight like metal. Undone, the waves fell well past the top of my hip bones. My brush, lying face up next to the vanity, was clogged with strands so long they trailed across the desk. I was also always in the room at morning, brushing my hair again, the brush collecting more strands, and trading my heavy silken nightgown for light cotton dresses in the warm seasons and thick ones with wool wraps when cold pervaded every corner of the house in the frigid months like the touch of an icy finger. I had many dresses, not even formal ones, but because Father never passed an opportunity to teach me and Valerie something valuable about the way that we presented ourselves. Both of us were highly skilled at beautifying ourselves, I suppose, but it never seemed something to boast about. Rather, it was something that stirred me a little shame, not that it should have. Still, I sometimes went to sleep at night, listening to the water, wondering if there was to be purpose in the dollhouse life other than appearing lovely at parties and learning etiquette when the former wasn't applicable. 

The bathing-room was one of my favorite rooms in the house. It seems odd to say this, but I appreciated the pale colors of the walls, the cool smooth tiling of the floor, and the hundreds of aromatic flowery and herbal scents that forever graced the air in there as if they were permanently suspended. I found scents as pretty as colors, so my deepest investments were usually in my perfume, and the little glimmering crystal oil and soap bottles on the glass shelves of the bathing room only reminded me of the assemblage I had clustered on the vanity. There was a certain comfort in soaking myself in the water, chasing the dried rose petals across the surface with the tip of my index finger, and inhaling the clean moisture of steam. It provided a stark contrast to my room, which was dull and bland and smelled of wood and dust mixed with the soaring scents of my perfumes. I couldn't afford to spend much time in the bathing room, though--not because of lack of time; rather, both Valerie and I had far too much time on our hands, though she spent hers at a canvas--but because Father was determined to find some sort of talent or hobby for me. None of the ones he suggested quite took. I had a natural grace for dancing but it was too tiring for my limited stamina, and private dance tutors were an expensive luxury that Father wasn't willing to pay for if I wasn't going to put in the effort to broaden my skills; Valerie and I knew only basic dances, though at parties we often stared jealously at some of the ladies who could spin across the floor like fairies. Singing was not for me. I had a tuner voice but a small vocal range, and Father believed that operatic skill was the only one a girl should master. We quickly perished the thought. So, like any good doll, I ended up like my mother, sewing borders into handkerchiefs and embellishing curtains or stitching samplers. It was dull work, and envy sprang up like blossoms of fire in my fingers when I saw Valerie at work at her canvas, her face so serene and happy. She was a real doll, crafted from porcelain, tasked by an invisible controller to paint and enjoy. And I? I was still searching.

---

 

All I can say is....

It's unedited.....XD


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#11 Knighterius

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Posted 22 December 2014 - 04:30 PM

I love that Mina Harker short hand feel to all your work, it's so enticing. Have you ever read Dracula by Bram Stoker? Well it's my favourite Novel and gee whizz when I read your stuff it reminds me of Mina's journal entries ^~^ I love it! ^~^ I must say my favourite passage would have to be how you ended this one. "She was a real doll, crafted from porcelain, tasked by an invisible controller to paint and enjoy. And I? I was still searching". I really loved that. It felt like an amazing way to pause. x) ^~^ 


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#12 Tsarmina

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Posted 24 December 2014 - 11:29 AM

Ooh, you're one for the classics, Knighty! :) emoji_u1f36a.png Here. Classics are good. (I remember I used to hate them when I was really little...they were so boring haha!)

 

Tankies! I actually wasn't sure how to end this sketch so I decided to plop in some sort of philosophicalish statement hehehe. I really want to get sketch three done but I'm actually having some trouble with it! It's a much narrower focus than sketches one and two O_o


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#13 Knighterius

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Posted 24 December 2014 - 02:49 PM

Ooh, you're one for the classics, Knighty! :) emoji_u1f36a.png Here. Classics are good. (I remember I used to hate them when I was really little...they were so boring haha!)

 

Tankies! I actually wasn't sure how to end this sketch so I decided to plop in some sort of philosophicalish statement hehehe. I really want to get sketch three done but I'm actually having some trouble with it! It's a much narrower focus than sketches one and two O_o

I must admit I couldn't sit there for very long, infact, I pushed myself to read them and now I love them. :)

 

Well you did a good job! ^~^ I am looking forward to the third one. Hmm, well don't push yourself when writing specifically or some major damage will happen o.o xD


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#14 Tsarmina

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Posted 25 December 2014 - 01:14 PM

Ikr ikr....I paused in writing them for a little bit but I suppose that I will pick it up very soon. I really wanna move onto the fourth and fifth sketches. I had good ideas for them X3 But I think I might actually save those for later! It becomes a little less "sketch" like and delves a little bit more into a slight narrative. Not with much real purpose though....just a bit of interesting banter and stuff here and there. o3o


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#15 BluMiu

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Posted 26 December 2014 - 08:02 AM

You painted another maginifico picture of detailing the lives of the d' Artusios, accounted by the little miss~ You really

feel like your touring about with her as she is explaining each room, its purpose and the atmosphere that should be

derived from it. What I also like most about this sketch is how the narrator goes into talking about herself a little more,

being more the plain sister compared to Valerie, taking after her mother as it would seem ^_^ That was insteresting

indeed, especially after talking about her/not talking about her in the previous writing. It flowed wonderfully~



#16 Tsarmina

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Posted 26 December 2014 - 09:42 AM

Thanks! :) It's funny, all I'm doing is writing what comes out of my fingers, and you find it to flow nicely with my other sketches. It's something that never even occurred to me! ^^

 

I have some time today where I'll be doing nothing....but road travel. O_o Maybe during then I can keep writing the third sketch if I feel like it, hehe. Which is funny that you should mention about Arietta talking about herself more, since the third sketch is almost all about Arietta! ^-^ 


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#17 BluMiu

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Posted 26 December 2014 - 07:21 PM

I wonder what this adrift young lady has to say? She knows what she doesn't want to do, or be like, yet

finds the drive to do otherwise escapes her vastly ^_^ She may still be young or just swallowed by the mundane

like her mother, but I'm interested to see what else you come up with on the fly. Each sketch doesn't go precisely

event to event since right now it is laying out an introductory chapter for characters and setting. Be safe on your

roadtrip and hope you find time to write a bit more :)



#18 Tsarmina

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Posted 29 December 2014 - 09:02 AM

The road trip is over ^^

 

Sadly, I got exactly 0 writing done on the sketches. I was too busy entertaining my little cousins. XD They just went home yesterday....ahhhh I'll miss them ;w;

 

In the meantime, Sketch 3 is still sitting there. We'll see if I can make any progress. :)


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#19 BluMiu

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Posted 29 December 2014 - 10:15 PM

As long as you enjoyed yourself then it was a trip well spent :) Glad everyone made it back safe so now you can GET TO WRITING!!!...kidding~ XD

Take your time, madam. That is, unless, you write fast.



#20 Tsarmina

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Posted 30 December 2014 - 08:53 PM

Ooh, a command to write XD Gladly!

 

The 3rd sketch is about halfway done, I expect. It might be a shorter one. I don't want Arietta to dwell on herself TOO much. XD


Current Game:

HIphr1M.pngPU44jON.png

♥ Resource Laboratory ♥ Sugar Sweet kaocoeur87.gif     ♥ Commissions ♥ A Woman in Venice 

^how i'm feeling

 

79zjX9d.png  RMBIdpX.pngiaODIXz.png bdPIu2t.png

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Also tagged with one or more of these keywords: writing, tsarmina, venice, sketches, descriptive, these were relaxing!, imma continue these too, 16th century, random...lol

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