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euthanization Entry 013: Goodbye, Oscar...

Tomorrow...July 2, 2020...
  My doggie, Oscar, is getting euthanized.
Why?
Let us just say that, for his breed he's well past his prime (a pug), and as a result...

1) is 94% blind, 96% deaf
2) can't walk or stand very well
3) bumps into everything, lack of spatial awareness
4) has issues with breathing and eating (the former an issue his whole life but is worse now)
5) jumps at the slightest thing
6) is obviously miserable
7) can't really be bothered to do much more than sleep
"How old is he?"
Had him since early 2005. He was a teeny little furball back then.
"I'm sorry."
It's alright; at least he's in somewhat better health than Max was back when he had to be euthanized back in 2016. You're gonna ask, so... Max was my other pug; got him mid 2003 and he was slightly more mature. His health declined quickly after 2011. He got to a point where he was completely blind and his eyes had turned blue, was completely deaf with a very shrill bark, and barely could move, eat or drink. I remember still, the last time I carried him down the stairs to go outside, and about two hours later, he had a seizure he never fully recovered from. Yeah.
I'm glad Max is gone; he no longer suffers at least. I will feel the same way about Oscar's euthanization, but, the catch is that even though I know he suffers, it's far less obvious, at least until you observe him walking over things and bumping into walls...
So...losing Oscar is going to hit me harder. I loved giving him rubs and scritches, and when he could keep up with my rhythm, walking him (I stopped walking him because he just cannot keep up anymore so I have someone else aiding me there since I have autism-related issues with my rhythm being upset like that). Likely, I won't be getting another pet. Actually, it might be good to just not have one at all for a while. However, my depression is only going to be worsened by this...
Anyway, just wanted to say something about this, in case something comes up down the line as a result of the tragedy...
May the Divines guide us all...
 

Entry 00C: Ramsey and More Problems

So, I've hit yet another roadblock, and I've no clue how to go around it.

I don't have the endurance to stress over these, so if this is something I'm forced to solve on my own, Ramsey v0.1.5 is as far as this goes, and will be the last RM project I do any level of serious work on. It's too much for me to try to create something that I cannot fit into a lacking skill set.

Okay, so you're wondering what the issue is, and why I didn't post this in the RGSS boards.
The latter reason is that I need to talk about this in an open fashion and I can't do that without reprimand in the RGSS board.

The issue:
So, I've used Moby's Sprite Bugfix that makes it so that sprites taller than 32 px aren't affected stupidly by Star Passability tiles.
I've already made one fix that doesn't take screen tone into effect (made an extra viewport and switched around some viewport functions), but now I've run into one more.

I have custom ceiling tiles that when placed, obscure the player. They're in Tileset E. This issue was not present before these tiles were implemented (and thus the event system used to hide the player and then make the player through before undoing those after going through a door or under a ceiling transition was removed once the tiles were implemented), and that issue is that event graphics taller than the player sprite, will get drawn over the player sprite, when the player IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE EVENT. IT LOOKS BAD, AND MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A DAMN CHUMP.

I had tried several ways to make it not do that, even trying to make it draw over the player sprite if the Y COORDINATES OF THE PLAYER SPRITE WERE LESS THAN THE EVENT AND THAT THREW ERRORS DESPITE USING $GAME_PLAYER.Y AND $GAME_MAP.EVENTS[@EVENT_ID].Y WHICH ARE ALREADY DEFINED BY THE CLASS GIVEN.

So, I asked dearest love @Kayzee for aid, and...naught. She gave an idea to make the events in question Below Characters which not only doesn't help, but gives them Through flags to boot. These door events may as well be guillotine events!

So, am I going to get some help here!? Or, do I let Ramsey's deadbeat father kill her instead!?!?

A blank slate

Many things can change within a week or a month, let alone six years.   Looking at the past can be fun but sometimes its pretty embarrassing, it was more like the latter for me when i dropped back here again after so long. I deleted or hidden most of my old stuff, for the better, trust me.   I've said many things in varying degrees of stupid, but at least i've grown and know just how stupid this all was, im not perfect yet but i did improve. So yeah this post is a sort of catch-up for the few people that interacted with me in this community. Im not dead just life taking you places and also realising how stupid you once were. I also own an apology to certain people that actually expected things from me but never heard from me since, super late but sorry....   I wont make any promises for anything because god knows if i can keep them, but lets just say things will be different from now on.

UberMedic7

UberMedic7

 

Entry 00B: Ramsey and a problem I just discovered

Okay, so I've mostly been working on mapping, and getting art assets taken care of, among other things, but I've come to realize that somewhere down the line...

Saving is no longer working, and that's going to be a huge problem for v.1.0. Right now, saving isn't needed to enjoy the demo, but I intend to have the first chapter of the game story done by the first non-demo version, and in that regard, I need saving to work properly. Thing is, I don't know why it doesn't work. So, I will need help with this, and hopefully, @Kayzee can find time between sessions of that new Switch game (that I'll likely never play due to my wealth privilege level being lower), to aid me. If not...hmmm...

Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get there I guess. I'm still waiting on one thing from one artist, who finally has their laptop all setup, and that's great.

I actually am curious about setting system functions like saving to game switches, if that breaks them. I mean, I set the menu command to a switch is all; it won't appear if the switch is off but I wouldn't of thought that would disable the functionality. Hmmm...

Eh. I've a lot on my mind and it is difficult to focus on gamedev, and fuck, even on gaming. I barely can do much of anything without being distracted by this or that, and it's too damn much! I need help here, but I'm most certainly not getting it! Yeah! I need help here!!!! (and asking for it from people offline gets me a 'fuck-you-but-I-won't-actually-say-it' response)

I love the story I have come up with and I want to deliver it; so can I get some damn help here!? Is that too much to ask!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??

PhoenixSoul

PhoenixSoul

 

Entry 00A: Ramsey, 2/29/2020 (COUNT ON IT)

(clamps hands over ears to silence the cheers, the jeers and the horns)   ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!!   lolz

Anyway, there's not much to say more than yes, those of you who were hoping I'd finally release a demo, are gonna get your wish.   However, there are caveats to note:
I'm still working on a lot of things, and right now, I don't really have a lot of critical things in place, so the first demo release is not going to be feature-filled.

What can be expected:
A short demo, mostly text by the main character and/or the narrator.
Half an hour of gameplay tops A good amount of potential bugs and glitches, mayhaps even Interpreter crashes (need your help in testing!) Some 'easter eggs' Plenty of Ramsey's vulgarities No censorship No saving (kinda pointless as there's only one major event) Mack's/Looseleaf sprite graphics combined with MV hair (it works well honestly) and MV-style face sets Political/Religious references and mockery plus a strong LGBT+ representation (now and going forward!)   What's being worked on: The battle system and battler graphics (I have not found graphics for things like police, military, and so on-do they even exist?), no battles yet
Inventory items, shops and the mercantile system (as of now the third of the three is pretty broken) Clothing/face bits for all twenty-four possible playable characters (only a few have their basic clothing all done with some others having placeholders) Story is still being fleshed out (I have a lot already written down)
Icon graphics (a lot are done but there's much left to do)
Title screen art (gonna need help with this-somehow)
Sorcery system and passive skills (I have a few of the latter done as well as one Destruction element of the former done)
Relationship system possibilities (mostly just a proof of concept as of now)
Custom Map UI (as in a scene that shows a map screen and where certain things are on it) A soft game menu screen that allows the player to leave the game but still technically be playing the game (I have the visuals made but they're not refined yet)
  What's planned:
Multiple endings (I have one 'true' ending in mind) Multiple, replayable game story chapters akin to how Half Minute Hero does it
Character building that caters to the player NSFW/Mature scenes (I'd love to have these as visual scenes but for now they will be text only)
A way to force game/chapter restarts (Hard Game Overs) in the case of something truly horrific happening (I don't know if it is possible though) Cameos from other games and media (I already have a couple of these partially finished)

Supporters and those whom have aided me thus far:
My team (KBGaming): Aylee, Celica, Claire, Fiena, and Rachael
Dearest love @Kayzee, whom has been great with RGSS3 stuffs
@Rikifive, whom has also aided me in RGSS3 stuffs
@AutumnAbsinthe, fellow femme fair who loves horror and memes as much as anyone @Verdiløs Games, whom hasn't been around in a bit, is hopefully recovering well.   You, among many others, have aided and supported me. Merci beaucoup. I hope you enjoy my vision.

PhoenixSoul

PhoenixSoul

 

Dead Evolution

Hello everyone! I'm Absinthe Ingram and I am officially announcing my venture into survival horror - Dead Evolution.   WHAT IS DEAD EVOLUTION? Dead Evolution is a survival horror RPG game. You play as Timothy Wong, a man looking to help make a cure for the zombie virus. Well, technically, there already was a cure released via an aerosol agent. It just made the zombies mutate. Some gained sentience, wandering the wasteland fully aware and yet unable to speak or remember their pasts; other gained new abilities, like screaming or running. As Timothy, you're searching for one of the sentient zombies to bring back to your home base... But there are complications, such as your communication device breaking, nearly running out of ammo, being unable to track the zombie right away, etc. that prevent this from being too easy. But the game doesn't end once you get back to the base - all of that was just the first half of the game. The second half involves more zombie killing, saving your child and a BFG. There are companions, but they can't help in combat outside of certain scripted circumstances.   Think 7 Days To Die meets Days Gone meets Resident Evil.   WHO ARE THE MAIN CHARACTERS? The guy you'll see the most of is Timothy Wong, a former high school science teacher-turned-combat scientist. He's good natured and kind, always looking out for others. In other words, the perfect candidate for the cure effort. He's mastered using guns and knives against the zombies. Outside of Timothy, there's not really another "major character". For NPCs though, there are several. There's Brandi Mitchell, a sweet lady with a heart of gold and a steel-cored baseball bat. There's Becky Nelson, who thinks backstabbing is super fun - literally and figuratively - along with pretending to be a damsel in distress. There's Mx Knight, a trader of sorts who will give you what you need at a small price - and if you chip in one extra sandwich or something, you'll get extra ammo absolutely free*! There's also the reinforcements team you can call in - Destiny and Arnold - who are useful, but definitely don't care about the cause. Destiny is there to drive like a maniac and Arnold just wants to kill things. There are survivor settlements in some locations, but aside from trading and resting, there isn't much you can do. There's also everyone down in the base, most notably Mr Waldon, Timothy's boss, and Timothy's 13-year-old child, but they don't come into play until the second half.   WHAT ELSE DO YOU WANT TO TELL US? The game is a throwback to survival horror. Puzzles, limited ammo and health items, save points, an emphasis on fear, etc. The game also combines survival horror with survival. Sure, ammo is limited, but you can also make it. Sure, health is limited, but you can also make it. I want the survival game part to add a faint glimmer of hope to the desolate situation. Also, there's a small thing at the beginning where you can customize Timothy a little to alter a few stats and unlock certain things earlier than normal (Was he a P.I after he was a teacher? Was he good at gym in high school? Did he live in a slum, a small town, a town, a city, or a big city?), as well as tune him a little more to your liking (What is his child's name and gender? What gender was his spouse?) Some things will always remain the same - he had a loving family, became a teacher, took another career to help even more people, married a wonderful person and adopted an amazing child - then, his job was rendered obsolete by the apocalypse. He joined the cure effort to continue to help. His spouse was ripped to shreds by zombies. Now he's making sure this cure gets made so hopefully his child gets a happy life.   I might also do early access.   WHAT ELSE WOULD YOU LIKE TO KNOW? Let me know in the comments! I'll answer anything!   *Ignore the fact that you have to donate a sandwich to get the free ammo.

AutumnAbsinthe

AutumnAbsinthe

 

What happened to World of Chaos?

Nothing really happened to it. I didn't abandon it or anything (I promise). Life just got in the way between grades, graduation, jobs, etc.

With that being said, I'm not *currently* working on World of Chaos only because it's game size is large (content-wise), and I probably shouldn't attempt to release a huge game on my first time showing a game I created to the public. So World of Chaos has not been dusted but is currently on the backburner. What project am I working on? It's called Mythical Legends: Azar Chronicles (RM XP), and it is a much MUCH smaller game. I can't give a definite date on when it'll be done since I'm still going through life stuff, but as soon as I can calculate an ETA, I'll let you guys know.

Game takes place in a room between a grandfather and his grandchild. Grandfather is showinf his grandchild this book, and the story of the book is where the game takes place. Now, the story itself takes place in a realm where magic stems from Seroma (Afterlife). Seroma was created by a man named Calhadin,. The Azarian realm has 12 Davkins (AKA Kings/Queens) with Calhadin acting more as the guardian of the realm that watches over his creation, Seroma. The story starts with you waking up in some strange place you've never seen, and you have a short chat with a mysterious man before Calhadin intervenes and breaks you out of there. You end up helping to close a portal leading to the Azarian Realm, and from there, you are sent to the Davkins to tell your story. After that, the Davkins suggested you are of importance to either Calhadin or whoever is leading the invaders, thus, they decided you will help end this invasion and will aid in any way they can for when the expected final battle comes.

What I have done so far:
CTS Battle System 16+ Custom Stats Status Screen overhaul Tutorial and Intro Message system On-map object interaction system 3D on-map gameplay   What I plan to do next Level up system Skill leveling system Skills Weapons Armors State animation tweak so that you see the name on the animtions
Note: I have a script that cycles animations Main Quest Side Quests   I will do the above in that order. The game should be done after I do all of that. After this game, I'm going back to working on World of Chaos. Therefore, expect to see Mythical Legends: Azar Chronicles Progress blog series in the near future.

Lord Vectra

Lord Vectra

 

eddsworld life after the end The Box Part 2

Meanwhile, back at the Red Army base, Red Leader shot at a target a few times at the shooting range.
“What do you want me to tell you?” his A.I assistant, Cindy, retorted, “Your aim is perfect.”
“I’m bored,” he sighed, “I just want something to do!”
“You could go help retrieve your box,” she suggested, “That could be fun.” He reloaded several of the guns and sighed.
“You’re right. Let’s go to Bosnia and hopefully not get shot out of the sky!”

     He ran out to the other plane, punched in the coordinates and set it to autopilot. He reclined the seat and kicked his feet up on the control panel with a yawn.
“Wake me up when we get there or if I need to take control, Cindy,” he said, closing his eyes. When Cindy finally did wake him up, it was because they were headed directly towards a mountain. Tord yelped and quickly took control of the plane so he could avoid the mountain, looking down in time to see the Blue Army base… And a zombie tyrannosaurus rex. He grinned in anticipation as he landed near it. He watched it for a few minutes as it attacked the outside of the base.
“So that’s where all of those zombie dinosaurs from that island went…” he mumbled to himself as he began sneaking towards it.

     Soon enough, he was on it and riding it inside the building and into the chamber with the other zombie tyrannosaurus rex. He felt like James Bond. Suave, intelligent, breaking all the typical codes of conduct, storming enemy lines on a sweet ride…
“HEY!” he yelled, “OVER HERE, BIG ROTTING UGLY!” The other dinosaur whipped around to look at him, its massive tail throwing Patryck against the far wall. Tord smirked.
“YOU!” Blue Leader yelled, pointing at him from behind the glass.
“You bet!” he replied, “Don’t tell me you seriously didn’t think I wouldn’t show up! And in the flesh, which is more than can be said for you and your robot selves!” She scowled and ran off. Tord turned back to the problem in front of him – that is to say, the zombie T-Rex that he wasn’t riding – with a smirk across his face.
“Why don’t you pick on someone your own size?” he said, charging his own massive dinosaur at it. Of course, zombies don’t mess with other zombies. It was a flaw that became more evident after he realized that the dinosaur he was on was actually going for his men. He quickly slid down its back and ran to the now wide open giant door.
“Guys!” he called, “This way!” And once he was sure his men were following, he ran off.

     “Where’s the plane?” he asked.
“It’s just down there!” Yuu said, pointing at the landing strip ahead of them. Patryck looked back.
“I didn’t know this before,” he began, “But as it turns out, Tyrannosaurs can really haul a-”
He was cut off by gunfire from ahead.
“Oh come ON!” Yanov cried, sliding under the hail of bullets and firing back at the previously hidden guards with his own two pistols, “Can’t you give us a break?!” Paul pulled out some throwing knives and threw them at the opposing forces as he ran for the plane while Patryck and Yuu ran in different directions to cause a distraction.

     Tord stopped midstep and just grinned at a thought that occurred to him, that clearly hadn’t occurred to anyone in the Blue Army. There were more zombie dinosaurs. Zombies are never sufficiently contained either. He turned back around and calmly walked between the legs of the enormous undead T-Rexes and followed the trail of blaring red hazard lights down to the rest of the zombies. With a grin, he slammed his hand on the button to let them all out. Then, much like the Tyrannosaurs, he hauled a-

     When Paul got to the cockpit, he glared ahead at Blue Leader, who was calmly sitting on the control panel with a devious smirk. Yanov quickly joined him.
“Can we just call it a day?” Paul asked, “This is encroaching on my smoke break.” Yanov stared at him.
“THAT’S what you’re worried about?!” he exclaimed.
“So says the guy who took a flamethrower to some guards over the fate of his portable gaming console,” Paul replied dryly. Blue Leader rolled her eyes.
“Here you two are arguing when I’m the one holding all the cards,” she said, “And by “cards,” I mean-”
“ZOMBIE DINOSAUR STAMPEDE!” Tord laughed from outside the plane, “GET THE PLANE GOING GUYS! I DON’T WANT US TO DIE HERE!”

     Yuu and Patryck quickly ran into the cockpit.
“Four against one,” Yuu said, “I think I like our odds.”
“You four just lost against me less than an hour ago,” Blue Leader said.
“You had guards!” Patryck said.
“And you can make it five!” Tord grinned, carrying in the gunblade, “Now you can either get out of here and deal with the problem in your base, or I can figure out how to use this thing.”
“My guards here are expendable,” she said, “I don’t care about them. I don’t care about this base. I don’t even care about Bosnia. I’d rather see you go down.”
“I guess it’s time for an epic gunblade fight!” Tord grinned, “Cindy! Play my boss fight theme for me!” On cue, a sick beat and thumping rhythm took over the speakers as the weapon charged up a blast.

     Paul, Patryck, Yuu and Yanov watched as the robotic body for Blue Leader exploded into smithereens from one blast of the gunblade.
“Really?” Tord said, half disappointed and half intrigued, “I was hoping for more of a fight. But I really do appreciate decent firepower.” Patryck took off, shooting the plane into the sky. Once they were safe, he punched the coordinates for the Red Army base and sighed, flopping into one of the seats and promptly sliding out of it.
“So what’s in the box anyway?” Yanov asked curiously.
“Oh, you know…” Tord said. Unfortunately, Cindy turned his epic boss theme up too loud, effectively covering up his explanation of what was in the box. Everyone was more or less annoyed about that, but they gave in, exhausted from everything that just happened.
“I’m glad all of that is over,” Patryck groaned.
“Me too,” Yuu agreed.

     When the five returned to the base, they made a group effort to carry the precious cargo to Tord’s quarters. Tord pried the lid off and they all peered inside. A grin spread across Tord’s face.
“At last!” he said reaching in, “It’s finally here!”
“That’s what we went through all of that for?” Paul grumbled.
“I think it was worth it!” Yanov grinned, “It’s amazing!”
“Definitely,” Yuu replied. Patryck just laid on the floor, asleep at this point.
“Let’s go try it out!” Tord said.
“Let’s not,” Paul replied, “It’s been a long day.”
“Whatever, Paul!” Yanov said, opening the door, “I’m off to the training area with Tord!”
“Me too!” Yuu agreed.

AutumnAbsinthe

AutumnAbsinthe

 

eddsworld life after the end The Box Part 1

Yuu lead the way for Yanov, Patryck and Paul as he left the base, gun cocked and loaded, head held high, ammo and wasp bombs in his backpack and a first aid kit tucked under his arm. These four were on a mission.
“What are we doing again?” Yanov asked, tilting his head slightly as he spoke.
“We’re off to get a box,” Yuu replied, marching to the plane with dread in his heart at the thought of Paul and Patryck flying, “He said it was just a basic supply run, but he’s keeping it too hush-hush for that.” Yanov nodded quietly as he climbed in and took a seat. Patryck took the wheel and Paul sat beside him. Yuu took the seat next to Yanov and away they went, soaring across the sky in search of this box.   Patryck set the plane to autopilot and kicked his feet up on the control panel.
“I love flying,” he said quietly. Paul just stared at him blankly.
“You don’t even do anything,” he replied, “All you do is put it on autopilot and sit back.”
“And all you do is talk on the radio and push buttons,” Patryck sighed, “Namely mine.”   Yanov pulled out his joycon and played some Pokemon while Yuu watched and cheered him on. It went on like this for some hours until Patryck landed the plane and they all got out.   Yanov stared at the place, looking up from his Switch. It was a wide open military base.
“Where are we?” he asked quietly.
“It’s a military base,” Paul replied blankly, “Probably one of our enemies.”
“That all makes sense!” Yuu exclaimed, “Tord ordered something and one of our rivals took it for themselves! Where are we?”
“Bosnia,” Patryck said, “That place Tord is banned from.” And with that, they walked in.   The four snuck around, avoiding any guards they saw, making sure not to be seen. However, despite their best efforts, Yanov took too long to duck behind a box and was seen. The guards rushed them immediately and the four fled the gunfire. Unfortunately, they were split up, each going down their own paths.   Yanov bolted down the path he was on, eager to make to to the box, which he could clearly see from where he was. He drew his gun and aimed at the knees of his pursuers. He typically didn’t shoot at anything other than zombies, but kneecaps weren’t a moral qualm of his. Being something of a crackshot, he hit his mark nearly every time, ducking behind the box to avoid returned gunfire. He peeked out before picking it up and running for it, only to be tripped, sending the box and his Switch across the floor. The box stopped first. The Switch only stopped when another soldier – Blue Leader herself – walked over, stepping on it and crushing it with her foot. Wordlessly, she picked the box up and carried it off. Yanov stared in shock before running back to the plane. His Switch was just destroyed! AND she stole the box! This meant war!   Yuu dashed into a room and hid. The guards eventually got off his tail, but stayed in the room he was in, so he decided a stealthy explosion would work. With a sly grin, he pulled the silencer off his pistol, pulled a grenade out of his ammunition pouch and used an extra shoelace he had to tie the silencer to the grenade. He quietly yawned off the lack of sleep he’d been suffering from for a few days, pulled the pin and threw it into the room, quickly ducking back behind the barricade.   Patryck lead the guards all over their base, bringing the total of guards still following him to just one. At that point, he grabbed a handful of glitter from his pocket and threw it in his face, yelling “SMOKESCREEN!” before he ran back to the plane.   Paul hid behind some boxes until the guards following him left, then he snuck out and found his way around the base. He silently followed after one of the guards headed towards Blue Leader’s quarters.
“Do you have the box contained, Blue Leader?” the guard asked as Paul ducked behind a corner.
“Yes,” she replied sternly, “I do. Did you take care of Red Leader’s men?”
“They ran off screaming.”

Suddenly, before she could reply, an alarm went off. Blue Leader and the guard whipped around to look at a screen popping out of the wall.
“And he’s back with a flamethrower,” she growled, “See, this is why I told you I want them DEAD. Dead, you hear me! DEAD!” Paul actually cracked a slight smile. He didn’t know what those Blue Army soldiers did to Yanov, but they certainly pushed the wrong buttons. In the distance, gunfire and screaming could be heard.
“GO!” Blue Leader yelled, shoving the guard towards the room of screaming, “I won’t have this freak in a fursuit burning my men alive!”

Yuu jumped awake at the sounds of gunfire and screaming. He tiredly rubbed his eyes and stood up. The room was empty… Except for one thing. The box! He quickly ran to it and began pushing it towards the plane. He wasn’t met with much resistance until he got there. Several guards charged him, but he toppled them like dominoes with a spinning sweep kick. His robotic legs may have been an issue for speed, but when it came to kick strength, he was unmatched. He smirked and the guards attempted to get up from their pile while he pushed the box onto the plane. As he stood up, he head the click of a gun behind his head.

Patryck got up as soon as he heard the scraping against the floor of the plane. Gun at the ready, he made his way to the cargo bay and found none other than Blue Leader herself holding Yuu at gunpoint. Without hesitation, she aimed a second gun at him.
“Don’t move Patryck,” she scowled, “I won’t let you take that box back. Some guards walked Paul into the cargo bay, also at gunpoint.
“What is so important that’s in that box?!” Yuu asked.
“That’s classified,” she replied coldly, “Now all we need is your furry friend and we can get going.”
“Going?” Patryck asked, “Where are you taking us?”
“The Bermuda Triangle!” she laughed, “You and your leader’s precious little box will go missing forever!” The remaining guards dragged Yanov in without his flamethrower.
“Unhand me!” he cried, “I’m not finished with you! You stole the box! You broke my Switch! You stole my flamethrower!”
“Those are your problems,” Blue Leader replied, “Now say goodnight, Gracie.”

“Goodnight Gracie,” Paul said calmly, stabbing a butterfly knife into the shoulders of one of the guards holding him. He flipped the knife around a few times with a grin and lunged at Blue Leader. In a flash – quite literally – she slammed her guns together and they fused, creating her own actual gunblade. At the push of a button, it grew much larger than the size of either gun. Paul ducked as she fired, swinging his blade through the air. The bullet hit one of her guards and Paul’s knife lodged itself into the back of her cybernetic thigh. She grunted and shot a glare at the Dutchman, who simply grinned back.
“Why you little...” she growled, whipping the gunblade around to hit Yuu, only to be grabbed from behind by Patryck.
“I’ll take that!” Yuu smiled as he yanked the gunblade away, “I’m sure Red Leader will love this. You know how much he loves anime.”

“You may have taken my gun,” she grinned, “But you know my legs are still killer!” And with that, she flipped backwards, kicking Patryck in the face before she landed on her feet, freed from his hold on her. She pulled a third gun out of her jacket and aimed it at Yuu.
“I have a new plan,” she said calmly, “Guards, take these four idiots to the testing chamber. I want them to meet Sally.”

And so, they were dragged off and shoved in a sterile lab-like arena-esque chamber with a high ceiling and a giant door at the other end.
“Sally was an experiment of mine a few years ago,” Blue Leader smirked, “An experiment in… Reanimating the dead. And she sure is hungry.” The boys looked at each other.
“A zombie?” Yanov asked.
“Yes!” she replied, “Smart points go to the furry for once in his tragically short life! Au revoir!”
“I’m not a furry!” he protested, “I’m a scalie! There’s a difference!” Paul actually laughed.
“We’ve dealt with zombies before!” he said, “Try us!” Blue Leader simply grinned as a distant rumbling drew nearer. The large door opened and for a moment, the four saw nothing. Then, a zombie tyrannosaurus rex entered the room. They stared in shock.
“Don’t move a muscle...” Paul whispered, “She can’t see us if we don’t move.”
“Paul?” Yuu replied, “You do realize that that series got a lot wrong, right? Including that whole thing about staying still?”
“What he’s trying to say is that we should run like crazy and try to think of a way out of here,” Patryck said, trembling. And they did. While screaming and flailing.

END PART 1

AutumnAbsinthe

AutumnAbsinthe

 

Godot 3.2

Godot 3.2 is an exciting new launch with many new features.  I did encounter a little issue with my current project when switching to Godot 3.2 that my solution may help people out. I wrote a finite state machine for use with my game.  In this state machine, a state calls on the player controller.  For some reason, the state machine is loaded before the onready commands are called in the player controller, causing any onready vars to not be prepared.  To fix this, and to add a little bit of lazy programming into the player controller, I implemented the following code: onready var kinematic_controller : KinematicBody2D = get_node("Character_Controller") var kinematic_controller : KinematicBody2D = null ... func get_kinematic_controller() -> KinematicBody2D: if kinematic_controller == null: kinematic_controller = get_node("Character_Controller") return kinematic_controller This way, if for any reason the onready call to set a controller is not called, we can call it in the get function.  I got my game from a non-running state to running perfectly again.

Maindric

Maindric

 

Resurrection

This blog has been idle for a significant amount of time.  I have fallen too busy to follow my passion in game development.  This is due to the fact that I do work another job full time, and I was pursuing my Bachelor of Science in Computer Science degree full time.  Game development just took a back seat.  Well, now this is changing.  I graduated from my program in December of 2019.  Now, to fill in the time that I spent working on my degree jumping back into game development full time. Now, let me lay down my intentions and plans with this blog, so that anyone reading on this site understands my actions and intentions.  Getting back into game development is my attempt into changing my career to become a game developer.  Over the next three and a half years, I intend to put a lot of effort into developing a game for release.  This blog will go over my development journey, while focusing on tips, techniques and procedures for others to succeed in their attempts at learning game development. Tools First off, the tools that I intend to use for development are going to be fairly varied to work on my projects.  I will write about these tools and their usage in game development as I work on the projects. Game Engine: Godot The engine I will be using from here on out is the Godot game engine.  There are a few reasons for this.  Namely, the flexibility in usage in the most I have ever experienced in the past.  I have worked on RPG Maker, Unity, App Game Kit, and others.  All of the proceeded tools are fantastic tools and they satisfy a place in the market. RPG Maker is a great entry point to new developers who wants to see the process of adding content, however, it is quite difficult to change mechanics.  There is a high reliance on plug ins with specified orders and such, but lacks the flexibility of a full fledged engine.  However, it makes up for this with ease of use.  For my purposes, RPG Maker is not flexible enough for what I want to achieve. Unity is an amazing engine with many options for developers.  It is why it has become one of the top engines on the face of this planet.  However, with the closed nature of Unity and it’s growth, it has become rather bloated.  The way components works with each other leads to situations where it is exceptionally easy to create an interlocking system that is convoluted and harder to work with.  There are also fewer and fewer ways to script for Unity. App Game Kit is an excellent tool for pure C++ usage, it’s workflow is too narrow to achieve what I want to do.  There is also much more work needed to achieve a full project to be released. Godot offers the flexibility of Unity with options to code in GDScript and C++ (With Mono C# as well).  Working with compiled C++ gives a new level of optimization that is not possible with Unity.  I can work in C++ for computationally intense work while using the simpler GDScript for simpler tasks.  This is also neglecting the fact that I am developing on Linux, which none of the other tools can really do as well as Godot does. Tiled What can I say?  Tiled is so easy to use and powerful that there aren’t really any significant alternatives for the work that can be done. Aseprite Similar to Tiled, Aseprite is so power in it’s workflow, and reasonably affordable. Blog, and the future As covered, this blog will be my game developer’s journey.  Many of the blog posts will be about the proceeded tools, but more importantly, I plan on focusing on techniques that are universally applicable.  I plan on a blog post about every week or two.  Whether it is a simple update, such as this post, or a game development concept, there will be something with regards to game development regularly.  Think of it as a replacement to the essays that I worked on in college.  For this posting, it is simply a status update.  I look forward to developing with you. -Maindric

Maindric

Maindric

 

Entry 012: Big Picture Fail; Passions...

Yeah, you likely already know that Steam is laying a massive turd on me in the form of starting with a feature I never use because it doesn't work on my hardware and it is not interesting enough for me to even want to bother with. Here's the thing. As of this blog, the night before, Steam was running just fine. I rarely muck about with settings, though I do intend to change a few things if I ever migrate from Yahoo (yeah I hate that email client but getting set up on another is tedious as well as too many hoops to jump through).

I never bother with Big Picture, though I did notice that Steam can be told to start in Big Picture mode. I always leave this off, but I do wonder if a Steam update forced this option on, and if there's a way to reverse that outside the client. If not, I am screwed. I have a lot of time and resources invested, and getting refunds for that just because I only get $440 a month via disability and have 2008 hardware that runs like garbage (it is garbage and I got ripped off but had no clue back then), is not going to happen.

So, I'm asking for help, that I'm very unlikely to receive. You already know that I cannot accept digital payments, and are unwilling to aid me otherwise, so I'll take tips on fixing this stupid problem with Steam.   -------   "WhY dOn'T yOu JuSt GeT a JoB?"
About the only job I could get is selling myself on the streets, as bad as it is for those like me with no job experience and no college degree...gee, thanks US government...

Even if I could get a job, I'd likely find myself working some manual labor crap that would not pay me but bare bones, and cause me duress, stress, and strain that would completely annihilate my sanity, what's left of it, as well as my mental stability, which is a balancing act as is. I'd last a few weeks at such a job. Now, is that fair? No, not to me, not to the employer either. One can not just 'get a job'; the work has to fit the person, not the other way around. Segue to...   My passions. I am a creative writer, a gamer, a game dev, among other things that don't equate to workable skills. Problem: there's no job market for me in this because my skills in game dev are mainly in using a damn engine and requiring help from others in my weak points, and creative writing is something I can't do consistently.

Anyway, this is why I'm so angry. Above all, this impacts my passions massively. I do have the archived version of VX Ace, but that's just it. I don't want to rely on that solely. I can't, actually, since Degica is an asshole about archived RM engines, even if I have a legitimate version. Damn you, VALVE!!!!

Well, if this is how this is going to pan out, this will likely be the end. There's a bridge not far from here...   Edit, Addendum + Update:
@Kayzee, dearest love, helped with using a single command line addition that I never would of thought of otherwise.
I also put that up on the Help forums on Steam.
https://steamcommunity.com/discussions/forum/1/1747892868508766812/
Now Steam runs just fine, but the thing is... in my settings, Big Picture on startup is unticked. So, it makes one wonder if somehow, someway, there's some hidden away setting or flag that allowed Big Picture to start when starting Steam. Not that I have to worry about it now since I intend to not allow Steam to run it (I'll use that shortcut instead-no problem).

Of course, all this, it still adds up to unfair and unearned stress that wasted my time and everyone else's too. For that, I apologize on Valve's behalf since they won't. They likely wouldn't care...grrrr...

:(

PhoenixSoul

PhoenixSoul

 

sponsored PEOPLE GO MISSING ALL THE TIME

People disappear all the time. People reappear all the time. But disappearing and reappearing without much fanfare, the situations and circumstances often being all hush-hush, and with new, deadly looking wounds and scars, often after your supposed death, is something rarely heard of. In fact, outside of Revenant, Oregon, where I now live, I had never come across anything like it.   I first noticed it when I moved here, and a man by the name of Jacob disappeared. No investigation was made. The higher ups at the company he worked for paid off the local law enforcement. The second weird thing was how a few days later, people saw him walking the streets at night. He supposedly showed up in a blurry security camera image outside of a morgue. Some people claimed they could made out a Y-incision on his bare chest and stomach, clearly from an autopsy, or a dissection, or a vivisection, or something to that effect. As soon as any of this was brought up though, it was drowned out by other things, and it seemed all too purposeful. It seemed too much like it was being covered up.   This pattern kept popping up. People would go missing, or have all the evidence lead to their death, only for them to reappear at night, in graveyards, in morgues, in hospitals, on grainy CCTV footage, in blurry pictures. But all evidence that they reappeared would disappear.   In one case I remember, one girl’s entire existence was completely erased. Most of the people have forgotten about her, and her family refuses to acknowledge she ever existed. Her name was Marina Northwood. I can’t even search for her on the internet, and she was a moderately known social media influencer. Every trace of her has been wiped clean, except for what people remember of her, and one blurry picture of her standing in a graveyard.   Marina’s girlfriend, Eleanor, reportedly killed herself a year after her girlfriend’s disappearance. Police found the knife, and the blood and fingerprints were her own, but they never found a body. A few days later, somebody saw her in an alley between some houses, late one night. That person has since withdrawn the statement, but I refuse to believe that they lied. This wasn’t the first time, and it most certainly wasn’t the last.   The next one I remember is a guy I want to say was named Tyrone, but I can’t remember exactly. His best friends confessed to getting into a drunken fight with him, and murdering him. The body was never found. The friends swore they never hid the body. In fact, one of them claimed that his dead friend got up, and attempted to smash his head open on a desk. He certainly had the injuries to prove it, but he later withdrew the statement.   I normally wouldn’t go anywhere with this story, I would just keep it to myself, but I turned the news on tonight, and lo and behold, another disappearance. A young woman, Monica Brian, age 21. Her blood, hair, fingernails, a tooth, and some ripped up fabric were found near a dumpster in an alley. Her body was nowhere to be found. Nobody has seen or heard from her in three days.   Has anyone else witnessed anything like this? Have you come into contact with anyone who has disappeared like this, only to reappear much later? Have you disappeared like this, only to reappear much later? If you know anything about this, please let me know. I have to know. I have to know what is going on here.

Verdiløs Games

Verdiløs Games

 

Odinspawn

The Andoran Concordat     During the climax of the Great War, several Time Mages interfered in order to bring the conflict to a close. The death of Icen had drawn a line in the sand. It had gone too far. The world leaders from every nation involved in the war were abruptly teleported to High Rock Plateau in the country of Andora. It was here that the Andoran Concordat was forged. Over a period of three days, the Time Mages endured tireless debates as they convinced the leaders of each nation that this war could not, and would not be allowed to continue. In the end, it took threat of further force to subdue the bloodlust of the Odinkin Empire. Each nation signed the concordat, agreeing to an new era of peace. Borders were negotiated, and the conflict smoldered out over the following decades.         Zenobia    In the era following the Andoran Concordat, the Odinkin Empire once again fell back into internal conflict. Over the next two mortal eras, their Empire evolved and shifted like the sands their new Empire sits upon today.   According to legend, the Zenobian Desert was once a sea of lush, windswept green plains and dense, fertile forests. But somehow, somewhere along the line, it became an arid, destitute ocean of unforgiving dunes. Despite these harsh conditions, the ancient city of Zenobia has managed to not only flourish, but excel. Zenobia is a massive, technologically advanced, desert metropolis. An empire seeking to conquer and erase the old world. Using their far superior technology, they sweep the vast continent committing genocide, and establish new Zenobian cities atop the ruins and corpses. They have been crushing their fellow Odinkin nations, one after another, solidifying a new, glorious Empire of Odinspawn.   The desert city is divided in two. The core of the city is awe inspiring. Buildings that tower into the sky. Wealth and luxury for every man and woman. Highly advanced technology ingrained into daily life. Outside the core, beyond the walls and defenses, the people of the slums suffer in poverty and oppression, living in crudely built structures under terrible conditions. They do not hold official citizenship, and are afforded none of the basic services such as fire prevention, law enforcement, or adequate medical care.   Zenobia is ruled by the Ducrinus royal family. They have governed over Zenobian lands for centuries, and have become synonymous with Zenobian culture and politics. Hector Ducrinus is the aging, stricken Emperor. Disease has confined him to his bed chambers, and he clings to life support as his oldest son, Lucius, keeps the Empire running. Sarovoc, the youngest, is the President of Zenobia Prime, a technological and energy powerhouse that controls and supplies all of Zenobia's energy.       Sarovoc Ducrinus (I've already been informed that it rings similarly to Sephiroth. It was not the intention, and I hadn't realized until I was informed. It's a name I've been using for characters in games for some time. My go-to warrior or mage build name. Zenobia is inspired by Midgar. I've never denied that. Final Fantasy VII is a big part of what this story pays homage to, but it retains an identity of its own.)   Sarovoc is a cold, calculated and cruel man. A product of Hector's signature brand of upbringing, and the brutal training of Hogo Marks, Hector's specialist instructor. He loathes both his father, and brother for their cruelty toward him. He desires the throne more than anything, and there is nothing he will not do to sit upon it as rightful Emperor of Zenobia. His first move is to remove his father from the board, unplugging his life support. He attempts to frame his brother, and leaks information surrounding the incident to the Zenobian press. This creates enough of a disturbance to allow Sarovoc to assassinate Lucius, blaming a rogue sycophant looking to avenge Hector.   Sarovoc becomes the Emperor Zenobia.

That One NPC

That One NPC

 

The Lore

Much of this has been boiled down and summarized to spare you the agony of long, winded explanations.   THE LORE
  The first era (an era is 1000 years) of mortals was harmonious and productive. Civilizations were built and flourished. Cultures interacted, traded and learned from one another, coexisting peacefully through a time when this world was an idyllic paradise. Near the end of this era, infighting between Odinspawn nations began to erupt, resulting in a three-hundred year period of bloodshed and conflict that had been hardwired into their physical makeup by Odin himself. When the dust had settled and the bones had sank into the earth, only one mighty empire of Odinkin remained. But the centuries of expansion and bloodshed had left them with a taste for power and war.   They set their sights on Whiteguard.       The White War     The White War was a long and brutal one. Whiteguard had superior warriors, leadership, equipment and tactics. Odinkin had the sheer force of numbers. Legions of warriors who believed that the worth of an individual could be decided only on the battlefield. War had become the focal point of their culture and spirituality. Despite never making much ground in the grand scheme of the war, Odinspawn would not yield, nor relent in their pursuit of victory. It wasn't long before the Bahamir came to the aid of Whiteguard, creating an alliance to crush the Odinkin foe, putting them back in their place. Feeling left out, Hades decided to directly interfere.   In a shocking twist, Black Mages joined the battle, not as allies of Odinspawn, but enemies of Whiteguard and their Bahamir allies. This resulted in the equivalent of a World War, and mass destruction of the civilizations and relationships they built. Hades had interacted with mortals, commanding his Black Mage tribes to destroy Whiteguard, the Bahamir Dynasty, and then the world of Odinkin. This was the first transgression of the Pantheon, and Bahamut's heart was breaking as he watched his beloved creations fall into chaos.   The war came to a climax with one crucial battle at the Plains of Turra. Each of the races amassed their forces for what would be the largest battle in the history of the White War. Aroused by the prospect of the destruction about to unfold, Hades joins the battle alongside his Black Mages. As the fight begins, Hades is raining down an unholy brand of death upon the battlefield. Feeling the loss of every White Mage, Alexander joins the fight, going head to head with Hades. Feeling as if it were only fair at this point, Odin, Sleipnir and Gilgamesh begin to do what they do best; make violence seem like an art form. It takes hold like a domino effect, and one by one deities join the battle (the Bahamuts, Ramuh, Shoat and Doomtrain not withstanding). When Bahamut has had enough, he steps in. And his wrath is absolute, however just.   The cloudy sky rips open and Bahamut ZERO penetrates the atmosphere, hitting the battlefield with a Tetra Flare, killing the armies of all involved parties. Only the soldiers present. Only the soldiers carrying the torch of that war. Only those actively committing the bloodshed.    Every deity, including the Bahamuts, were sealed in a state it's hard to really explain, but I call it an 'Essence.' They exist, but are frozen in time so that they cannot think, act or use magic until a mortal possessing their Essence 'summons' them. At which point, said mortal individual can command their will. The deity knows what you want it to do, you don't even have to speak. An Essence must exist in either an object crafted by a mortal, or a humanoid mortal being. It is impossible to destroy the essence of a deity.   Bahamut placed the deities in objects in the possession of the Bahamir Dynasty.              The Fall of The Bahamir Dynasty     In the era following the White War, chaos would once again take hold on mortals. Struggling to understand what had happened, and mourning their fallen, there was a brief time of peace for contemplation. When Bahamir diplomats traveled abroad to inform world leaders of the artifacts they now possessed, war over the prospect of obtaining such power was inevitable. Another world war ensued, and the Bahamir Dynasty was picked apart by the rest of the divine races. One by one artifacts fell as regions were defeated and failed to evacuate the artifacts in time.       The Great War     In the centuries to follow, the races one again met of the battlefield, with another world war ensuing. Without Bahamut to step in, the scale of destruction surpasses the White War. During the chaos and bloodshed of the battle, Phoenix strikes Icen down, killing him (this was important because in the written story Shiva was the first deity uncovered by a female antagonist named Lyra Stratta. When she 'summoned' her, she was unfrozen from that moment when she was about to Diamond Dust the entire battlefield to avenge her son. Instead she ended up killing a small element of Zenobian special forces that were accompanying Lyra, thousands of years later. It was how the entire process and purpose of the 'summons' as actually introduced and demonstrated, and a great symbolic moment for Lyra). That climactic battle saw an end to the war when several Time Mages interfered. The summons were gathered by force, placed in artifacts, and hidden away.   The Bahamir retreated into the wilderness. They formed several large tribes, one containing the Imperial family. They remained on the move in dense, unsettled northern and eastern lands. Their sole purpose to protect the Bahamuts.   The Empire of the Odinspawn claimed the larger victory over Whiteguard in the war, and enslaved many of them during the long exchanges of the conflict. Whiteguard worked out borders and were permitted to keep their capitol.   Black Mages denounced Hades, Essences and Magic. They retreated to the savage wilderness of the Veldt, generally considered uninhabitable due to the harsh ecosystems. They remained tribal for all five mortal eras, developing an extremely advanced martial art oriented around mastering the senses enough to defeat armed foes using nothing but mind, body and spirit.   Each Essence was hidden away in a secret location, with only the three Bahamuts remaining on the run.     Over the next three mortal eras, the wars are forgotten. The Essences are forgotten.

That One NPC

That One NPC

 

The Pantheon

Trying to structure the lore in a way that it would feed a world I could then build a story off of, I kept coming back to the 'Summons', and the dilemma of how I would adapt them into my story. It only felt natural to make them the gods of this world. It was both challenging and fun to not only build a pantheon of Final Fantasy Gods, but develop lore that would make them work in the traditional sense.        THE PANTHEON     In the beginning, there was only Bahamut. Guardian of the cosmos and creator of worlds.
  Greater Gods Bahamut created ten Greater Gods that would help shape the features and physics of our game world.   Ramuh Wise, powerful sage and Lord of Time.   Alexander Brave, exalted paladin and Lord of Light.   Hades Shadowy, fiendish sorcerer and Lord of Darkness.   Odin Vicious, mounted general and Lord of War.   Palidor Wild, ferocious bird of prey and Lord of Thunder.   Ifrit Furious, smoldering demon and Lord of Fire.   Titan Towering, mighty cyclops and Lord of Earth.   Shiva Stern, malevolent huntress and Goddess of Ice.   Siren Beautiful, deadly mermaid and Goddess of Water.   Sylph Nimble, furtive nymph and Goddess of Wind.
  Lesser Gods Each Greater God created one or more Lesser Gods.   Neo Bahamut Bahamut created Neo Bahamut from the core of a young star.   Bahamut ZERO Bahamut created Bahamut ZERO from a ferocious black hole.   Shoat Ramuh created Shoat from a ripple in the Time Stream.   Crusader Alexander created Crusader from a shard of his sword.    Diablos Hades created Diablos from the darkness of the underworld.   Doomtrain Hades created Doomtrain from the restless souls of the dead.   Gilgamesh Odin created Gilgamesh from the fiery soul of his horse, Sleipnir, and the essence of the warrior from Gungnir, his sword.   Quezicotl Palidor created Quezicotl from a collision of lighting bolts.   Phoenix Ifrit created Phoenix from a breath of fire.   Golem Titan created Golem from a chunk of rock from the earth.   Icen Shiva created Icen from a lock of her hair.   Leviathan Siren created Leviathan from a stampeding river.   Typhoon Sylph created Typhoon from a raging tornado.
  Children of The Gods Five species of humanoids were created to populate and cultivate the planet.   Bahamir First, Bahamut created a special race of warriors. Their vast empire maintained peace and stability for centuries in the First Era.   Odinspawn Odin set forth, creating masses of stock humans all across the world. They were primitive, and drawn to war by their very nature.   Time Mage Ramuh took his time before creating another special race of humans. The Time Mages are powerful and reclusive. They have watched over the world for centuries from the peaks of Mount Ramuh.   White Mage Alexander took pride and care to create the denizens of Whiteguard. Skillful, intelligent healers, oracles and paladins.   Black Mage Ever the astute, cunning God, Hades created Black Mages last. He carefully studied the creation of each species and crafted a blunt force tool he perceived to be superior to the rest. Taller, stronger, and capable of tapping into each of the elements in addition to the forces of the Underworld.
  Palidor, Ifrit, Shiva, Titan, Siren, and Sylph created the elemental magics and forces, and the vast array of creatures upon the earth.

That One NPC

That One NPC

 

eddsworld life after the end Red Army Files: 001 (PROJECT WAIFU)

The following LOL Instant Messenger conversation was found on the laptop of Paul de Vroom while Yuu R Johnson scoured it for information. It was deemed too hilarious not to share around. TIMESTAMP: 10:30 AM Xx_redleader_xX
Paul I need you to deliver a box of weapons to the armoury in the lab. The lab boys accidentally created something that might try to kill us all if it escapes. -lemondemon
It’s my smoke break. Can’t it wait? Xx_redleader_xX
No. Go do it. I’ll give you an extra smoke break after. -lemondemon
Alright.   TIMESTAMP: 11:15 AM Xx_redleader_xX
Paul.
Paul why did you give the weapons to my tentacle monster? -lemondemon
I tripped and it picked them all up. Xx_redleader_xX
Great.
Great now I have a knife wielding tentacle monster.
A KNIFE WIELDING TENTACLE MONSTER.
How is that even useful?
Go ahead. Explain to me how that is even remotely useful. -lemondemon
You can throw your enemies in there with it? Xx_redleader_xX

For that idea alone I’m letting you keep your smoke breaks.   TIMESTAMP: 4:03 PM Xx_redleader_xX
I just thought of another use for Naifu Waifu. -lemondemon
What use is that? Xx_redleader_xX
Throw in people who disappoint me. You have to get at least one knife away from her before I’ll let you out. -lemondemon
When will you try this out? Xx_redleader_xX
Right now.
With you.
Good luck!

AutumnAbsinthe

AutumnAbsinthe

 

eddsworld life after the end Ani-Mayhem

Matt was staring into the security mirror when he heard edd gasp. “To the zoo!” he rushed past him towards the car, cola and a newspaper in each hand. Tom just sighs and pays for the cola before taking a swig from his flask and quickly following after him, grabbing matt as he passes and dragging him away from the mirror. It only takes a few minutes in the car before all the cola is gone and they’re pulling into an old, decrepit parking lot. edd rushes through the rusting gate past an unenthusiastic teen, who doesn’t even bother asking them to pay. Tom and Matt walk in and look around curiously. Tom is inexplicably drawn to the turtles for some reason and Matt starts posing for all the security cameras. Edd runs all over until he spots it! A TIGER! He bolts over and hops over the waist high fence between the viewing platform and the chained up cat. “Hey! You can’t be in there!” a security guard hops the fence as well and charges after him as he approaches the snarling tiger. Edd turns to look at what made the sound as the guard trips and tumbles past him, coming to an abrupt stop when the tiger pounces.  Edd looks at the small crowd of people who stare in horror and shrugs, used to brutal violence at this point, and jumps a little when something lands in his hand. He looks at it to discover a set of keys. He starts towards the cat again, this time grinning and with the keys needed to free it. While the tiger is busy mauling a guy Edd doesn’t hesitate to hop right onto it’s back and unlock it’s collar. The tiger roars and bounds over the fence as people scream and scatter. ~meanwhile~ Tom grins as he leaves the turtle enclosure, very drunk and proud of himself for some inexplicable reason. The wonders the park for a few minutes before he spots the meerkats… and the chinchillas… and the lion cubs… ~meanwhile again~ Matt made pose after pose, running between cameras trying to get his best side from all angles. He doesn’t notice the screaming or crying as he sees a door with a big picture of a camera on it. “Yay! Photo booth!” he rushes in the door and is immediately entranced by all the monitors and buttons. He rushes up to the console and starts pressing every button he sees as the cameras start moving around frantically and fizzling one by one. He squeals in delight as he spots the biggest and reddest button he’s ever seen and slams his hand down onto it! “WARNING! WARNING! THE MASTER LOCK HAS BEEN DISENGAGED!” Alarms scream and matt bolts out of the room, giggling like mad. he is swept up in a crowd of people running out of the park, several bloody with gashes and one guy missing a hand, and somehow finds himself at the car where tom is closing the boot. “Hi Tim!” Tom jumps at Matt’s shout and turns with a drunken grin. A few little paws can be seen pressed up against the window. “Abou’ ‘ime you ga’ back! We ga’a go!” he slurred as he rushes matt into the back seat and hops into the passenger, rolling down the window and shouting out for edd. “EDD! GET YO’ AS’ TA DA CA’!” Their both startled by a thump on the top of the car and edd seeming to slide off the side, completely unharmed. “You two ready to go?” he gets into the driver’s seat as Tom and Matt nod rapidly. Edd drives home, uncaring of the crowd.  “Hey Edd! ‘Anna meet ma’ ‘ew fri’nd?” Edd nods at the odd question as a tiny cheetah cub pops it’s head out the neck of tom’s hoodie. “I’m gun’a name ‘im… spot!”

AutumnAbsinthe

AutumnAbsinthe

 

eddsworld life after the end Midnight Snack

It was a dark and stormy night when Edd, Matt and Tom went for a late night drive to go grab a midnight snack from the nearby corner store.
“Are we there yet?” Matt asked.
“That’s the fifth time you’ve asked,” Tom groaned.
“Actually yeah, we’re there this time!” Edd replied, “And it only took us three minutes!” The three walked in and looked around at the otherwise empty store, browsing the aisles and grabbing whatever suited their fancy.        Matt walked to the counter and set all their snacks down.
“Is anybody here?” he asked, looking around. He noticed Edd looking at more cola and Tom next to him, telling him about the history of the beverage and it’s original medicinal ingredients. Edd was laughing about it and the two were clearly making some kind of joke about it.
“What body?” somebody asked, popping up from behind the counter.
“What?” Matt asked.
“Nothing!” the person replied, laughing awkwardly, “There is no body! Only me!”
“Okay…?” Matt replied, “Can I buy these snacks?” The guy nodded.
“You’re in luck, because we’re having a free sale!” he said, “You get all of this stuff for free for the low low price of just leaving!” Matt thought for a moment.“But it looks like my friends need more time to finish getting everything they’d like,” he said. The guy behind the counter pulled a big, forced smile and nodded.
“Of course!” he said, “Just don’t leave that area.”        As if on cue, Tom’s bladder called for the toilet. He ran to the restroom, but was stopped.
“Where do you think you’re going?” the guy asked, sliding in front of the bathroom door.
“The toilet,” Tom replied, “Can I get in there?”
“No!” he replied suddenly, “It’s uh… Out of order. All of them. All broke. It’s tragic.”
“What’s all the red stuff?” Tom asked, noticing the red splotches on the guy.
“What do you think it is?” the guy asked, grinning a little. Tom took a small glance around the shop, noting the freshly painted red walls before replying, “Oh, you must be the painter.” The guy nodded.
“That’s right!” he replied, “I’m the painter! It’s paint! Now go find a bush- Wait, no. Go find a tree… Wait, no… Go find somewhere else to do your personal business.” Tom grumbled and walked outside.        Edd looked around. From his vantage point, he could clearly see an arm poking out from behind the counter. While the guy was distracted with Tom, he walked over to it and saw a whole dead body with several knives poking out. He gasped and took a step back. The guy sighed.
“See,” he said, “This is why I gave you guys the free discount. Now I have to make sure you aren’t gonna tell anybody I got mad at my boss and murdered everybody in the shop. Look what you’ve done!”        Suddenly, the guy pulled out a knife and chased after Edd. Tom noticed just as he was about to leave and quickly looked around for something to use against this guy. He found a packet of mustard and threw it under the guy’s feet, sending him slipping across the floor and into the wall. Tom quickly grabbed Edd and looked around.
“Where’s Matt?” Edd asked.        Matt, as it turns out, was grabbing boxes of biscuits. Everything was free, so why not stock up? It only took a few seconds for him to trip over the guy.
“Well then,” the guy said, “If it’s all the same to you, you need to pay for your midnight snack!”
“But I thought you said it was free!” Matt protested.
“The sale ended,” the guy replied, holding up his knife, “Now you have to pay…” Pause for dramatic effect…
“WITH YOUR LIFE!” Matt screamed and ran behind the counter of a deep fried Mars bar area.
“Don’t come any closer!” he cried, backing up to the deep fry containers. The guy walked closer. In a panic, Matt grabbed one of the baskets in the oil and threw it at him. The guy ran off screaming into one of the bathrooms.
“IT BURNS!” he yelled, “THIS STUFF IS BLOODY HOT! WHY?!”        Edd ran in after him.
“Why don’t I help you?” he asked.
“Would you?” the guy asked back. Edd shrugged.
“Here, close your eyes so I can get this stuff off you,” he said, taking off the basket and steering him into one of the stalls. He looked around before shoving the guy’s head in the toilet and running off.
“Let’s get our stuff and get out of here!” he yelled, grabbing the cola and running. Tom and Matt grabbed their stuff and ran out after him.

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AutumnAbsinthe

 

eddsworld life after the end Germhouse Rock

Edd walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, surprised to see Tom and Matt already there. “Hey Edd!” Matt chirped before taking a drink of milk though his crazy straw. “Morning,” Tom said, watching milk pour off his spoon and back into the bowl. “Hey guys,” Edd replied, pouring his own bowl, “You’re up early.” “Yeah, we decided to clean Matt’s room.” Tom looked at Edd. “Problem is, neither of us know what kind of chemical concoction we’d need to clean that mess.” “Oh, don’t worry!” Edd replied shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth and mumbling some sort of concoction. “Alright then,” Tom sighed, “Once more in English?” “Follow me,” Edd said, leaving the table. Tom and Matt followed.   “Alright!” Edd said, “I need bleach, baking soda, vinegar, ammonia and dish soap.” “That sounds a little dangerous,” Matt said quietly. “Trust me, it’ll be fine!” Edd grinned, “This stuff’ll clean anything.” And so they mixed this concoction within Matt’s bedroom. The fumes filled the air almost immediately, sending the three running out of there for some actual breathable air. “That was a horrible idea!” Matt cried. “We just need it to calm down and we can get back in,” Edd smiled, “Don’t worry!”   Several hours later, they opened the door, only to find the room completely empty. “See?” Edd grinned, “What’d I tell you? It’s clean!” “MY EVERYTHINGS!” Matt screeched. Suddenly, a low growl came from within the closet. “Tom? Are you hungry or something?” Edd asked. “I thought that was you,” Tom replied. The three looked to the closet in terror. “It’s your room, you go check it,” Tom said, shoving Matt towards it. Matt nervously reached to the closet door. “Well open it,” Edd said, “It’s probably just Ringo.” Matt took a deep breath in and opened the door.   There for all three to see was a giant green germ monster filling the entire closet. Matt ran out of the room screaming at the top of his lungs. Tom and Edd glanced at each other, then at the monster. “Ew,” they said in unison. And then, it oozed out, leaving a slimy black residue in its wake. The two ran out and slammed the door shut. “To the cleaning aisle of the grocery store!” Edd yelled, dragging his two friends out to the car.   After a brief shopping trip, the three came back home, goggles pulled down, rubber gloves snapped on tight and spraybottles in hand, ready to fire at the onslaught of ickiness that awaited them inside. They all gasped as Tom opened the door. The interior was black and slimey, the goo monster sitting grossly in the centre of the room. “I’ll say it again,” Tom said, “Ew.”
“Agreed,” Edd replied, “Let’s get our house back!” The three charged in, spraying away.   The goo monster roared and shot a gooey limb out at Tom, who slipped and fell before being dragged into the monster, kicking and screaming. Edd and Matt hesitated, staring at the ghastly sight, then glancing at each other for a brief moment.
“I have an idea!” Matt called out to Edd as he dashed out the door, “You hold it off!” Edd sprayed it a few more times, waiting for Matt to come back. Matt was soon to return with the water hose.   “Not in the house, Matt!” is what Edd wanted to say, but all that came out was, “Oh.” as his friend turned the hose on and sprayed the entire house with water, blasting the blob into a disgusting puddle on the floor. Whistling as he worked, Matt then mopped it up. “How’s that for spring cleaning?” he beamed. Edd spat some water out and brushed his hair out of his eyes. “At least it’s gone,” he said, looking around. Tom shakily stood up.
“Tim!” Matt smiled, “You’re alive!”   Tom looked up slowly and grinned at the two as black slime oozed from his empty eyesockets. “Tom is gone,” he said, “Now the Virus will infect the world!” Matt smacked him with the mop and knocked him to the floor.
“No.”

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AutumnAbsinthe

 

eddsworld life after the end Vanity Fair

“Matt, you’ve been in there for five hours!” Tom yelled, banging on the door, “Let someone else use the bathroom!” “Just give me a minute!” Matt replied, staring at his own reflection. Tom groaned in annoyance, bouncing outside the door impatiently. Matt smiled at himself in the mirror for a few minutes longer before opening the door and nearly being trampled by his flatmate, who shoved him out the door and slammed it. Cheerfully, Matt walked to the sofa and flopped onto it. “Oh, hey Matt,” Edd said, flipping through the channels in boredom. “What’s on?” Matt asked, running his fingers through his ginger strawberry blond hair. “Nothing.” Edd got up and turned on the DVD player. “Wanna watch Zombie Dinosaurs from Jurassic Island?” “Yeah!” Tom wandered back in as the movie started and sat beside Edd. “What’s on?” he asked. “Zombie Dinosaurs from Jurassic Island!” Matt replied excitedly. And so, the three watched the movie.   The next day, Tom and Edd met up at the breakfast table. “Morning,” Tom grogged tiredly as he reached into the freezer. “Morning,” Edd replied, eating a big spoonful of cereal, “Use the milk.” Tom pulled his chair out. “Why?” he asked, pouring vodka over his bowl of Eddsworld cereal. Edd sighed. “Have you seen Matt?” he asked. “Probably still sleeping.” Tom drank from the bottle before setting it on the table and adding, “Or staring at himself.” “I’ll go see if he wants to eat something,” Edd said, getting up. He walked to Matt’s quiet room and knocked on the door. “Matt?” he called, “Are you awake? We’re having breakfast.” He stood at the closed door and listened to the silence behind it. “Matt?” he called again, the soundlessness beyond, his only reply. He quietly opened the door. “Matt’s never this quiet…” he mumbled, stepping in. He glanced around at the unmade bed, the scattered beauty products, the photographs and drawings of Matt, the Matt doll on his bed, the beginning of a new novelty toy collection peeking out from underneath the bed and the odd lack of Matt. “Matt…?” he called again, before noticing a slight movement from the corner of his eye. He whipped around to face the antique full body mirror propped against the wall. Staring back at him was a reflection of himself with one key difference – the reflection’s eyes were glowing red. The door slammed behind him before he could leave and as he tried the knob, it wouldn’t turn.   Tom yawned and finished his cereal. “Yep,” he sighed, hearing the banging of Matt’s door, “It’s gonna be a long day.” He looked through the fridge and wrote down a short shopping list. “Edd, Matt, I’m gonna go grocery shopping!” he called into the back of the house as the banging subsided, “Call me if you can think of anything!” He quickly ran out the door, not to return until late in the evening. “I’m home!” he called into the now completely silent house, setting the bags of groceries down and kicking the door closed, “What’d I miss?” He walked off to Matt’s room and knocked on the door. “Are you two still in there?” he asked, “What are you doing?” “Why don’t you come in and see?” Edd replied, “Matt found this cool thing!” “Okay,” Tom shrugged as he opened the door, “Where are you?” He looked around for a moment or two before realizing just what a huge mistake he’d made as he set his eyes upon the lack of his two friends.   “They’re in here,” his reflection said, beckoning him closer. As Tom stepped forward, he didn’t even notice the door closing behind him. Drawn in by the image in the mirror, he barely noticed his slow, uneven steps as he shambled ever closer to his red-eyed reflection in a mesmerized and discombobulated hypnotic haze. The reflection reached his hand out and Tom reached his out to meet it. Their fingertips touched and the reflection dragged him into the mirror.   Edd stared at the newcomer with a sigh. “You too?” he asked. Tom pushed himself off the floor and nodded. “So, what is this?” he asked. “Matt got another magic mirror,” Edd replied in annoyance, “This time it’s a world of our worst fears. Just look at Matt.” He pointed to the rocking self absorbed huddle shivering in the corner and Tom turned him around and gasped as he saw that Matt’s entire face was missing. “What’s yours then?” he asked, turning back to Edd. “No more cola!” Edd exclaimed in anguish. Tom’s gaze floated to the ground in nervous thought before he looked at his friend once again. “Worst fears…?” he asked, feeling as if something was sneaking up behind him. He slowly turned, not wanting to look, hoping this was some weird drunk hallucination…   Then he ducked as a pineapple corer slammed into the opposing wall in the spot where his head was not a second previous. He watched as the pineapple corer dislodged itself from the wall and flung itself at him again. Tom nearly dodged the corer, but a bleeding scratch on his arm and a flash of pain revealed that he’d been hit. “Maybe I should take a moment to reflect on this,” Edd grinned as he ran off, “I’ll go think of a plan, you just keep on dodging!” Tom stared after his friend before narrowly escaping being gored again. “Hey, wait a second!” Edd exclaimed, spinning around with a great idea, “Tom, get in front of the mirror!” “Why?” Tom asked, jumping out of the way of the corer. “Think about it!” he replied, “How else would you escape a mirror?” “Oh!” Tom grinned as he dove in front of the mirror. The corer turned to face him and he ducked just in time as it broke the mirror, pulling the three flatmates back out. Edd grabbed it and threw it to the ground, shattering it completely.   “Now then,” he said, “I’ve spent a whole day without cola.” Tom paused for a moment, realizing he forgot something at the shop possibly more horrifying than a sentient pineapple corer launching itself at his face. “I know we were out this morning and you went shopping, did you pick up more?” Tom stared nervously at his cola addicted friend, before make a run for the door. “I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT THE COLA!”

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AutumnAbsinthe

 

eddsworld life after the end Jurassic Zombehs

Edd lounged on the sofa in his smeg head shirt, watching reruns of the show from whence that phrase came. “We are talking jape of the decade,” one of the characters said, “We are talking April, May, June, July and August Fool. Yes, that’s right. I am Queeg.” Edd laughed. “Plot twist!” he shouted. “You’ve seen it before, Edd,” Tom said as he walked past. “It’s still funny,” Edd grinned. Suddenly, Matt skated in, staring at his reflection with a happy grin as he circled the table. Tom sighed and flopped onto the sofa. “It seems like we do the same thing every day,” he sighed, “We should do something a little more… I dunno… Interesting.” “Let’s worship me!” Matt grinned. Tom and Edd stared at him for a short while. “You first,” Tom sighed, resulting in Matt staring at himself in the mirror, forgetting all about the other two. “Wanna visit Fun Dead?” Edd asked. “Nah,” Tom replied. “You know,” Edd said thoughtfully, “We did get these tickets in the mail. Something about an island retreat of adventure and excitement.” “Is there a bar?” Tom asked. “Probably,” Edd replied. “Let’s go.”       It was a long boat ride and when they got off, they didn’t even realize the island was, aside from them and their fellow passengers, completely deserted. Travel exhaustion is a wacky thing that leaves you feeling a little off… Well, until your friend finds the bar and starts serving himself. Even then, you may not realize the true extent of how few people are there or that everyone you came to the island with is missing.     Edd and Matt wandered around, taking pictures and seeing the sights. Suddenly, a loud roar can from the forest. “Tom?” Matt called, “Is that you?” “I don’t think it’s Tom, Matt,” Edd replied. Loud thumping came from the forest, shaking the ground more and more as it got rapidly closer to the two. The two gasped. “A t-rex!” Matt exclaimed. “A zombie t-rex!” Edd yelled. “I’m gonna ride it!” Tom grinned, running out of the bar, “Matt, go run that way. I’m gonna climb up that tree and jump on it.” “Only if I get to ride it next!” Matt yelled, running in the direction Tom was pointing. The t-rex chased after him. “Can this vacation get any better?” Tom asked. “You bet Jurassican!” Edd grinned. Tom ran off and climbed the tree. He grinned, readying himself to jump on its back, only to be startled by a zombie brachiosaurus peeking into the tree he was in and roaring, causing him to fall out of the tree with a startled shriek. Being the great friend he is, Edd took a picture of the spectacle while laughing.       Tom scuttled backwards, away from the brachiosaurus and right into a nest of zombie compies. Naturally, he got up and ran off screaming. The dinosaurs chased after. After a few seconds, the t-rex decided to abandon Matt and chased after Tom, as well. Matt sighed in relief as he flopped against a tree. His relief wasn’t long lasting however, as a zombie raptor stepped out of some nearby bushes. He looked around frantically, only to see one to either side of him. Naturally, he ran of screaming.     Edd waved at the oncoming ship, trying to get its attention. It veered towards him just as Matt came bolting out of the bushes.
“EDDTHEREAREZOMBIEDINOSCHASINGAFTERMEANDTHEYMIGHTHAVEEATENTOMWEHAVETORUN!!!!!!!!!!” “What?” Edd asked, looking at him, only to see the three raptors chasing after him. Edd looked towards the ship, hoping it would speed up. But no, it slowed to a halt. “Of course,” Edd sighed. Then, out of nowhere, a zombie megalodon rose from beneath it, snapping it up between its jaws like the tastiest snack it’d ever had. “Alright, time to run!” Edd exclaimed, running after Matt. The two got to safety in the bar, hiding behind, well… The bar.       “Any idea where Tom is?” Edd asked. “Last I saw, he was being chased by a lot of them,” Matt replied, “He’s a goner for sure.” “Oh ye of little faith,” Tom grinned, rolling out of one of the cabinets, a bottle of vodka in hand. “TOM!” the two exclaimed in unison. “Turns out zombie dinosaurs are a liiiiiiiiiittle on the invincible side,” Tom said, taking a drink from the bottle. “We should build a boat,” Matt thought aloud, “Get off this island and back home.” “Did you not see what happened to the last boat?” Edd asked, “It got eaten by a prehistoric zombie shark!” “Cool!” Tom exclaimed with a grin, “In all seriousness though, we should really look for a way off this island.” The other two nodded and they all three headed out into the jungle.       “I’m tired of walking,” Matt groaned, “We’ll never get off this island.” Then, the zombie t-rex stepped in front of them. The made a b-line between the dinosaur’s legs, causing him to look so far down that he flipped onto his back with a gigantic THUD. They kept running until…. “Hey, look at this!” Tom said, picking up a gun lying on the ground, “Maybe this’ll keep those zombies at bay!” As if on cue, a zombie raptor ran in front of the three. With a grin, Tom shot at it, only to discover the gun had no bullets. His grin melted into panic and the three ran again, only to meet face-to-face with the t-rex. They ran in another direction, out onto the beach and saw a helicopter above them. They all jumped and waved and screamed, but to no avail. “Matt!” Tom yelled, “Do you still have that mirror?”
“Always!” Matt replied just as loudly. Tom grabbed it and reflected the sun off it.       “Hey, down there!” Yanov exclaimed, pointing down, “We’re being signalled!” Paul looked down. “Oh yeah,” he replied. Then, the sun reflected right into his eye.
“Gah!” he exclaimed, “They’re signalling at a bad angle, whoever they are!” “We’re going down, we’re going down!” Yanov shrieked. Patryck ran up and took the wheel, guiding them to a safe landing on the island. The three pilots stepped out. “We’re saved!” Matt yelled, “Hello! Save me! I’m pretty!” The three ran into the helicopter and before the pilots could say anything, Tom flew off. “THANKS!” he yelled down, “GOOD LUCK!” The pilots looked at each other, then behind them as a loud roar broke the awkward silence.       Tom landed them back at their home safe and sound and they all plopped onto the sofa. “I think we’re all agreed,” Edd said, “Let’s never go on vacation again.” The other two nodded in agreement. “Wanna watch something?” Tom asked. “How about Zombie Dinosaurs from Jurassic Island?” Matt suggested, earning a well deserved yet exhausted glare from his friends. “No.”

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AutumnAbsinthe

 

eddsworld life after the end Fun Dead: Side B

NOTE: Before reading, watch Fun Dead! This won't make a whole lot of sense if you haven't seen it!   Eduardo looked out the window at the chaos outside. Blood everywhere.
“Another zombie apocalypse?” he growled, “Isn’t this the third one or something?”
“I think so!” Jon replied, “I’m not sure I’m ready for another one.”
“Our apocalypse storage ran out after that spirit infestation,” Mark added, “We really aren’t ready for this.”
“Guess we’ll have to brave the latest zombie apocalypse and go shopping,” Eduardo sighed, “Come on, get your coats. We don’t have all day and there’re hundreds of ‘em out there.” Eduardo opened the door and stopped for a second.
“Can somebody shut off that stupid car alarm?” he growled, “It’s been driving me nuts all day.”
“It’s been on for ten minutes,” Jon said a little sheepishly. Eduardo shot a quiet glare at him before grabbing a baseball bat and walking out. Mark and Jon followed him to the car and the three drove off to go get food.   When they got there, the shop was in shambles. Blood, guts and potential groceries were strewn about everywhere.
“We have to be careful,” Eduardo said, taking in the wreckage of the shop, “Let’s stick together and only get what we need.” And so, the three went shopping for food, getting only things that would last a long time, things that would store for another apocalypse. Unfortunately, this was a zombie apocalypse and it wasn’t long before the undead found their way inside the shop.   Eduardo glared at the zombies and readied his baseball bat.
“Mark, Jon, get behind me,” he growled, “You two are hopeless at fighting and I’d rather not have to deal with either of you being one of these brain-hungry losers.”
“Eduardo?” Jon asked quietly.
“Yeah?” he friend replied.
“I don’t know where Mark is…”   Mark walked down the street to another shop that might have more food, humming quietly and keeping an eye out for the zombies. Unfortunately, he didn’t notice the car barrelling down the road until it rushed through a blood puddle, splashing him with whoever’s blood it may have once been. He blinked in surprise and looked around.
“Who did that?” he asked himself, “I should probably follow that car. Maybe whoever’s in it can help us!” And with that thought, he ran after it.   Eduardo and Jon shoved the groceries in the car and drove home.
“Shouldn’t we try to find Mark?” Jon asked, clearly nervous about the whole ordeal. Eduardo nodded.
“But for that,” he replied, “We’ll need a lot more than just a baseball bat. Last time I checked, we had some other blunt objects. Let’s go get them and go.” Jon looked out the window at all the zombies.
“If I get bitten, promise me you won’t let me turn,” he said. Eduardo glanced at him.
“I…”
He looked back at the road.
“I won’t let that happen.”   When they got home, they shoved the food in their emergency supplies and geared up. They grabbed cricket bats and lead pipes and Eduardo wrapped barbed wire around his bat. Jon put on a welding mask and Eduardo strapped a pair of gardening shears to his leg.
“Let’s go,” he said, opening the door back up and smashing a zombie in the face, “I ain’t in the mood to deal with these undead pendejos more than I have to.” They quickly ran out and got in the car. It wasn’t until that point that they realized neither of them knew how or where to actually find their missing friend. They drove around London until they ran out of gas which, to be fair, wasn’t a long time as Eduardo had forgotten to fill it up in the midst of the apocalypse that had been going on since winter. It was spring now and he still hadn’t found time to bother with that. Luckily, they caught sight of Mark in the midst of a zombie horde in an amusement park – and he was still alive! They grabbed their things and rushed in, killing zombies left in right in splatters of gore and guts, not noticing the other three survivors doing the same to other zombies.   “Mark!” Eduardo called out over the horde, “Mark, what are you doing?!”
“I came to find survivors!” he replied, rushing over with his groceries.
“Come on, we need to get gas for the car,” he said, “Let’s get outta here before they realize we’re here!” Jon pointed at all of the zombies going towards one area… and stopping?
“What are they doing?” he asked, “That’s a little odd for zombies, don’t you think?”
“Who cares,” Eduardo said, grabbing Mark and Jon and dragging them off, “Let’s just get home. We finally have everything we need to hole up for the apocalypse this time.”   Jon turned on the television when they got back.
“The zombie apocalypse has ended, everyone!” a cheerful newscaster announced, “Unrelated, a new theme park opened up where asdfland was – FUN DEAD! Come on down to the new attraction, run by Edd G-” Eduardo turned it off.
“We went through all of that for the zombie apocalypse to just end suddenly?!”

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