It was a dark and stormy night when Edd, Matt and Tom went for a late night drive to go grab a midnight snack from the nearby corner store.
“Are we there yet?” Matt asked.
“That’s the fifth time you’ve asked,” Tom groaned.
“Actually yeah, we’re there this time!” Edd replied, “And it only took us three minutes!” The three walked in and looked around at the otherwise empty store, browsing the aisles and grabbing whatever suited their fancy.
Matt walked to the counter and set all their snacks down.
“Is anybody here?” he asked, looking around. He noticed Edd looking at more cola and Tom next to him, telling him about the history of the beverage and it’s original medicinal ingredients. Edd was laughing about it and the two were clearly making some kind of joke about it.
“What body?” somebody asked, popping up from behind the counter.
“What?” Matt asked.
“Nothing!” the person replied, laughing awkwardly, “There is no body! Only me!”
“Okay…?” Matt replied, “Can I buy these snacks?” The guy nodded.
“You’re in luck, because we’re having a free sale!” he said, “You get all of this stuff for free for the low low price of just leaving!” Matt thought for a moment.“But it looks like my friends need more time to finish getting everything they’d like,” he said. The guy behind the counter pulled a big, forced smile and nodded.
“Of course!” he said, “Just don’t leave that area.”
As if on cue, Tom’s bladder called for the toilet. He ran to the restroom, but was stopped.
“Where do you think you’re going?” the guy asked, sliding in front of the bathroom door.
“The toilet,” Tom replied, “Can I get in there?”
“No!” he replied suddenly, “It’s uh… Out of order. All of them. All broke. It’s tragic.”
“What’s all the red stuff?” Tom asked, noticing the red splotches on the guy.
“What do you think it is?” the guy asked, grinning a little. Tom took a small glance around the shop, noting the freshly painted red walls before replying, “Oh, you must be the painter.” The guy nodded.
“That’s right!” he replied, “I’m the painter! It’s paint! Now go find a bush- Wait, no. Go find a tree… Wait, no… Go find somewhere else to do your personal business.” Tom grumbled and walked outside.
Edd looked around. From his vantage point, he could clearly see an arm poking out from behind the counter. While the guy was distracted with Tom, he walked over to it and saw a whole dead body with several knives poking out. He gasped and took a step back. The guy sighed.
“See,” he said, “This is why I gave you guys the free discount. Now I have to make sure you aren’t gonna tell anybody I got mad at my boss and murdered everybody in the shop. Look what you’ve done!”
Suddenly, the guy pulled out a knife and chased after Edd. Tom noticed just as he was about to leave and quickly looked around for something to use against this guy. He found a packet of mustard and threw it under the guy’s feet, sending him slipping across the floor and into the wall. Tom quickly grabbed Edd and looked around.
“Where’s Matt?” Edd asked.
Matt, as it turns out, was grabbing boxes of biscuits. Everything was free, so why not stock up? It only took a few seconds for him to trip over the guy.
“Well then,” the guy said, “If it’s all the same to you, you need to pay for your midnight snack!”
“But I thought you said it was free!” Matt protested.
“The sale ended,” the guy replied, holding up his knife, “Now you have to pay…” Pause for dramatic effect…
“WITH YOUR LIFE!” Matt screamed and ran behind the counter of a deep fried Mars bar area.
“Don’t come any closer!” he cried, backing up to the deep fry containers. The guy walked closer. In a panic, Matt grabbed one of the baskets in the oil and threw it at him. The guy ran off screaming into one of the bathrooms.
“IT BURNS!” he yelled, “THIS STUFF IS BLOODY HOT! WHY?!”
Edd ran in after him.
“Why don’t I help you?” he asked.
“Would you?” the guy asked back. Edd shrugged.
“Here, close your eyes so I can get this stuff off you,” he said, taking off the basket and steering him into one of the stalls. He looked around before shoving the guy’s head in the toilet and running off.
“Let’s get our stuff and get out of here!” he yelled, grabbing the cola and running. Tom and Matt grabbed their stuff and ran out after him.
Edd walked into the kitchen and sat at the table, surprised to see Tom and Matt already there.
“Hey Edd!” Matt chirped before taking a drink of milk though his crazy straw.
“Morning,” Tom said, watching milk pour off his spoon and back into the bowl.
“Hey guys,” Edd replied, pouring his own bowl, “You’re up early.”
“Yeah, we decided to clean Matt’s room.” Tom looked at Edd. “Problem is, neither of us know what kind of chemical concoction we’d need to clean that mess.”
“Oh, don’t worry!” Edd replied shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth and mumbling some sort of concoction.
“Alright then,” Tom sighed, “Once more in English?”
“Follow me,” Edd said, leaving the table. Tom and Matt followed.
“Alright!” Edd said, “I need bleach, baking soda, vinegar, ammonia and dish soap.”
“That sounds a little dangerous,” Matt said quietly.
“Trust me, it’ll be fine!” Edd grinned, “This stuff’ll clean anything.” And so they mixed this concoction within Matt’s bedroom. The fumes filled the air almost immediately, sending the three running out of there for some actual breathable air.
“That was a horrible idea!” Matt cried.
“We just need it to calm down and we can get back in,” Edd smiled, “Don’t worry!”
Several hours later, they opened the door, only to find the room completely empty.
“See?” Edd grinned, “What’d I tell you? It’s clean!”
“MY EVERYTHINGS!” Matt screeched. Suddenly, a low growl came from within the closet.
“Tom? Are you hungry or something?” Edd asked.
“I thought that was you,” Tom replied. The three looked to the closet in terror.
“It’s your room, you go check it,” Tom said, shoving Matt towards it. Matt nervously reached to the closet door.
“Well open it,” Edd said, “It’s probably just Ringo.” Matt took a deep breath in and opened the door.
There for all three to see was a giant green germ monster filling the entire closet. Matt ran out of the room screaming at the top of his lungs. Tom and Edd glanced at each other, then at the monster.
“Ew,” they said in unison. And then, it oozed out, leaving a slimy black residue in its wake. The two ran out and slammed the door shut.
“To the cleaning aisle of the grocery store!” Edd yelled, dragging his two friends out to the car.
After a brief shopping trip, the three came back home, goggles pulled down, rubber gloves snapped on tight and spraybottles in hand, ready to fire at the onslaught of ickiness that awaited them inside. They all gasped as Tom opened the door. The interior was black and slimey, the goo monster sitting grossly in the centre of the room.
“I’ll say it again,” Tom said, “Ew.”
“Agreed,” Edd replied, “Let’s get our house back!” The three charged in, spraying away.
The goo monster roared and shot a gooey limb out at Tom, who slipped and fell before being dragged into the monster, kicking and screaming. Edd and Matt hesitated, staring at the ghastly sight, then glancing at each other for a brief moment.
“I have an idea!” Matt called out to Edd as he dashed out the door, “You hold it off!” Edd sprayed it a few more times, waiting for Matt to come back. Matt was soon to return with the water hose.
“Not in the house, Matt!” is what Edd wanted to say, but all that came out was, “Oh.” as his friend turned the hose on and sprayed the entire house with water, blasting the blob into a disgusting puddle on the floor. Whistling as he worked, Matt then mopped it up.
“How’s that for spring cleaning?” he beamed. Edd spat some water out and brushed his hair out of his eyes.
“At least it’s gone,” he said, looking around. Tom shakily stood up.
“Tim!” Matt smiled, “You’re alive!”
Tom looked up slowly and grinned at the two as black slime oozed from his empty eyesockets.
“Tom is gone,” he said, “Now the Virus will infect the world!” Matt smacked him with the mop and knocked him to the floor.
“No.”
“Matt, you’ve been in there for five hours!” Tom yelled, banging on the door, “Let someone else use the bathroom!”
“Just give me a minute!” Matt replied, staring at his own reflection. Tom groaned in annoyance, bouncing outside the door impatiently. Matt smiled at himself in the mirror for a few minutes longer before opening the door and nearly being trampled by his flatmate, who shoved him out the door and slammed it. Cheerfully, Matt walked to the sofa and flopped onto it.
“Oh, hey Matt,” Edd said, flipping through the channels in boredom.
“What’s on?” Matt asked, running his fingers through his ginger strawberry blond hair.
“Nothing.” Edd got up and turned on the DVD player. “Wanna watch Zombie Dinosaurs from Jurassic Island?”
“Yeah!”
Tom wandered back in as the movie started and sat beside Edd.
“What’s on?” he asked.
“Zombie Dinosaurs from Jurassic Island!” Matt replied excitedly. And so, the three watched the movie.
The next day, Tom and Edd met up at the breakfast table.
“Morning,” Tom grogged tiredly as he reached into the freezer.
“Morning,” Edd replied, eating a big spoonful of cereal, “Use the milk.” Tom pulled his chair out.
“Why?” he asked, pouring vodka over his bowl of Eddsworld cereal. Edd sighed.
“Have you seen Matt?” he asked.
“Probably still sleeping.” Tom drank from the bottle before setting it on the table and adding, “Or staring at himself.”
“I’ll go see if he wants to eat something,” Edd said, getting up. He walked to Matt’s quiet room and knocked on the door.
“Matt?” he called, “Are you awake? We’re having breakfast.” He stood at the closed door and listened to the silence behind it.
“Matt?” he called again, the soundlessness beyond, his only reply. He quietly opened the door.
“Matt’s never this quiet…” he mumbled, stepping in. He glanced around at the unmade bed, the scattered beauty products, the photographs and drawings of Matt, the Matt doll on his bed, the beginning of a new novelty toy collection peeking out from underneath the bed and the odd lack of Matt.
“Matt…?” he called again, before noticing a slight movement from the corner of his eye. He whipped around to face the antique full body mirror propped against the wall. Staring back at him was a reflection of himself with one key difference – the reflection’s eyes were glowing red. The door slammed behind him before he could leave and as he tried the knob, it wouldn’t turn.
Tom yawned and finished his cereal.
“Yep,” he sighed, hearing the banging of Matt’s door, “It’s gonna be a long day.” He looked through the fridge and wrote down a short shopping list.
“Edd, Matt, I’m gonna go grocery shopping!” he called into the back of the house as the banging subsided, “Call me if you can think of anything!” He quickly ran out the door, not to return until late in the evening.
“I’m home!” he called into the now completely silent house, setting the bags of groceries down and kicking the door closed, “What’d I miss?” He walked off to Matt’s room and knocked on the door.
“Are you two still in there?” he asked, “What are you doing?”
“Why don’t you come in and see?” Edd replied, “Matt found this cool thing!”
“Okay,” Tom shrugged as he opened the door, “Where are you?” He looked around for a moment or two before realizing just what a huge mistake he’d made as he set his eyes upon the lack of his two friends.
“They’re in here,” his reflection said, beckoning him closer. As Tom stepped forward, he didn’t even notice the door closing behind him. Drawn in by the image in the mirror, he barely noticed his slow, uneven steps as he shambled ever closer to his red-eyed reflection in a mesmerized and discombobulated hypnotic haze. The reflection reached his hand out and Tom reached his out to meet it. Their fingertips touched and the reflection dragged him into the mirror.
Edd stared at the newcomer with a sigh.
“You too?” he asked. Tom pushed himself off the floor and nodded.
“So, what is this?” he asked.
“Matt got another magic mirror,” Edd replied in annoyance, “This time it’s a world of our worst fears. Just look at Matt.” He pointed to the rocking self absorbed huddle shivering in the corner and Tom turned him around and gasped as he saw that Matt’s entire face was missing.
“What’s yours then?” he asked, turning back to Edd.
“No more cola!” Edd exclaimed in anguish. Tom’s gaze floated to the ground in nervous thought before he looked at his friend once again.
“Worst fears…?” he asked, feeling as if something was sneaking up behind him. He slowly turned, not wanting to look, hoping this was some weird drunk hallucination…
Then he ducked as a pineapple corer slammed into the opposing wall in the spot where his head was not a second previous. He watched as the pineapple corer dislodged itself from the wall and flung itself at him again. Tom nearly dodged the corer, but a bleeding scratch on his arm and a flash of pain revealed that he’d been hit.
“Maybe I should take a moment to reflect on this,” Edd grinned as he ran off, “I’ll go think of a plan, you just keep on dodging!” Tom stared after his friend before narrowly escaping being gored again.
“Hey, wait a second!” Edd exclaimed, spinning around with a great idea, “Tom, get in front of the mirror!”
“Why?” Tom asked, jumping out of the way of the corer.
“Think about it!” he replied, “How else would you escape a mirror?”
“Oh!” Tom grinned as he dove in front of the mirror. The corer turned to face him and he ducked just in time as it broke the mirror, pulling the three flatmates back out. Edd grabbed it and threw it to the ground, shattering it completely.
“Now then,” he said, “I’ve spent a whole day without cola.” Tom paused for a moment, realizing he forgot something at the shop possibly more horrifying than a sentient pineapple corer launching itself at his face.
“I know we were out this morning and you went shopping, did you pick up more?” Tom stared nervously at his cola addicted friend, before make a run for the door.
“I CAN’T BELIEVE I FORGOT THE COLA!”
Edd lounged on the sofa in his smeg head shirt, watching reruns of the show from whence that phrase came.
“We are talking jape of the decade,” one of the characters said, “We are talking April, May, June, July and August Fool. Yes, that’s right. I am Queeg.” Edd laughed.
“Plot twist!” he shouted.
“You’ve seen it before, Edd,” Tom said as he walked past.
“It’s still funny,” Edd grinned. Suddenly, Matt skated in, staring at his reflection with a happy grin as he circled the table. Tom sighed and flopped onto the sofa.
“It seems like we do the same thing every day,” he sighed, “We should do something a little more… I dunno… Interesting.”
“Let’s worship me!” Matt grinned. Tom and Edd stared at him for a short while.
“You first,” Tom sighed, resulting in Matt staring at himself in the mirror, forgetting all about the other two.
“Wanna visit Fun Dead?” Edd asked.
“Nah,” Tom replied.
“You know,” Edd said thoughtfully, “We did get these tickets in the mail. Something about an island retreat of adventure and excitement.”
“Is there a bar?” Tom asked.
“Probably,” Edd replied.
“Let’s go.”
It was a long boat ride and when they got off, they didn’t even realize the island was, aside from them and their fellow passengers, completely deserted. Travel exhaustion is a wacky thing that leaves you feeling a little off… Well, until your friend finds the bar and starts serving himself. Even then, you may not realize the true extent of how few people are there or that everyone you came to the island with is missing.
Edd and Matt wandered around, taking pictures and seeing the sights. Suddenly, a loud roar can from the forest.
“Tom?” Matt called, “Is that you?”
“I don’t think it’s Tom, Matt,” Edd replied. Loud thumping came from the forest, shaking the ground more and more as it got rapidly closer to the two. The two gasped.
“A t-rex!” Matt exclaimed.
“A zombie t-rex!” Edd yelled.
“I’m gonna ride it!” Tom grinned, running out of the bar, “Matt, go run that way. I’m gonna climb up that tree and jump on it.”
“Only if I get to ride it next!” Matt yelled, running in the direction Tom was pointing. The t-rex chased after him.
“Can this vacation get any better?” Tom asked.
“You bet Jurassican!” Edd grinned. Tom ran off and climbed the tree. He grinned, readying himself to jump on its back, only to be startled by a zombie brachiosaurus peeking into the tree he was in and roaring, causing him to fall out of the tree with a startled shriek. Being the great friend he is, Edd took a picture of the spectacle while laughing.
Tom scuttled backwards, away from the brachiosaurus and right into a nest of zombie compies. Naturally, he got up and ran off screaming. The dinosaurs chased after. After a few seconds, the t-rex decided to abandon Matt and chased after Tom, as well. Matt sighed in relief as he flopped against a tree. His relief wasn’t long lasting however, as a zombie raptor stepped out of some nearby bushes. He looked around frantically, only to see one to either side of him. Naturally, he ran of screaming.
Edd waved at the oncoming ship, trying to get its attention. It veered towards him just as Matt came bolting out of the bushes.
“EDDTHEREAREZOMBIEDINOSCHASINGAFTERMEANDTHEYMIGHTHAVEEATENTOMWEHAVETORUN!!!!!!!!!!”
“What?” Edd asked, looking at him, only to see the three raptors chasing after him. Edd looked towards the ship, hoping it would speed up. But no, it slowed to a halt.
“Of course,” Edd sighed. Then, out of nowhere, a zombie megalodon rose from beneath it, snapping it up between its jaws like the tastiest snack it’d ever had.
“Alright, time to run!” Edd exclaimed, running after Matt. The two got to safety in the bar, hiding behind, well… The bar.
“Any idea where Tom is?” Edd asked.
“Last I saw, he was being chased by a lot of them,” Matt replied, “He’s a goner for sure.”
“Oh ye of little faith,” Tom grinned, rolling out of one of the cabinets, a bottle of vodka in hand.
“TOM!” the two exclaimed in unison.
“Turns out zombie dinosaurs are a liiiiiiiiiittle on the invincible side,” Tom said, taking a drink from the bottle.
“We should build a boat,” Matt thought aloud, “Get off this island and back home.”
“Did you not see what happened to the last boat?” Edd asked, “It got eaten by a prehistoric zombie shark!”
“Cool!” Tom exclaimed with a grin, “In all seriousness though, we should really look for a way off this island.” The other two nodded and they all three headed out into the jungle.
“I’m tired of walking,” Matt groaned, “We’ll never get off this island.”
Then, the zombie t-rex stepped in front of them. The made a b-line between the dinosaur’s legs, causing him to look so far down that he flipped onto his back with a gigantic THUD. They kept running until….
“Hey, look at this!” Tom said, picking up a gun lying on the ground, “Maybe this’ll keep those zombies at bay!” As if on cue, a zombie raptor ran in front of the three. With a grin, Tom shot at it, only to discover the gun had no bullets. His grin melted into panic and the three ran again, only to meet face-to-face with the t-rex. They ran in another direction, out onto the beach and saw a helicopter above them. They all jumped and waved and screamed, but to no avail.
“Matt!” Tom yelled, “Do you still have that mirror?”
“Always!” Matt replied just as loudly. Tom grabbed it and reflected the sun off it.
“Hey, down there!” Yanov exclaimed, pointing down, “We’re being signalled!” Paul looked down.
“Oh yeah,” he replied. Then, the sun reflected right into his eye.
“Gah!” he exclaimed, “They’re signalling at a bad angle, whoever they are!”
“We’re going down, we’re going down!” Yanov shrieked. Patryck ran up and took the wheel, guiding them to a safe landing on the island. The three pilots stepped out.
“We’re saved!” Matt yelled, “Hello! Save me! I’m pretty!” The three ran into the helicopter and before the pilots could say anything, Tom flew off.
“THANKS!” he yelled down, “GOOD LUCK!” The pilots looked at each other, then behind them as a loud roar broke the awkward silence.
Tom landed them back at their home safe and sound and they all plopped onto the sofa.
“I think we’re all agreed,” Edd said, “Let’s never go on vacation again.” The other two nodded in agreement.
“Wanna watch something?” Tom asked.
“How about Zombie Dinosaurs from Jurassic Island?” Matt suggested, earning a well deserved yet exhausted glare from his friends.
“No.”
NOTE: Before reading, watch Fun Dead! This won't make a whole lot of sense if you haven't seen it!
Eduardo looked out the window at the chaos outside. Blood everywhere.
“Another zombie apocalypse?” he growled, “Isn’t this the third one or something?”
“I think so!” Jon replied, “I’m not sure I’m ready for another one.”
“Our apocalypse storage ran out after that spirit infestation,” Mark added, “We really aren’t ready for this.”
“Guess we’ll have to brave the latest zombie apocalypse and go shopping,” Eduardo sighed, “Come on, get your coats. We don’t have all day and there’re hundreds of ‘em out there.” Eduardo opened the door and stopped for a second.
“Can somebody shut off that stupid car alarm?” he growled, “It’s been driving me nuts all day.”
“It’s been on for ten minutes,” Jon said a little sheepishly. Eduardo shot a quiet glare at him before grabbing a baseball bat and walking out. Mark and Jon followed him to the car and the three drove off to go get food.
When they got there, the shop was in shambles. Blood, guts and potential groceries were strewn about everywhere.
“We have to be careful,” Eduardo said, taking in the wreckage of the shop, “Let’s stick together and only get what we need.” And so, the three went shopping for food, getting only things that would last a long time, things that would store for another apocalypse. Unfortunately, this was a zombie apocalypse and it wasn’t long before the undead found their way inside the shop.
Eduardo glared at the zombies and readied his baseball bat.
“Mark, Jon, get behind me,” he growled, “You two are hopeless at fighting and I’d rather not have to deal with either of you being one of these brain-hungry losers.”
“Eduardo?” Jon asked quietly.
“Yeah?” he friend replied.
“I don’t know where Mark is…”
Mark walked down the street to another shop that might have more food, humming quietly and keeping an eye out for the zombies. Unfortunately, he didn’t notice the car barrelling down the road until it rushed through a blood puddle, splashing him with whoever’s blood it may have once been. He blinked in surprise and looked around.
“Who did that?” he asked himself, “I should probably follow that car. Maybe whoever’s in it can help us!” And with that thought, he ran after it.
Eduardo and Jon shoved the groceries in the car and drove home.
“Shouldn’t we try to find Mark?” Jon asked, clearly nervous about the whole ordeal. Eduardo nodded.
“But for that,” he replied, “We’ll need a lot more than just a baseball bat. Last time I checked, we had some other blunt objects. Let’s go get them and go.” Jon looked out the window at all the zombies.
“If I get bitten, promise me you won’t let me turn,” he said. Eduardo glanced at him.
“I…”
He looked back at the road.
“I won’t let that happen.”
When they got home, they shoved the food in their emergency supplies and geared up. They grabbed cricket bats and lead pipes and Eduardo wrapped barbed wire around his bat. Jon put on a welding mask and Eduardo strapped a pair of gardening shears to his leg.
“Let’s go,” he said, opening the door back up and smashing a zombie in the face, “I ain’t in the mood to deal with these undead pendejos more than I have to.” They quickly ran out and got in the car. It wasn’t until that point that they realized neither of them knew how or where to actually find their missing friend. They drove around London until they ran out of gas which, to be fair, wasn’t a long time as Eduardo had forgotten to fill it up in the midst of the apocalypse that had been going on since winter. It was spring now and he still hadn’t found time to bother with that. Luckily, they caught sight of Mark in the midst of a zombie horde in an amusement park – and he was still alive! They grabbed their things and rushed in, killing zombies left in right in splatters of gore and guts, not noticing the other three survivors doing the same to other zombies.
“Mark!” Eduardo called out over the horde, “Mark, what are you doing?!”
“I came to find survivors!” he replied, rushing over with his groceries.
“Come on, we need to get gas for the car,” he said, “Let’s get outta here before they realize we’re here!” Jon pointed at all of the zombies going towards one area… and stopping?
“What are they doing?” he asked, “That’s a little odd for zombies, don’t you think?”
“Who cares,” Eduardo said, grabbing Mark and Jon and dragging them off, “Let’s just get home. We finally have everything we need to hole up for the apocalypse this time.”
Jon turned on the television when they got back.
“The zombie apocalypse has ended, everyone!” a cheerful newscaster announced, “Unrelated, a new theme park opened up where asdfland was – FUN DEAD! Come on down to the new attraction, run by Edd G-” Eduardo turned it off.
“We went through all of that for the zombie apocalypse to just end suddenly?!”
NOTE: Before reading, watch Moving Targets! This won't make sense if you haven't seen it!
Tord laid there, the hippo on top of him until somebody rolled it off of him. He sat up, biting back the pain of being sat on – no, crushed by a hippo. How would you feel? Tip-top shape? Hell no!
“We’re in need of new recruits,” an annoyed Dutchman sighed, “You’re the only one around who didn’t wipe out the entire base. Wanna join the Red Army?” Tord thought for a moment as a blond guy hobbled over behind this eyebrow man.
“What are you guys fighting for?” he asked.
“Well, let’s see,” Eyebrows sighed, “We’re called the Red Army. What could we possibly-”
“Communism,” Blondie squeaked, earning a glare from Eyebrows for interrupting him.
“I’m in,” Tord replied, shakily standing up.
Tord adjusted his Pickelhaube and grinned as he limped off to the remains of the Enemy Base with Eyebrows and Blondie.
“What’s your name, anyway?” Blondie asked happily.
“Tord,” Tord replied.
“Cool name!” he chirped, “I’m Yuu and this is Paul!”
“Where’s Patryck?” Paul asked.
“Probably with Yanov,” Yuu smiled, “We have a new friend!” Paul sighed.
“Long day?” Tord asked.
“Long day,” Paul replied.
“It wasn’t too bad until all this happened,” Yuu shrugged, “Maybe we should have a less obvious base.”
“Yuu, I’m going to shove your rifle so far up your-” Paul growled, only to be cut off by Yuu saying, “Oh, lighten up, Eyebrows.” Tord snickered a little. He knew he’d fit in just fine.
So most of you know I am a Loose Leaf junkie. If you don't know what Loose Leafs are, it's a lesser known and used type of tall sprite. For years there was an online generator to customize your own LLs, but the site is no longer working. Fortunately, some brave soul extracted the resources into png files for the entire community. I have my own copy of the pngs, and I've been editing away like a good little addict, expanding the power of the Loose Leaf generator.
I'm back with a fresh round of edits to share. The Odyssey continues.
Head feathers.
Harness 1
Harness 2
Tank Top
Suit Jacket
Chain mail Top
Chain mail Bottom
Badge
Epaulets
Satchel
Small Male (Remember to adjust items after adding the layers. It's surprisingly easy to make them, just takes a bit more work)
Small Female (Remember to adjust items after adding the layers. It's surprisingly easy to make them, just takes a bit more work)
(The small sprites have been shortened by 4 pixels each. 2 pixels have been removed from the torso, and 2 from the legs.)
I also have some grids I use just to make sure everything is tight and right frame-wise first time.
Grid Single
Grid Full
Enjoy! And whatever you do, don't credit me. This isn't my work, I just do edits.
(Spoiler includes potentially NSFW stuffs)
Right now, I'm still pulling together various bits, but I am pretty sure I'll have a demo out soon.
I'm gonna spoil a couple of things.
This game will contain soundscares. Right now, I just have a few soundscares in place, but they'll be fairly common in the game and a small part of the story.
I also intend to have scenes where you're being chased, or are traveling, and I intend to have those in Mode 7, if possible. I don't have all that worked out just yet, but I am getting there.
I am still trying to figure out if I'll be able to have art-depictions of various cutscenes or if those will all be text, but either way, I hope to produce an enjoyable experience.
Everyone knows that different colours mean different things. Even if you know of something as simple as Pokemon, you have certain colours associated with certain things. In magic, this holds true and is actually very important. Today, I would like to explain the colours and associations in regards to magic.
Colours are used in various ceremonies, holidays, altars, spells, and more. Some choose to wear certain colours to help whatever they are working on, or to help them feel a certain way, or accomplish a certain goal. They have always had certain connotations and, without realizing it, many subconsciously go along with it without realizing why. Putting on red lipstick to up one's sex appeal, for instance, or painting a room yellow (or filling it with yellow decor) to feel happier.
The truth is, everything has energy. Colours have energies that people have picked up on and have thus grown to associate them with. Many people even pick a favourite colour based solely or partially on how that colour makes them feel, and not simply on how it looks!
-----------------------
RED: Red is a high-energy colour. It's frequently associated with strong emotions (love, lust, anger, eating too much hot sauce, etc.). In magic, it's frequently used in regards to much the same types of things. Love, conflict, anger, etc. However, if you're having a problem with too much hot sauce, eat a banana, drink some milk, and tone down how much you use next time.
Planet: Mars
Zodiac: Aries, Scorpio
Chakra: Root
Element: Fire
ORANGE: Orange is primarily used for creativity, courage, justice, joy, opportunity, and even legal matters.
Planet: Sun
Zodiac: Leo, Sagittarius
Chakra: Sacral
Element: Fire
YELLOW: Doesn't this colour just make you happy inside? Yellow is used for happiness, optimism, intellect and energy - particularly a more masculine energy. Also, if you need help with physical travel, this is your colour.
Planet: Mercury
Zodiac: Taurus, Libra
Chakra: Solar-Plexus
Element: Air
GREEN: Wealth, abundance, prosperity, growth, fertility, and energy - particularly a more feminine energy.
Planet: Venus, Mercury
Zodiac: Aquarius, Cancer
Chakra: Heart
Element: Earth
BLUE: Communication, intuition, the subconscious, emotions, winning court cases and intellect.
Planet: Jupiter, Moon, Neptune, Mercury, Uranus
Zodiac: Virgo, Capricorn, Aquarius, Pisces
Chakra: Throat
Element: Water
PINK: Romantic love, self care, emotional healing, friendship, and self love. It's similar to red, but a lot calmer.
Planet: Venus
Zodiac: Libra
Chakra: N/A
Element: N/A
PURPLE: Spirituality, psychic abilities, hidden knowledge, and wisdom.
Planet: Mercury, Saturn, Jupiter
Zodiac: Sagittarius, Gemini, Capricorn
Chakra: Crown
Element: N/A
BLACK: Protection, combating negativity, banishing negativity, and binding. It has an association with death and endings, but it is not an evil colour in the least. In fact, there is no such thing as an evil colour.
Planet: Saturn
Zodiac: Capricorn, Scorpio
Chakra: N/A
Element: N/A
WHITE: Purity and peace. Here's the thing though - this can be used as a placeholder or any other colour!
Planet: Moon
Zodiac: Pisces
Chakra: Crown
Element: N/A
SILVER: Dreams, intuition, lunar energy, and femininity.
Planet: Moon
Zodiac: N/A
Chakra: N/A
Element: N/A
GOLD: Power, ego, courage, success, popularity, fame, solar energy, and masculinity.
Planet: Sun
Zodiac: N/A
Chakra: N/A
Element: N/A
Hello! I am speaking as someone who is trans and has boobs and knows a thing or two. I've noticed lackluster interpretations of binding and lackluster advice about binding in a lot of things.
First of all, before you learn what to do, learn what not to do.
Ace bandages/compression bandages.
Use these/give them to your character(s) and I'll appear in your home at 3 AM and give you a binder because this is not safe. This is a good way to hurt yourself, actually. I mean, unless you want to get crushed, bruised and potentially have permanent harm done to you body.
Tape products.
Tape is a good way to lose actual skin. Every time you take it off, it strips off layers of your skin. Prolonged use actually causes wounds that can, in extreme cases, leave permanent scars. Don't use it.
Use a binder incorrectly by:
Wearing it for more than 8 hours.
Sleeping in it.
Wearing it during sex.
Wearing it to exercise in.
Wearing a binder that is too small.
Binding every day.
Getting your binder wet while it's on you/wearing you binder while it's wet.
Doing these things can result in serious hard to yourself, including being crushed, bruised and potentially having permanent harm done to your body.
Here's what you should do instead of all of that!
Wear a binder for less than 8 hours. 8 hours is the maximum.
Wear a high impact sports bra instead of your binder sometimes.
Only wear your binder a maximum of three days a week.
If you have any questions, let me know. I'll edit this with each one.
Everything was dark.
They could taste the betrayal on their lips as they felt everything go cold. Quite a difference from the heat they were used to. Sure, they wanted nothing more than to leave this inferno, but not like this. Not like this. Sentenced to a life of being something like a human for a crime they did not commit. A betrayal their betrayer committed before pinning the blame on them. They remembered him distinctly. Not that anyone would believe them, it was their word against his. Their essence was stripped from their body and shoved into the body of a human who would no doubt grow up confused. Their souls - essences - would mingle and mix, becoming a new person entirely. This wasn't simply a temporary exile from the inferno, it was a permanent exile from who they once were. The creation of a new being from the deaths of two.
Everything was dark.
Nothing ever felt right. They were always strange, they always felt strange, they always had strange interests. The human children never cared much for them and they never really fit in with humanity. Small, but far from fragile. Kind, but with "unkind" interests. Colourful, but with such a dark mind. They never fit in, but they never wanted to anyway. What was the fun in fitting in when you were created to stand out? And yet, loneliness closed in. Occasionally, there were people, but they all always left. They light they let in always diminished. They got used to it. They thrived in it. They loved it. If the only way to get friends was to fit in, then why bother with friends?
Everything was dark.
And others felt this way too. They found some of these people and befriended them. Truly befriended them.
And everything was not dark anymore.
I have no details about them yet other than they are girlfriends, the top one is a goth witch and the bottom one is a fairy (I wish the Picrew had wings).
The fairy sometimes makes flower crowns for the witch. Even though she does not usually wear that sort of thing, she wears them anyway.
Yes, that's the name of the game, and the main character.
I already have some art done, but it's demo art. The actual in-game facesets and sprites will be handled by Neon Black's Character Customization script, which I have a fairly decent handle on, but I'm not going to be doing anything with that until after I get far along in game development. I figured out a way to make the female character sprite for Looseleaf have a flat chest, and I am also using MV's angled faces. Oh, and I'm also using MV's hair for the sprites. I have to shrink the hair and move it around, but it works.
"Why is her name Ramsey? Jon Benet Ramsey??"
Ramsey is partially based on a short story I read long ago, about a grifter by the same name, who is feminine, a runaway, and a victim of rampant child abuse. If I were to go much further into detail, someone like @Rikifive would likely tell me to edit this, so I won't. I forget who wrote it, but I got the distinct feeling that the author had some relatable feelings.
One of the main differences is that the short story was told from the eyes of a grifter back in the 1800's, whilst Ramsey, my game, is set in a non-linear timeline, akin to games like The Elder Scrolls that have no relation to the timelines of Earth as told by government.
Ramsey is like myself, an Anarchist, which also contrasts (in part) the short story character, though if only because she never talks about it, but every chance she got, she'd urinate on the back walls of any religious establishment, and I intend to have Ramsey act similarly (off-camera of course since I'm not that skilled at pixel art lolz), since both iterations of Ramsey are only interested in religion as far as watching it all burn.
Another difference between the short story character and my iteration, is that Ramsey the grifter was a massive alcoholic, whereas my iteration hates alcohol (ties into parental abuse), and would rather get stoned off of some 'dank weeeed'. Actually, both iterations of Ramsey tie their usage of drugs into parental abuse, but Ramsey the grifter was made to like alcohol from a young age, whereas my iteration refused and often got abused as a result.
Something both iterations do share in common is their love of stealing, though my iteration of Ramsey prefers stealing from the undeserving rather than from just anyone, and also hates seeing thieves take from those that are struggling, even offering to help get their stolen belongings back.
I won't spoil the story much more, but I will say that the biggest contrast between the two is that Ramsey the grifter ran away because she killed her last remaining parent, and even left her hometown, whereas my iteration of Ramsey went through two near-death experiences at her last remaining parent's hands, and decided she'd had enough. She made sure that her idiot of a parent couldn't follow her by injuring them, and took off with what she could, though unlike Ramsey the grifter, she made a promise to go back and face her parent once she knew how to do so without resorting to violence. If only she knew just how bad it would be.
I'll also be detailing out how my iteration of Ramsey came to be who she is, rather than having the player figure it out with tidbits of info like how the author of Ramsey the Grifter had done. Since the first part of the game is story driven and far less about combat, it'll be easier to tell the story that way.
Features:
Stats that are different from standard RPGs
Equipment that changes character appearance (in part)
NSFW - Maturity Level 4/7 (sexual references, written depictions of various acts, kinks, psychological f*ckery, debaucherous acts, anti-government/anti-religious acts, uncensored language, references to LGBT+ issues/lifestyles, references to 'pop culture' and to other games and mediums, graphic game over screens)
Multicurrency system, Merchant system, Crafting system, Relationship system
Sorcery and Technician skill sets
Death/GameOver only in some situations; loss in most combat situations only results in currency loss if that
Outsiders is a story about friends discovering the dark secret of a local town. It begins with a strange antenna appearing outside the window of a flat and escalates quickly into what the group presumes might be paranormal. Of course, not everyone in the group is exactly human...
I do have official art of the main cast on the way, but until then, please enjoy my Picrew versions of them.
NAME: "Kaz" Newman
JOB: Makes sandwiches at a sandwich shop
PLACE OF ORIGIN: America
GENDER: Nonbinary
PRONOUNS: They/them
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: Autistic
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Black, red
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Fox
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Rock
FAVOURITE PLACE: Home
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Writing
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: Become a world famous author
NAME: Edwin "Eddie" Langley
JOB: Cashier at a convenience store
PLACE OF ORIGIN: London
GENDER: Male
PRONOUNS: He/him
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: He's got some confidence issues, not gonna lie
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Green
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Cat
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Rock
FAVOURITE PLACE: Park
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Drawing
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: Become a successful commission artist
NAME: Timothy "Tim" Vasquez
JOB: Waiter at a pizza place
PLACE OF ORIGIN: America
GENDER: Male
PRONOUNS: He/him
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: He's fine
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Blue, black
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Cat
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Punk rock
FAVOURITE PLACE: Anywhere his friends are (but he won't admit that)
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Video games
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: Live a comfortable life surrounded by friends
NAME: Gavin "Gav" Quincey
JOB: Receptionist at the hospital
PLACE OF ORIGIN: America
GENDER: Male
PRONOUNS: He/him
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: PTSD
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Pink, purple
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Dog
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Pop
FAVOURITE PLACE: Home
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Posing for photos, watching movies
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: Become a model
NAME: Espen "Espy" Solberg
JOB: Tech support
PLACE OF ORIGIN: Norway
GENDER: Male
PRONOUNS: He/him
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: Autistic
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Red
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Cephalopod
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Metal
FAVOURITE PLACE: Home
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Anything involving electronics
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: To start his own tech company
NAME: Angel von Brandt
JOB: Librarian, former general of Hell
PLACE OF ORIGIN: America, Hell
GENDER: Female
PRONOUNS: She/her
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: She's fine
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Red, blue
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Snake
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Death metal
FAVOURITE PLACE: The library
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Reading
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: Become a general of Hell again, marry her girlfriend
NAME: Lisa "Honey" Byrne
JOB: Librarian
PLACE OF ORIGIN: Ireland
GENDER: Genderfae (similar to genderfluid, but never experiencing male or male-aligned genders)
PRONOUNS: She/her
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: She's fine
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Pink, green
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Deer
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Pop
FAVOURITE PLACE: The forest
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Dancing, reading, designing
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: Become a fashion designer
This is gonna sound like a cliché, but as soon as he left, the lights began to flicker. I, being tired, put it off as simply being the old wiring. I let my mind wander to thoughts of being in my bed, cuddled up with my cats. The warmth of the blankets became more and more desirable as the heat seemed to be sucked out of the building. I shivered, and pulled my hoody on. It was late, and I was cold. Did I mention I was tired? I’m sure I did. And then the lights flickered again. Except, they didn’t turn back on after the first few flickers. I could swear I heard whispering in one of the back rooms as they shut off. I blinked in the darkness, trying not to panic as I made my way to the back in the blackness, not daring to use my phone’s light, should I accidentally draw attention to myself from some unnamed robber. Or worse, a murderer.
It was at that moment that the lights to the food stations suddenly came on. I jumped, startled, backing into a shelf and knocking it over. I heard with dismay as each shelf in the store toppled over like dominoes. Then, I heard the whispering again. Only, it wasn’t coming from the back rooms this time. It was behind the counter. I spun around, only for the speakers that normally played nice instrumental shopping music begin blasting out Norwegian death metal at their highest volume, the sound so loud you could hear the speakers straining to play it as who I assumed was the lead singer screamed out death in that nearly demonic tone you heard so often in this genre. I covered my ears against the noise, a headache budding in my already tired brain.
Last blog was some time ago...heh.
No one is really around anyway, and no one really reads these so it doesn't really matter.
"Clipped Wings? What ya mean by this?"
I have this growing feeling that I'm permanently imprisoned in this mortal flesh, for reasons I'll likely never know, but whomever did this to me, they do not deserve my forgiveness, regardless of intent, because I have suffered without due cause. Such is not acceptable, I was raised better than that. None of it means anything now, because I'm more and more sure that this parallel of existence has excluded all signs of the Divine Twenty-Four, and whomever designed this parallel, is likely also responsible in part or in full, for my imprisonment, and there's a good chance that I wasn't the only one. I want to scream. I want to fight this asshole. I want this piece of immoral trash who did to me to suffer as I have, to know the pain I have taken on, and for one reason, one reason alone. To end false karma. No more false karma. Goodbye to you, Church and State, to hate-filled immoral mortals, may the Void claim all of it and obliterate it in one fell swoop. If it claims me in the process, then so be it. I'll take this whole parallel with me. Better off in full erasure than to allow immorality to continue unabated.
I know I did nothing to deserve my imprisonment, nothing that any morally enriched individual would ever say that me being imprisoned was deserved in any form.
I was not perfect, far from it, but my imprisonment in mortal flesh is a far worse punishment than I've ever seen given to any individual. It's fifty thousand fold worse than any form of exile.
my imprisonment is a malicious act. Simple as that. It has allowed me to only suffer and never experience joy. You know what? I look forward to whatever calamity is coming, Yellowstone, massive meteorite, megafault collapse, black hole dissemination, whatever. I'll even take gray goo, lolz
@Kayzee You do mean a lot to me. I wish you no ill will, far from it. I'd rather be pulled from this mortal flesh prison by your own aetherial willpower.
THE STRANGEST THING HAPPENED LAST NIGHT...
I have a window by my computer that I look out occasionally. I was working late last night, as you do, trying to get a few things done. At around 3 AM, I hear a strange noise outside it. Out of curiosity, I looked outside. There wasn’t anything out there, but the power flickered. I frantically tried to get my document back up, and as I got it back, I head the sound again. I looked out again. Still nothing. I went back to working. It was probably just some animal, after all. Those are common here, after all. A few minutes later, the noises got louder. A strange, scratching noise just outside the window. I sighed, and I looked out the window again. I saw a shadow quickly dart past the window the second I saw it. It was roughly the size of your average man, but it moved too fast for me to tell just what it was… At that point, or any point after. I couldn’t shake an uneasy feeling as I got back to my document, but I tried my best to ignore it. It was late, and I just wanted to finish this so I could go to bed and rest easy, knowing my work was done. A few minutes later, the noise came back at another window. I ignored it, and the noise kept going. The longer I left it, the louder it got until I had no choice but to go see what was making it. I saw the shadow dart past again. Soon, it was just outside the front of my house.
Before I continue, I should mention that I live in a town with surrounding wooded areas. Most of the people here are hunters. Deer, birds, rabbits, fish, you name it. Birds, rabbits and even deer come into town all the time. I’ve seen and heard them. I’ve heard people complain about the deer and the rabbits eating their gardens.
I looked out the window and saw what looked vaguely like a human figure, and what looked like what might be a deer, standing side by side. As my eyes adjusted and the two figures got closer to my window, I realized that those weren’t a deer and a human. His fingers were too long, his eyes were too big, and black like endless wells that burrowed deep into my soul and tickled my worst fears. His too wide mouth was curved into a horrifying grin of sharp teeth, and as he came closer, touching the window, he licked it with his long, thin tongue that was way too long to be in any human mouth. The thing that definitely wasn’t a deer… Anymore… was staring at me with soulless red eyes. Fur had been ripped off of it in patches… And no deer’s legs bent like that.
I close my curtain and ran upstairs, grabbing my phone to call the police. I dialled, but nobody answered the phone. I didn’t hear the noises for the rest of the night, and I didn’t sleep at all.
Today, I went into town. The conversations weren’t about the weather. They weren’t about gardens or what had been eating them. They were about missing pets, missing cows, missing horses, cats, dogs… And strange noises in the middle of the night.
The above text from user Kayzee made me want to make this entry.
The He'Eleans actually don't have a concept of gender. Pronouns are given based on current social standing. Vanity, for instance, was a part of the He'Elean royalty, but for reasons I cannot explain because of spoilers, he was exiled from his planet and given the nov/novs pronouns. Another He'Elean you meet later in the game has different pronouns entirely (neb/nebs), due to being a relatively high member of the He'Elean royalty. The He'Eleans do not have any sort of gender sense, as they all have the same types of organs. They are a mammal species (in a sense, I went with some form of "spicy human" for the ease of digestion of the characters, as Vanity nebself is one of the main four characters in the game), so they gestate a child in the womb for some time and give birth. However, this is something all He'Eleans can do. All He'Eleans can also impregnate another. This is, however, not a focus of the game or story. Just an interesting fact. (I make sure I come up with every possible detail for a species when I make it, even if the detail is entirely useless. I am just strange that way.) Because of this, and because there are no distinguishing characteristics to create a binary/trinary/etc., pronouns are used for status.
The pronoun hierarchy is as follows:
High royalty - Neb/nebs
Low royalty - Lun/luns
Commoner - Sol/sols
Prisoner - Voi/vois
Exiled - Nov/novs
I am open to questions.
Stranded in Space is one of the games I'm making. I like to describe it as a story-based survival game. The goal of the game is to travel from planet to planet, ship to ship, station to station and survive in space with a minimal crew. Each location brings new surprises and adds to the story that keeps the crew going through the galaxy in hopes of finding someplace hospitable to live out the rest of their days.
The premise is that a deadly virus spread across a colony ship. The ship's android managed to save two members of the population from faulty cryostasis pods by repairing them before the people within froze to death. Years later, after the virus finally died off, they decide to awaken the two people. Soon after, the ship is boarded by a crew of space pirates who abandon their leader and take off. Together, the four must survive and find somewhere to live.
The game's main characters are as follows:
NAME: RAI5 (Robotic Artificial Intelligence #5)
POSITION: Technician
SPECIES: Android
PLACE OF ORIGIN: Jupiter
GENDER: Agender (Feminine)
PRONOUNS: They/them, she/her
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: Codependent, afraid of being alone
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Red
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Solar phoenix
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Ska
FAVOURITE PLACE: Their personal quarters
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Fixing things
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: To see the universe, to befriend what's left of the crew
NAME: Theodore "Teddy" Atkins
POSITION: Chef
SPECIES: Human
PLACE OF ORIGIN: Earth
GENDER: Male
PRONOUNS: He/him
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: Autistic
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Blue
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Cat
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Rock
FAVOURITE PLACE: Any kitchen
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Cooking
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: To learn every recipe in the galaxy
NAME: Henrietta "Henri" Newman
POSITION: Botanist
SPECIES: Human
PLACE OF ORIGIN: Earth
GENDER: Female
PRONOUNS: She/her
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: Anxiety
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Purple
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: Mouse
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Electronica
FAVOURITE PLACE: Gardens
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Reading
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: To have a nice house with a garden and a gazebo
NAME: Vanity of He'El, House of Lero
POSITION: Flight Officer, Space Pirate
SPECIES: He'Elean
PLACE OF ORIGIN: He'El
GENDER: None, as
PRONOUNS: Nov/novs
MENTAL HEALTH STATUS: Codependent
FAVOURITE COLOUR: Pink
FAVOURITE ANIMAL: He'Elean faedeer
FAVOURITE MUSIC GENRE: Rock
FAVOURITE PLACE: Anywhere nova friends are
FAVOURITE ACTIVITY: Dancing
BIGGEST ASPIRATIONS: To become a well-loved person
As I said in a status update, today I added a second actor who was intended for puzzles and special dungeons. I wanted to talk a bit more about my ideas behind them and how they will work, but didn't want to ramble on my status for 50 pages like I often end up doing so... Hey, I haven't made a blog post thing in a while, here is a good excuse to!
I have said before, but Dwimmerdelve is based a lot on the Mystery Dungeon series of Japanese roguelikes or other games in the same style. While I do plan to do my own little twists on the formula, I want to implement as many features from the series as I can. I think at this point most of the basic stuff has already been done, but I still have a ways to go. Anyway, a common feature of the series is to have a little puzzle/tutorial mode with hand designed puzzle maps, and special dungeons that the player basically need to complete from a fresh character (if the whole game isn't that way already). Both require the ability to "reset" the character. Now originally I had the game do this anyway after every death anyway except for any items the player kept in storage, which is the way Shiren the Wanderer handles things. But I decided that although all your carried items should still be lost and all the player's progress toward your next level, it was better to allow the player to keep their current level and skills and make level 1 challenge modes/dungeons for those who want a more classic hardcore experience.
So I needed to think about how best to let the player keep their progress mostly safe even if their character is reset. I found it the easiest (for now anyway) to just have a second actor who more or less is an identical copy of the first who's status can be discarded and reset at the start of a run. I did come up with a kind of neat idea for how that would work in lore actually. I decided to make puzzles and such take place in a special dream world under my control, hence why the player can't bring anything and the player's character reverts to their 'natural' state. It's not really their body, but a 'dream pawn'. As a bonus it also gave me a more direct way to play with the player! After all, I abducted them to play, but I mostly ended up standing around in my house in game not doing much. Not anymore! Now I can play in their dreams! Even added a little cutscene that shows me casting a sleepy spell on them, and they wake up in bed after.
That also gave me idea of calling the special level 1 dungeons "Nightmare Dungeons". I haven't made any yet, though I have a bunch of old bonus dungeon maps I made ages ago before I really started working on my game properly that might make some good ones. One of them was eventually changed into a normal dungeon, but some of them are a bit too weird to really fit in anywhere. Such as one being a sort of half lava cave half swamp and another being a sort of bathhouse with elevated walkways. Not sure if I should go with my original idea for them though. The way I designed them originally was they were all parts of one big dungeon, and one of the dungeon maps was a kind of 'hub' map with like 5 different exit teleporter places of different colors, each which would take you to a different map next floor, which would have an exit back to the hub. Each map had a completely different look and feel, but one thing they all shared was wrapping borders which could be disorienting unless you were looking at the minimap (wonder if I could make the minimap kinda scroll centered around the player and wrap around too, but eh, maybe later).
Anyway, still have lots to do before i quite have everything working the way I want it too, but the basic idea seems to work pretty well!
Yeah yeah, I know, I'm only slightly a little bit late to the party with this one. But in the wake of the imminent coming of Borderlands 3, I finally decided to get off my lazy ass and finish up this series once and for all. As you guys may or may not know, Borderlands 2 was my favorite "looter shooter" game with lots of ingenuity, care, and cleverly disguised memes that makes the experience worth it. But does the Pre-Sequel live up to one of the most iconic games of this generation? Let's take a look and find out below.
Story:
Contrary to popular belief, I actually enjoyed the story much more than Borderlands 2. As this is NOT going to be a spoiler-free playthrough, it is highly advised that you go ahead and skip this section. HERE IT IS IN BIG BRIGHT BOLD LETTERS TO GIVE YOU YOUR WARNING OTHERWISE DON'T BLAME ME FOR WHAT'S ABOUT TO HAPPEN.
The story follows...soon to be "Handsome" Jack before he became the head of the Hyperion corporation. But it is told through a sort of flashback sequence through the narrative of Athena's eyes, one of the characters that you get to play in the game. Contrary to Borderlands 2, in the Pre-Sequel, you can play as one of three of Jack's different henchman. The fourth is a sodding CL4P-TP unit, who actually comes with his own perk. More of that is explained later on in the gameplay section of the game. The story starts with Jack and the 4 characters aboard the Space Station "Helios", which is the large artifact that orbits around Pandora's surface. The story gets right into it, straight away, with a faction called The Lost Legion attacking the Space Station and trying to overthrow Hyperion in a coup fashion. The mastermind behind all this is Colonel Zarpedon (yes, that is her actual fucking name), who orchestrated the coup. Jack is forced to stay behind on Helios ultimately while the four henchman, Nisha, Wilhelm, Athena, and.....dipshit....are sealed into an escape pod aboard the Helios, and are sent crashing down into Pandora's moon, named Elpis.
Since Zarpedon now has control of the Helios, the Eye in the Sky, she now uses the power of Helios to torment and terrify the people of Elpis and Pandora alike, sending multiple laser beams from the Eye of Helios to destroy multiple settlements on both planets under the guise of doing something good for the better of everyone else. One death to save millions of others. This actually becomes a plot point later on in the story.
Eventually, Jack comes up with the malicious plan of creating an entire robot army to overthrow Zarpedon and take back the Helios Space Station. You befriend a robot AI named Felicity, which you later sacrifice to create the Constructor Bot AI. And even though she is glitched (in more ways than one) to hell and back, seeing Felicity be sacrificed really set something straight in my mind: Jack would really stop at nothing to make sure he has complete and dominant control over Elpis and Pandora alike. This is when you start to see the signs, and this is what really pulled me into liking the story, as it specifically tells as to how Handsome Jack, the, in my opinion most well crafted villain that I've met in a first person game, became the way he is.
Jack, after taking down Colonel Zarpedon, leads you down to the Eye of Helios aboard the Space Station, where it is said that he used the Eye of the previous Vault Guardian (the one you fight in Borderlands 1) to power the entirety of the beam array, which is what was giving it all that power and destruction. He then hints that he is going to find another Vault, and enlists the aid of two additional vault hunters who we are very familiar with: Roland and Lilith. Under the service of Mad Moxxi, Roland, Lilith, and Moxxi all betray Jack by siphoning the power of the Eye of Helios, and destroy it outright.
This is when Jack snaps.
He then gets the idea to open a grand Eridian Vault, that was mined up on the surface of Elpis (which is the coolest dungeon in the game). Eventually, you fight through massive hordes of Eridian defenders, much like in the first game, to go and defeat the Sentinel that occupies the Eridian vault.
Now under the pretense that he wants to wipe out the Vault Hunters once and for all, he uses the power of the Eridian Sentinel to dig deep into Pandora's surface, and unlock a much more menacing beast: The Warrior. Who just so happens to be the final boss of Borderlands 2. After his debut, however, Lilith comes through the Eridian portal (shown above) and brands Jack with the Vault symbol, by giving him a good ol' fashioned bitchslap. This demoralizes him and forces Jack to play his final card. At this point in the story, Jack has gone completely insane, going down a path of destruction and torment.
The best part of the story is Jack himself. Which I know is an odd thing to say, but it really is the best part of this entire game, as it ties up a lot of things about Borderlands 2 and what made him so menacing. Now it all starts to make sense. Because when I first loaded up Borderlands 2 after playing Borderlands 1 I was like "Who is this fuck"? And now it makes sense.
However, there were some inconsistencies in the story primarily, and I'm just going to throw them out here for people to ponder over. Where the fuck is Angel? It was mentioned that Jack had a daughter, but between the events of Borderlands 1 and Borderlands 2, we are given no indication that Angel was Jack's daughter right until the end of Borderlands 2. I know I'm spoiling Borderlands 2 here but it kind of ties in with the big complaint that I have with this game's story: There is no mention of Angel anywhere. And given the fact that he was so desperate on unlocking the power of The Warrior in Borderlands 2, and used Angel to power the Eridian Key to unlock the Vault, I honestly felt like Angel's inclusion in this story was a missed opportunity. It would have showed the audience just how maniacal and depraved Handsome Jack became to be, and it would have hit home to see him go down that path.
After the final scene, Athena leaves the madman behind, claiming that he wasn't the hero he once was. Rightfully so, considering the above caption. This is when Jack returns to the Space Station Helios, and takes his claim as the leader of the Hyperion corporation, with Jack becoming "the new face of Hyperion". Which sets in motion the events that happen in Borderlands 2.
It all ties in together really well, even though there were some missed opportunities to show off Jack's conniving attitude, maliciousness, and just in general douchebaggery.
Overall: 7.5/10.
Gameplay:
Alright. So, we all know that Borderlands 2 paved the way to becoming a vast, rich-quality looter shooter with horde-style combat and makes the experience much more fantastic. The Pre-Sequel does not live this down, and in fact, introduces a whole new array of weapon combination and strategies.
In the Pre-Sequel, the all too familiar Slag element is replaced with Cryo, which is a welcome edition as Slag weapons upset the balance of Borderlands 2 in my opinion. It was impossible to play through True Vault Hunter mode without the use of a Slag weapon. Here, since Slag was taken out of the game and replaced with an entirely new element all together, it made the game balance that much more fun to play. Plus, you didn't have to center your build around using Slag weaponry or making the most use out of your Slag weapons by speccing straight into Weapon Swap Speed. Yes, looking at you Axton.
Weapons are still fun and amazing, and there are lots and lots of different weapons for you to play around with and customize. In fact, there are multiple different styles of weapons that you can choose from, with each manufacturer of weapons having a different perk. For those that don't know, there is Jakobs, Vladof, Maliwan, Tediore, Hyperion, Dahl, and Torgue. Jakobs weapons are old fashioned: high recoil but insane damage, and are actually one of my greatest guilty pleasures as a Nisha player. Vladof weapons are ALL rapid fire, full auto bullet hoses. Maliwan makes only purely elemental weaponry. Tediore weapons are the most annoying and honestly the worst archetype of weapons in my opinion. When you run out of ammo in a Tediore weapon, you throw the weapon like a grenade shortly thereafter, which causes damage to the enemy. This gimmick is honestly horrible and deals very little damage for what you actually put into the weapon. Of course, because of this, they have the highest reload speeds, but the weapons themselves still suck and don't do nearly enough damage to be worth using. Hyperion weapons come with stabilizers built in, meaning that the more you fire, the more accurate they become. Aside from Sniper Rifles, which suck, the stabilizers actually make Hyperion the most damaging and most pristine weapon choice for people who like spraying, but not praying. Hyperion SMGs and Shotguns are honestly overpowered just because of the sheer accuracy they can accrue. Dahl weapons have burst fire when zoomed in, which keeps recoil low but damage output high. Unfortunately, the problem with Dahl weapons, like Tediore weapons, is that their base damage is subpar, and you won't know the contents of how many bullets you'll be firing until you zoom in and fire. Ever had a Sniper Rifle shoot 7 bullets at once in burst fire? It's kind of stupid, and not in a good way. Finally, Torgue weapons are the second most awful weapons. They only make Explosive weaponry, but the problem with Torgue weapons is simply they aren't hitscan, like most of the weapons in the game. They fire slowly, are clunky to handle, and are just downright awful. But they have some of the greatest weapon names in existence.
Aside from gunplay, there are four different characters that you can play as: Athena, Wilhelm, Nisha, and CL4P-TP. Athena is built around using her melee weapon, which isn't very fun in a game filled with guns. Wilhelm has a drone that can either protect and heal you, or dish out damage to enemies. Nisha is a Lawbringer, a caricature of old sheriffs back in the day, and she was honestly the most fun to play as. Her ultimate ability is basically Soldier 76's aimbot, which makes her that much more stupid. Finally, CL4P-TP has some random abilities tied into his ultimate, but his perk is that he does not need an oxygen mask when traveling on the surface of the moon.
Which, while I'm here talking about it, is a good point to bring up. Since you are on the surface of the moon in this game, you need an oxygen mask if you want to survive for any length of time. A lot of people, and I mean A LOT of people, were turned off by this fact, calling O2 management "a chore, unfun and incredibly stupid". Honestly, it's not all that bad, as O2 is plentiful EVERYWHERE. There were some sections where you get into a large fight and you didn't have enough time to run to an oxygen vent, which made me annoyed only slightly, but I never outright died as a result from not being able to breathe.
There's a new archetype of weapon that wasn't available in Borderlands 2, and that's lasergun/railguns. These were a welcome addition to the game and I like them a lot, but I feel there were too many of them that littered the loot pool in lieu of other weapons. In the example above, there are 3 different lasergun/railgun weapons, 3 different rocket launchers (which I never use because they're awful), 1 shotgun, and 1 peeeeestol. It was pretty much like that with all of the other weapon vending machines in the game. It becomes excruciatingly annoying during the ending of the game where you are fighting the Lost Legion, and ALL they drop is laserguns/railguns. And they're white trash weapons.
The difficulty was...a little bit ramped up this time around. On Borderlands 2 it was a little bit more tame, but this time, the difficulty was a little bit more unforgiving in some sections, and there were just moments of pure bullshit and fuckery that made me lose interest in the game for a little bit at a time. But the game was better balanced as a result. Remember when I talked about Slag weapons before and how it made the game near impossible to play without one? Now that that was taken out of the game, it made enemies much easier to kill and you didn't spend 30 minutes trying to fight a single trash mob. It's much more balanced in the player's favor this time around.
The single greatest change from Borderlands 2, however? There are more weapon machines around and they are plenty more accessible. ALSO THE LEVEL OF THE WEAPONS SCALES WITH YOU. So for example, if you were Level 25, the weapon vending machines will sell you Level 24-25 weapons where if you were earlier in the game at Level 11, the vending machine will sell Level 10-11 weapons. This is a great addition and I hope it is added to Borderlands 3. The single thing that pissed me off the most about Borderlands 2 was that weapons didn't scale with you, and I'm glad that was remedied.
All in all, it's still the same Borderlands experience with a few new gimmicks.
Overall: 8.5/10.
Quality:
Mostly the same as it was from Borderlands 2. The atmosphere of the moon's surface was amazing, even though my ears started hurting at the sounds of all my enemies dying as I mowed them down with Showdown. The soundtrack was barely there, which is sad. I would have loved to hear more of the game's soundtrack other than just the final Eridian palace. The controls were fine, used KB+M to play the game. Everything felt as perfect as it should have been. Graphics are amazing and they recently added a new package that upscales everything to 4k. So if you are a graphics geek, unlike myself, then that would definitely be something that would interest you.
This was kind of a short section as the game's quality is honestly an 8, but Randy Bitchford's quality is a 1. So it balances out.
Overall: 8/10.
Replayability:
Just like in Borderlands 2, there is True Vault Hunter mode. This is essentially an even more ramped up version of the game with stronger enemies but better loot. This gives you an extra incentive to play through the game again just to see all the ridiculous loot you can get your grubby little hands on. You can also make a new character at any time and play through the game using that character, so if you are getting bored of playing as Nisha, you can swap to an Athena build, Wilhelm build, or CL4P-TP build. Nothing has really changed in regards to the replayability factor from Borderlands 2: No one playthrough is ever going to be the same. And if it is, you've got some serious black magic tricks I want to get my hands on.
Overall: 7.5/10.
Now, it's time for the final wrap-up. In this section, I'll detail if this game is truly one for you, and if you should decide to play it or not.
Would I recommend this game?:
I think there's no question here that the Pre-Sequel lives just as much to the expectations as Borderlands 2 did. It's still as good of a game as Borderlands 2 was, but made everything a bit more accessible and perfect. For the asking price of $40, I would say its well worth it.
Overall: 7.8/10. Great!
Listen to me...
You are all travelers, stars that wander freely across time and space.
And you have all assembled at this point in time, at this point in space.
Together you will all be victorious.
Together you will all shape destiny.
54 stars have been created and I have been working on the exact teams for the battle sequences.
Player's Battalion
WIP, WIP, Matulu
'Green Nation' Battalion
Tarik, Rebekah, Gavin
'Green Nation' Reservists
Grace, Lupa, Lupo
Rebel Leadership
Helen, Ivan, Doc Neilson
Lancaster Family
Diana, Dawn, Hope
Elvish Battalion
Thessius, Larissa, Lindell
Barakat Family
Sivante, Sivana, Sivash
'Yellow' Nation' Battalion
Wendel, Cloe, Horace
'Cyan Nation' Battalion
Vera, Victoria, Mason
Kobold Battalion
Tajiro, Tijaro, Tajeet
Goblin Battalion
Gakumba, Garuta, Goruga
Reinhardt's Battalion
Reinhardt, Flint, Skylar
The Lost Elves
Navara, Vallio, Vennonia
The Machinists
Annette, Perry, Edith
Master Spellcasters
Shani, Zufar, Gladis
Martial Artists
Lee Fang, Yvonne, Rae'Oku
Thief/Rogue/Con Team
Jon, Leetus, Jacques
Misc Stars
Niki
Tia
Lilly
Edward Omadika
Non-Playable, Non-Star Characters
Edgar Omadika, Edna Omakida, Lucretius Omadika
Agamedes is a WIP concept.
