So, for those who don't know this already, I've had dreams of doing what I see as a "correction" of myself. As stated in my introduction post when I first came here, I want to become a girl. This seems a bit over the top, but I mean it. I see myself perfectly as a female rather than a male. I don't want to seem like, "Oh, this guy's posing as a girl for attention!" or some bull like that. I've even dressed up several times and I was very comfortable with how I looked, felt, etc. Me wanting to be a girl goes a long way from the past, for it was a young choice. This is who I truly see myself as a person.
Throughout the years, I was always afraid of being called out as an outcast. One of my best friends was gay. People bullied him so harshly. I felt so bad for him because every night, he would come over and cry in my arms telling me how horrible they've treated him. He felt abandoned by society. I felt like that would be me as well if anyone found out I preferred being a girl rather than accepting who I was. Don't get me wrong. I love myself. The thing is though, I want to love myself even more. I felt that if I unlocked who I was in the inside and let it envelop me, I'll truly be, well, me.
Now, people look at me as if I'm joking around and poking fun at LGBT people. News flash: This is who I am. I'm not joking around. I'm not poking fun at wonderful people that practically share the same mentality with me. Some people praised me for being a strong soul and carrying out my wishes and some never spoke to me to this very day. Some even decided to beat me in the bathroom one day a school from what I can remember. I spoke in blood-soaked words: "This is me". You could criticize me, shut me out,or even assault me, but you'll never break my undying spirit. Because in the end, you'll be messing with the wrong scene girl, mate. I assure you that much.
If you have any questions or comments, just throw them at me. I'll be happy to answer to them. Once again, like always, Thanks for reading. I love you, guys! <3
Oh-huh-hooo yes. One of the 9,000+ things I abhor. Online dating is like a long distance relationship. Wait. Online dating IS a form of long distance relationships. Why do I hate it so much, you ask? Well, pull up a seat and grab a thing of popcorn because this is one hell of a story.
It all started about a year ago. There was this girl (I won't name names) I was dating. At first, it was a nice close relationship until she moved somewhere else. I, being the loving whelp, always asked if she was okay, if she needed anything, etc. All I get are plain answers. Few months later, next thing I know, she goes off dating two other people at once! Ain't that a kick in the head. Hurts, right? Surely enough, one of them found out and dumped her on the spot while the other guy held on. After a few more months, some stuff happened, I can't remember what, and he dumped her as well. After that, she comes crawling back to me, I decline, and she tells me to tell the other guy that she still "loves" him. Pfft. Jesus Cristo, what a persistence, I'll say. Jeez.
Anyhow, moral of the story: Always think what might be happening behind the screen. This goes for anyone currently dating someone online or something like that. I also feel bad for those affected by the realization that they've been violated and misused after everything they've done for that person. People don't seem to realize how disoriented and emotionally-damaged others who fell victim to this realization were and still are affected. This world is tainted with materialistic scum. If you don't get them what they want, they'll strike at you ever so silently. This is downright horrible to the core. These people have HEARTS. And the scum chose to shatter them. When I found out I was betrayed, I turned into a lonesome beast. A hikikomori, if you will. I never wanted to feel alive. I didn't eat properly, I flucked in school, my productions sucked. I went from happy, optimistic, and upbeat to rancid, antisocial, and suicidal in a spit second. Luckily, I refused to greet the noose because there was a small amount of joy. Of hope. A shining light gleaming through my heart. I became me again, only different. I when from Richard, the antisocial and possibly sadistic author, to the lovable Dia, the optimistic, crazy-fun scene girl who is obsessed with art, music, games, and food. I just want to spread amessage. What's really going on behind that computer? And of course, I don't wish to discourage anyone currently in a long distance relationship. Thanks for reading. Love you guys! ^3^