Here is a thing I wrote randomly trying to sort out my feeeelings:

Allow me first to set up the context. Context for what I am not sure. Maybe my whole life. Right now it is nearly 3:00 am on October 8^th, 2014, and will no doubt be much later by the time anyone reads this. If anyone reads this. If I even put it in a place where anyone would possibly see it. But I feel like typing it anyway. No doubt anyone reading this in the distant future, if anyone even can besides myself, may well be able to understand, in retrospect, the strange period of history I find myself in. I am betting the next few decades will be a period of great change for humanity. I have heard predictions that The Singularity will come as soon as 2045, though I am personally not quite convinced, even if I am rather hopeful something interesting will happen by then at least. I have heard not to long ago that robots capable of doing most of humanity's work may come about even earlier, and nanotechnology may be right around the corner, provided the drug corporations don't put a stop to it.

Personally though? I think corporations are starting to decline. Large corporation just can't sustain themselves much longer with the bloated budgets and short-sighted money grubbing management. Smaller, more flexible companies I think will thrive and, while a few big corporation will survive, they will not be as powerful in general as they once were. Cloud funding, while sometimes being scams to be sure, will come to be the easiest way to get anything done. I honestly think it's likely for computers to reach the upper limit to how far they can be pushed fairly soon, and nanotechnology will probably be the next big “revolutionâ€. How far nanotechnology is able to go I couldn't say, but hopefully far enough that humans are able to become practically immortal and immune to most disease. Then of course, growing populations will probably push us into space, and after that all we basically have to do technology-wise is mega-structures.

I think AI is probably possible, but I am not sure it will ever exceed the capabilities of humans except in specialized areas. Achieving a kind of meta-consciousness with an AI that can create sentient sub-programs may be possible, as is the ability for humans to partially or fully automate our brains to do the same thing may be possible... in a way we already do this, creating programs and tools to do things for us, and dividing our attention to multiple things at once. It seams reasonable that with the right tech we could simply create copy minds that processed stuff for us and reported back, but we still have yet to make much progress on AI in general.

So basically right now there is all this “cool stuff†that may happen within the next few decades, and I am sort of wasting away, just waiting for it, without a job, or much money, or anything I have really done in my life that is really worth much to most people. I kinda want to just get out of this body and into a new one already, to at least get some of my problems fixed. But all I have is a possible future that is still some time away. And I sort of just find myself completely unable to really love in the here and now. My mind is always somewhere else, either hoping for the future, or lost in a world of imagination. It's not that I hate the life and times I live in, I just can't really get myself to spend much time there. And now it is almost 4:00 am... sleepy...

...

It is now the October 26^th, about 3 and a half weeks since I wrote the above, and it's bound to be a lot longer since anyone reads any of this, if anyone ever does. The above is only half of what I originally intended to write. I wrote of the future and now I must write of the past. Nostalgia is a powerful thing, and I think there are many alive today that are bound to it or blinded by it, and I am not sure I am an exception. It could be the now is always going to be a place where people feel unconformable, and they always look to the future or back to their past. But, I am not sure that is actually what is going on here. I am not sure how notable it will be in the due passing of time, but things are happening and have been happening for the past few years, perhaps since the beginning of the millennium, that seem to be threatening a lot of things I hold dear. Of course a lot of good things are happening too, and even a lot of the bad things may end up being good in the long run.

Avoiding the whole “war on terror†thing, which recently seems like there is a chance it may flare up again, I mostly am concerned about the state of various forms of media. Perhaps that you could accuse me of being childish, and perhaps I am, but it seams to me like media is the very framework we use to conceptualize our ideas, to share our thoughts and out feelings, and to experiment with new ways of looking at things. And to be quite honest, I find myself uninterested and unimpressed with most of it, finding most of my time is taken up with watching random youtube videos of other people playing games or people reviewing things, and sometimes read fanfiction or online comics. Not that there isn't value in that mind you, but it does make me wonder why professionally done books, television, and film, as well as playing the games myself, can't really compete with that. I think I have come out of it a bit more lately though.

Fact is, I think maybe the entertainment industry in general, and especially the game industry in particular, are heading right for a crash. And the sad truth is... maybe it should. Game publishers crank out squeal after squeal, spending billions of dollars for games of inferior quality, or flooding the market with shovel-ware, and movies and so on aren’t that better. And yes there are real gems in there, and I won't deny that or try to say all new games, movies, television, books, and such are crap. Because they are not. But there is too much big business and cooperate greed squeezing every penny out of them, and trying to control everything about them.

There is, of course, a lot of promise in crowd-funded projects and things like Steam and Netflix and Ebooks to let people self publish faster and easier then ever, and that is fantastic, but we still live in an industry mostly run by money and big corporations that muddle and control everything. And really this has been the way it has always been, but it sure seems worse now. Maybe because people are just complaining more and refusing to accept it. Maybe because the corporations are getting more and more frantic to make a quick buck as the walls crumble around them due to their own mismanagement.

But really it's bigger then that. When I look back at all the things that were once dear to me, so many of them have gone away. Granted, a lot of them were pointless to hold on to in the first place, but still. My parents moved from my childhood home a few years ago, and mentally, I am not sure I am over that. I still have dreams of going back there sometimes. Even before that so many things from my child hood are gone... old toys my parents got rid of, old files locked on a decaying broken hard drive from who knows how many years ago, that sort of thing. I even remember when I was a kid making some very silly books about my adventures with my stuffed animals... but I don't know what happened to them. All gone now I suppose. I had a bunch of cassette tapes I used to keep in my nightstand, some I recorded myself... I think they are all gone now. I kinda wish, I had more backups, more data, transferred more things to digital formats and such, but it really is all kinda silly, but still.

And even going further back, before even my own birth, oh how much history I have missed! Those strange days in the 60s and 70s where so much happened and so much changed, the whole history of the two world wars and their bloody aftermath, as awful as they were. How much the while world has missed!.Before little more then a hundred years in the past not one person living was even alive! Those times and those people will never be again.

But of course I can't change the past, or even view it as more the someones reconstruction. But to be honest I don't really want to. What I want, I guess, is even if this time period right now isn't to great, I want to live through it... I want to see the future and know I have seen this past. And I don't really want to every stop living, not even after the stars go out and the universe grows cold. I want to find a way to open a rift and move somewhere new then... and even if I can't... I am not sure... but I think just living alone in a dead universe would be enough if I can remember even a fraction of all that, if my imagination still works, if my mind still operates I could create my own worlds in my head. Maybe it's already happened... but... well... we will see what happens won't we?