Hello and welcome to Spooky's Animal Kingdom, where I talk about animals! Animals are beautiful, stupid monsters that live outside your house. Sometimes, you'll see them on your front lawn. Unlike humans, they don't need iPhones or socialized infrastructure! How cool is that!

 

Today's subject is the Abystoma mexicanum, better known as the axolotl. That's pronounced exactly how it looks, according to this guy who sounds

. According to the comments, though, he's also super wrong. Regardless of how it's pronounced, the name translates to 'water monster', so it's probably something stupid and disgusti--

 

 

D'aww! What fresh hell is this adorable thing from?

 

The fresh hell this adorable thing is from is Lake Xochimilco, a former lake, now series of canals located in Mexico City, Mexico. Locals claim that these canals are home to soul-eating mermaids and at least one massive demon fish. It's also the home of an artificial island called the Island of the Dolls, which is... um...

 

... yyyyyyyyyyyyoooooooooooooooooo...

 

So yeah! Living in a crazy place like this, you gotta be hardcore! Fortunately for our friends, the axolotls, hard is the only core they know. A fully mature axolotl grows to be a whopping average length of twenty-three centimeters! That's about nine inches, for Americans who don't like the metric system. They prey on weaklings like worms and baby fish to show the world who's boss. That's how they got to be so tough in the first place.

 

I'm being facetious, of course. Axolotls know what it's like to struggle. They're a naturally paedomorphic species, which means that they retain traits of their youth, even into adulthood. Kind of like frogs staying tadpoles forever, y'see. That's why they have such short and stubby legs, and why they also keep their vestigial teeth. They have to eat by breathing so hard that they create a vacuum, and swallowing whatever they get in their mouth. This normally wouldn't be a problem with most other animals, but our friends were pretty much cheated in the thyroid stimulating hormone department, so metamorphosis never really happens. These poor guys never even reach puberty! Weird.

 

Unfortunately, these little guys are considered to be critically endangered by the International Union for Conservation of Nature. Urbanization and idiot tourists continue to pollute the waters of the Xochimilco, which has led to these poor things being almost completely wiped out, and non-native fish have all but kicked them out of their natural habitat. It's tough going for the axolotls.

 

However! Axolotls have that fighting spirit! They're going to survive, albeit by, er... unconventional means. You ready? Here's the strategy. Pay close attention, or you might miss it:

 

 

Do you see it? They're SO CUTE! Despite all the setbacks, despite all the hardships and hurdles in their way, despite being super low on Nature's Tier List, they have their cuteness. I mean, heck! Look at cats! Look at how popular they are! Axolotl isn't exactly a household name, but a lot of people would at least recognize the way they look. They've got a severely underdeveloped foot in the door already! So say a little prayer for these cuties before you go to bed, and hope for the best. They could use the encouragement.

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to read this barely coherent mess about neotenic salamanders. Next up is another kind of water monster. One that's supposed to be scary, but is actually pretty much useless. It'll be a doozy.

 

You're all wonderful.