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To Be a Girl...

Vox Dia

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So, for those who don't know this already, I've had dreams of doing what I see as a "correction" of myself. As stated in my introduction post when I first came here, I want to become a girl. This seems a bit over the top, but I mean it. I see myself perfectly as a female rather than a male. I don't want to seem like, "Oh, this guy's posing as a girl for attention!" or some bull like that. I've even dressed up several times and I was very comfortable with how I looked, felt, etc. Me wanting to be a girl goes a long way from the past, for it was a young choice. This is who I truly see myself as a person.

 

Throughout the years, I was always afraid of being called out as an outcast. One of my best friends was gay. People bullied him so harshly. I felt so bad for him because every night, he would come over and cry in my arms telling me how horrible they've treated him. He felt abandoned by society. I felt like that would be me as well if anyone found out I preferred being a girl rather than accepting who I was. Don't get me wrong. I love myself. The thing is though, I want to love myself even more. I felt that if I unlocked who I was in the inside and let it envelop me, I'll truly be, well, me.

 

Now, people look at me as if I'm joking around and poking fun at LGBT people. News flash: This is who I am. I'm not joking around. I'm not poking fun at wonderful people that practically share the same mentality with me. Some people praised me for being a strong soul and carrying out my wishes and some never spoke to me to this very day. Some even decided to beat me in the bathroom one day a school from what I can remember. I spoke in blood-soaked words: "This is me". You could criticize me, shut me out,or even assault me, but you'll never break my undying spirit. Because in the end, you'll be messing with the wrong scene girl, mate. I assure you that much.

 

If you have any questions or comments, just throw them at me. I'll be happy to answer to them. Once again, like always, Thanks for reading. I love you, guys! <3



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I think gender identity is growing into a big thing in our society and I'm really happy you're embracing and articulating social ambiguity. I've said once before that gender doesn't define who you are and that I would never choose a male friend over a female friend and vice versa, but seriously I'm really proud of you :) I'm really glad you found yourself! :) If being recognized as a girl is what you want then it's what I want too! 

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I think it takes a lot of courage to stand up and say who you really are, and how you really feel - especially when doing that not just makes you not just an outcast, but a target. While I can't exactly say I know what you're going through, I'm definitely cisgender scum, it is inspirational to hear you standing up for yourself, and declaring who you are. All the best will to you.

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I admire people who are strong and brave enough to be themselves.  And whoever you are in your heart, you can be that person here on the forum even if it's not possible or not safe in the real world yet.  As Apple said, society is changing in a good, more open-minded direction, so hang in there girl!

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Gender is just a divide and conquer tactic, to make you feel diffrent than someone else. The truth is we are well beyond a human being, we may be walking around in a meatsuit but its just a vehicle, there is vehicles with a penis and one with a vagina. Clothes dont have a specific gender, there are not some clothes that are only fit for girls or vice versa its all program to make you believe we are diffrent. to divide you and make you feel like shit  We are not, we can literally be whatever the F*** we want, whatever we feel comftorable in, we never signed an agreement that we would act and look a certain way, its totally your choice PERIOD. Be who you want to be, however that may feel and stand in that truth, show those around you, that you dont care, that you are happy being who you are and make that feeling spread through other souls just by being the honest person you are.  Much Love to you and your true self.

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Okay realtalk time. For once I am going to suspend the cute fairy persona, and talk as my fat 36 year old male human self (you would be surprised at how little they differ sometimes though).
 
I think that there will probably be a point in the future where the technology will be available for everyone to pretty easily reconfigure their body into what ever they want, and I hope that will cause people to look at gender a bit differently. I don't see any reason why choosing whatever kind of body you like is any different then choosing clothing or hairstyle. People may judge you for it sure, in both cases, but it seems silly to look at that as anything more then personal bias.
 
In the meantime? Well, it seems like gender reassignment is a complicated and irreversible surgery that people can't even do until they fit some arbitrary physiological profile, and it requires a lot of investment. I also think it is pretty incomplete, even with it you won't be quite the same as a natural born female. I won't say you shouldn't do it of course, but... well, I personally think of myself as a gender abolitionist, in that I believe binary gender identity causes more harm then good. I know how it feels of course. I always kinda hated by body. Well maybe my feelings are not so much hatred as disdainful apathy. My body is a meat sack that my mind happens to be carried in. I would like to make a new one, one I would like better.
 
But I am not my body. My "true self" is genderless. Gender just doesn't apply at that level. My whole life's experience up to now may be in a male body, but I don't really feel any desire to stay that way. As a matter of fact I want to experience life in a female body a lot. Why not? Seems a logical step for full self-actualization to me. But I will never be female either. I hate make up, and find a lot of "feminine" things off putting or holding no interests. I have to admit, my desire to be a female is also pretty sexual. But why wouldn't I want to be in a body form I found the most attractive? Still seems logical to me. Though in that case I probably would end up wanting to be fully hermaphroditic, but I would kinda want to at least live in a full female body for a while first.
 
I hate to admit, this makes me kinda skeptical when other people say they are "really" male or "really" female. I just don't think of gender identity as a primary feature of the "true self'. I guess I just strongly believe that existence precedes essence, that human "souls" lack real attributes and that we build an identity for ourselves, almost like creating a character in a tabletop game or MMORPG. Most people become very attached to their self-identity and zealously stand by it, but is that any different then a character you grow attached to? This is not to say you don't have every right to define yourself and who you want to be, it's just that most people simply decide who they are as children and never question or alter it.

 

So the question I have to ask is, are you sure you are happy with who you want to be? If so, go for it! You should have the right and the power to alter yourself in any way you wish, become whatever you want. Just make sure it's what you want first I guess. But then again, I think I have a very unusual mind and most people don't quite think like me, so I donno.

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@KilloZapit: I get what you mean by all this. I did kinda feel insecure about my current body and wanted to take on a more "attractive" form. But that aside, I felt very comfortable and more better about myself when I took on the form. I felt like this was who I am. So I tell, not just you, but to all reading this: I am very happy with who am am/who I want to be.

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