Not quite sure where you got that "rule" from. Sure, it might be more convenient not to get married or whatever during college, but I know people who got married at 21 - whatever works for the time.

I'm in university right now and I've been dating the same guy for 5 years. We love each other a lot and have a ton in common, and he's been incredibly supportive of me throughout several rough patches in my life. So no, I don't think people should have to wait until after college to be in a committed relationship. I understand if other people want to "play the field" while they're still young, but I don't think you should be forced to do that if things are really working out with someone.

That being said, I do think college isn't the greatest time to get married, if only because you have so many other things to worry about. It's probably best to save that for once you've found a job and achieved financial independence. That doesn't mean you can't stick with one person for a long time, though.

EDIT: In response to Chaosian - I actually had someone tell me that I should preemptively break up with my boyfriend before going to university so that I could experience relationships with other people. It does unfortunately seem to be a belief that some people hold.

You should have been dating by the age of 12.

Get out in the world and experience it.  Stop listening to what other people have to say.  Grab the bull by the horns and experience life/love/whatever.  Man up and learn to not give a shit about what others think about you (as long as you live morally and among the general fabric of society).

Luke

EDIT: In response to Chaosian - I actually had someone tell me that I should preemptively break up with my boyfriend before going to university so that I could experience relationships with other people. It does unfortunately seem to be a belief that some people hold.

"You should break off your successful relationship so you can learn how to have a successful relationship."

I hope you gave them a good slap across the face for such astounding pseudo-thought.

You should have been dating by the age of 12.

 

Get out in the world and experience it.  Stop listening to what other people have to say.  Grab the bull by the horns and experience life/love/whatever.  Man up and learn to not give a shit about what others think about you (as long as you live morally and among the general fabric of society).

 

Luke

Jesus christ Luke, most people haven't even started puberty at 12. With that kind of attitude, you can pretty easily end up getting into relationships for the sake of a social pressure - rather than wanting to get into any kind of meaningful relationship. What are you going to learn when you're in a relationship at 12? What not to do for the relationship at 13? I think if you treat relationships like a revolving door, that's what they'll become.

A little moderation might be in order.

 

 

EDIT: In response to Chaosian - I actually had someone tell me that I should preemptively break up with my boyfriend before going to university so that I could experience relationships with other people. It does unfortunately seem to be a belief that some people hold.

EXACTLY, my mom said the exact same thing. I thought it was completely crazy too. It's almost feel like they are telling you to make up a reason or start a fight so you can break up. "Why are you breaking up with me?" "Because you called me bae!" "I've always called you that and you didn't care." "It doesn't matter! I need to experience things."

You would think "Why experience something different if what you have is perfect?" By perfect, I mean that the relationship is fine and you still love each other.

You should have been dating by the age of 12.

 

Get out in the world and experience it.  Stop listening to what other people have to say.  Grab the bull by the horns and experience life/love/whatever.  Man up and learn to not give a shit about what others think about you (as long as you live morally and among the general fabric of society).

 

Luke

Actually, my friends and I were talking about sex when I was 12. I moved so I never got see them again

That's because you already learned about sex around 12, more or less. But dating by that point is just so "eh" - you can't really do anything outside of hanging out after school with your "significant other", and you'd have to walk everywhere, have no real money to do much on a date, etc. I think the "dating" experience is so lackluster by that point that there's no real reason to act on that. That's not dating, that's just kids under the illusion that's what dating should be about.

People break up for whatever reason, but the world is also so large and so random that it's really important not to lose sight of the things that you think matter in life - operating under someone else's words or "perceptions" isn't really living at all, is it? If you think that you can have a committed relationship before college, than you should go for it - there are people who aren't shallow, and will actively make an effort to have the relationship work out.

"Experience this, experience that, etc." Sure, heartbreak is an important experience, but you should never take another person's word for it as the "defining" experience. Except for studying - that's pretty much the only thing in anyone's life where you should be asking other people how they do it. How you choose to experience friendships or relationships is not something you should be asking others for help on, in most cases.

Just in my experience, I'm the sort of person who's had only one committed relationship, ever - it lasted for a nice couple of years, but a change in my ex's lifestyle pretty much meant it had to end. It was very amicable, no hard feelings on other's side, and no real drama to it. Even when I'm in college now, I don't really go out of my way for that sort of experience - just that occasional meeting with someone else every now and then. That's the way I liked to experience my relationships, but for others, that may not be a learning experience at all. Really, the important thing for me is that I just have my own priorities, and I'm disinterested in romance as a whole - that's the sort of person I am today.

Hopefully you find an answer that you really believe in - finding a girlfriend in your case is just going to be a balance of letting the moment come towards you, and then seizing the opportunity.

The mindset of waiting to get into a committed relationship is essentially trying to shut off an aspect of one's self-- basically saying "when it is more convenient for me, I'll consider having serious feelings for someone." I find this silly because love never is nor should it ever be about convenience.

Urging a son/daughter to delay romance is basically a covert (maybe even overt?) attempt to protect/prevent them from any delays in their career potential. 

While such a concept means well, I think it is the opposite of how love works. So no. Live and love while learning how to prioritize and be responsible :-)

In the case of being "cuffed down", being in a committed relationship means you may have to forego certain opportunities that may otherwise be beneficial.

For example, if you've always wanted to work at a particular company, and that company requires you to relocate but you are unable to since your partner does not want to relocate and/or is unwilling to put up with long-distance, you're going to have to make some decisions.

But I mean in that case, it's not even about getting into a relationship after college: you might as well postpone your plans until well after your 40's or 50's if you have a career that requires you to move around a lot and your partner is unable to keep up with you.

"Why are you breaking up with me?" "Because you called me bae!" "I've always called you that and you didn't care."

*sad piano music*
"I always cared. I died a little on the inside each time until finally... I broke. I couldn't take anymore. I'd hoped you'd stop, but you never did."

Do not overthink life too much.. It will be over before you know it..

Do not overthink life too much.. It will be over before you know it..

>Best read with a sinister voice.

Being in college, especially if you're a full time student, ESPECIALLY if you also have a job on the side, leaves little to no time for much of anything. This includes relationships, sadly. I'm not saying you shouldn't do it, I'm just saying that you might create stressful, non-realistic expectations that you'll force on yourself. After all, there's only 24 hours in a day.

Work towards a career first. Then you can enjoy life and find a relationship while having financial stability.

Depends on what you mean by "committed relationship" really, but I think that it's a kind of bad way to look at relationships. If everyone involved is open and honest about their wants, needs, and goals (which unfortunately is less often then is should be) then the idea of commitment, I think, is much less important then who's feelings will be hurt by your actions.

Depends on what you mean by "committed relationship" really, but I think that it's a kind of bad way to look at relationships. If everyone involved is open and honest about their wants, needs, and goals (which unfortunately is less often then is should be) then the idea of commitment, I think, is much less important then who's feelings will be hurt by your actions.

I never looked at it that way.