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Your opinions - Was it my fault? (I won't get offended)

Lord Vectra

Entry posted by Lord Vectra ·

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Don't forget to comment :)  

8 members have voted

  1. 1. Do you agree with me?

    • Yes
      2
    • Part of it
      4
    • No
      1
    • None of the above
      0

One thing I hate is someone attacking my character. That pisses me off like nobody's business.

 

These are fake names and ones involved in this is not in the forums.

 

What started the argument

Lana asks me to read her paper. I didn't know she just wanted me to read it and not correct it; she just wanted me to read it for the story (I'm not complaining). There was a sentence in her paper that caught my eye.

 

"I had helped raise this wolf working at the reserve, I helped with all the animals."

 

Now, besides the fact "while" should be between "wolf" and "working", there should be a semi-colon after reserve. She is combining two full sentences (which she tried to tell me they weren't), and I, gently, told her that there should be a semi-colon. She said she didn't know about that and that she believe I am wrong because her English Teacher didn't correct it. From there, (she hasn't told me to not give corrections yet) I tried to explain to her about independent clauses and that they can only be joined by a semi-colon.

She said that I was degrading and whatnot. I said that I wasn't; I'm just trying to tell her why I am right and why her English Teacher is wrong. She didn't buy it, stopped responding for a while. Our friend. Sarah, told me that Lana said that I might have been helping her but I said it in a degrading way. I understand this because it is the internet, things get misinterpreted all the time. Mind you, I'm in no way mad about it.

 

Now, while Lana was ignoring me, I decided to ask my English Teacher because I felt bad and I wanted to know if I was wrong because if I'm going to correct her, and if she does, eventually, believe me, I wanted to make sure it was right. Basically, I started 2nd guessing myself.

 

In the midst of me feeling bad, I felt guilty because I thought "What if I would've never brought it u?" I know there was no why I could've known she didn't want criticism but still. Mind you, I'm not mad about the semi-colon. This is just how it got started.

 

This is why I'm pissed off

We started discussing how I talk. That is no problem for me; I don't mind getting criticized for how I talk. I only get mad if I have already told you I don't care because certain words I know is wrong but I don't feel comfortable saying it the right way. For example, you would say "that is mine." I say "mines" because it sounds better, but if someone corrects me, I don't get mad about it until after I have told them to stop.

 

We talked about interrupters and she gave me a sentence I said. I gave my explanation, and then I thought "wait a minute." I looked it up and I was wrong. I said she was right and I was wrong. Since we are on the topic of grammar, I decided to, at least, give it one more shot because I'm not mad about the semi-colon; I'm just trying to help her because she think it's the right way. She WILL get marked down if her next English Teacher sees it.

 

She said I was petty, know-it-all, condescending, etc. I'm trying to tell you that it is wrong and your argument is your English Teacher didn't correct it. Teachers aren't perfect. I've seen teachers read a paper 5x and missed a few grammar errors. Now, what I am mad about is that she attacked my character, and there is a reason I hate that besides the point it can be defaming and rude if wrong.

 

Lana and Sarah just admitted that I am all them things to them. Really? REALLY??? I am trying to help you and now, you are saying I am petty and inconsiderate. Yes, it's just a comma but, nonetheless, it's an error no matter how big or small. Again, I am NOT mad about the comma and semi-colon. i gave up trying to tell her because you can't force help on others.

 

Inconsiderate: Lana didn't say it, but she has heavily implied it. Petty + condescending + know-it-all = inconsiderate.

These 3 characteristics equals inconsiderate. Remember, I'm not simply just dreaming to become a therapist, I help people with life issues at least 2 - 3x a month, so I know all about personalities and characteristics.

 

Don't call me petty and a know-it-all. I am just saying "a semi-colon needs to be there." I'm not perfect; I don't try to be, and what do I get out of putting people down? You wanna hear my motto?

 

"You get what you give."

 

Nowadays, I tell people "I live to help." HELP IS THE KEYWORD. I don't get a rush from putting people down, that is what sick and controlling people do. I was the first to leave the convo. It was SUPPOSED to have ended, but guess what? Lana came responding to my msgs that she ignored (Sarah played as the messenger (which I didn't like but watever)). This is right after she got done ignoring my msgs and right after I left chat. I only know about the msg because I forgot my phone notifies me of msgs.

 

Basically, to sum it up, she said her English Teacher went to school to teach English and I'm wrong. Then she told me about my speech, and I thought I tell her about her sentence. I am not mad about the comma or semi-colon, but if you put that in a paper, any real English teacher that notices it WILL MARK IT DOWN AND YOU WILL LOSE POINTS (I didn't tell her that). Even though she continued the grammar convo, apparently, I'm the bad guy because now Sarah is saying it is my fault like... WHAT?

 

Let me get this straight: I am petty, inconsiderate, know-it-all, condescending, because I was trying to help you on your grammar? Can you not take criticism? Look it up, if u need to. No one is saying you are stupid. Another thing: How can I make you look stupid when it's a DM?!?!?! It's only me and you, so no one is gonna know unless I tell someone else or you tell someone else. Like, right now, I made this blog entry, but no one knows her. She could, literally, sign up on here and no one would know if neither of us mention it.

 

Back to why I'm so pissed. Let's say, for example, Bob says "Hey, in your game, Leonardo is a bit too powerful." I'm not gonna say "Well, Jimmy thinks it's fine, so your criticism is invalid." I'm using this because, at times, there is a clear line on whether a character is OP or not, right? Like how there is a clear line on whether a comma or semi-colon should be used.

 

Again, I'm not mad about the grammar. I'm mad that they attacked my character. Like, I'm trying to help you for your next graded paper, so you don't get a lot of points taken off, but no, right? I'm an inconsiderate person that is a know-it-all, right? I'm so petty for helping you, right? I'm totally trying to make you look stupid, right? I am getting such a good rush from making you look stupid, right?

 

I have helped you with your life issues, yet I am inconsiderate, huh? See, you, as a friend, I try to help you, so you don't make the same mistakes. I want to become a therapist, so I can help people not make the same mistake again and guide them so they can be the best they can be. I'm inconsiderate, right? I am the most petty and inconsiderate person in the world, why would I even think about being a therapist, right? Is that what you think of me because I'm trying to help you? I told you MULTIPLE times, I was not saying it in a mean way. but apparently, I must be wrong, right? It doesn't matter what I mean, it matters how it looks, right? It's the internet, crap get misinterpreted all the time; that is why we got emoticons. I must be wrong about that too, right?

 

I must be so petty talking about this, right? After you attacked my character and I defended myself, I must be the most petty person out there. See, if you weren't my friend, I would've just said whatever. If we weren't friends, you think I would still be in that argument trying to help you? Have you thought about that? Oh yeah, that's right, I'm petty and a know-it-all, so I couldn't possibly have done that because I cared about you and your grades.

 

You know what? Yes, that is a small error, but you think it's right, so you'll do it multiple times which adds up as A WHOLE LOT OF LOST POINTS. Wait, that can't be the reason why I am helping you because why would I help you if I am so inconsiderate, right? Hmmm, there must be another explanation.

 

*5 years later*

 

I found no new explanation. I care about you, but I am so inconsiderate, right? You had one big error in your paper, but I said "forget it" because I'm feeling to old to be this young. You wanna be wrong on your papers? Go on, right ahead. Don't attack my character because you don't want to fathom the thought that your teacher might have missed it because teachers are not perfect. I have seen teachers read an essay 5+ times and didn't find crap wrong with it (I'm not mad at you, Teachers, keep doing your jobs).

I'm just pulling that outta my butt, right? No way is that true. I'm just a petty and inconsiderate moron that doesn't know what he's saying, right? If you ask ANY internet friend who I have known for years about what happened, they know I'm not like that.

Mind all reading this, I was going to leave, but if you chase me, sort of speak, I'm not going to keep running while you keep chasing me. When she told me she didn't want criticism, I was going to let it go and then she just had to go for my grammar (which i liked because I was wrong, and I learned something), but when I try to help her with hers, I'm inconsiderate, right? I'm just a despicable and petty person, right?

 

I just HATE IT SO MUCH when my character is attacked, ESPECIALLY when you haven't even checked in ANY way if you were right or wrong. See, when I was criticized, I'd admit, I spoke before I looked it up but when I did, RIGHT AFTER, I learned I was wrong. I came back and told her I was wrong and sorry.

 

About the semi-colon and comma,like I said before, I double checked to be sure I was right. Can't be, right? I only asked my teacher because I get a rush from being told I'm right, right? It has nothing to do about me trying to help you, right?

 

This is what some people don't understand. The error, even if small, if you feel it is right, it will pile up on you if you do it multiple times thinking it's correct when it is, indeed, an error. They are small, but it is important you understand them because it can only better you life, and that is in ANYTHING YOU DO, not just grammar, but y'know, what do I know? I'm just an inconsiderate moron that just loves to be told I'm right, huh? Y'know wut I'm more interested in? Helping people and getting joy out of that. I don't enjoy making people look stupid and being a bully. I have A LOT of weight on my shoulders, but I still do it. Y'know why? I get joy from helping people, and the joy outweighs ANY weight that may be on my shoulders.

 

Let me give you a summary:

Friend 1's Game

Friend 2's Game

Friend 3's Game

Friend 4's Game

Friend 5's Game

Friend 6's Game <= Pending

Teaching eventing

Helping people with life issues

My Game

School

 

Do you notice anything? Every single one, except for "School" and "My Game", is me helping someone else. Y'know why? Cuz I love helping and I was trying to help you, but apparently, when I say "I wasn't saying it in that way." I must be lying, right? I totally love to put people down because it give me a sudden rush.

I'm the criminal, right? I won't tell you any more criticism. If your story had 1,000 errors, I won't say crap.

 

Oh yeah, I didn't forget when you said you wanted to be a writer or an actor. Remember that conversation? Yeah, I was trying to help you in case you went for being a writer. Not only that, it's because I... hold on... lemme think... oooooh yeah, cuz I care about you. Wait, that doesn't make sense because I'm so inconsiderate, right? Gosh, why am I so inconsiderate? I am ashamed of myself, I wanna get banned from the forums because I just can't live with myself anymore. I'm a know-it-all, arrogant, inconsiderate, and petty. Wow, I got some issues, Imma need the bible, some holy water, candles, Riki's rainbow magic, and Kaz's Admin powers to get me out of this because who knew I was so inconsiderate, right?

 

*deep breathes*

 

Summary of what happened

  1. I told her about the Semi-Colon
  2. She didn't believe me
  3. I broke it down for her TO HELP HER
  4. She seen it as degrading
  5. I told her I wasn't trying to do that
  6. She didn't believe me
  7. Said her English Teacher didn't correct it, so it's right
  8. I'm trying to tell her that the English Teacher either missed it, was being lenient, or she/he is just wrong
  9. She finally tells me she doesn't want criticism
  10. I told her I wasn't telling her because of the error, though, that is what started it. I'm telling her now because she thinks it's right.
  11. She called me petty, know-it-all, and condescending
  12. I'm trying to defend myself (like some people would)
  13. I get yelled at by both girls saying it's my fault
  14. I just leave

Was I wrong? If I am at fault of anything, tell me (I won't get offended).

 

Note: I did not filter anything, everything I told you is exactly how it happened because if I am wrong, I wanna know.


12 Comments

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Asharonapaul

the real reason for the argument seems to me, to be a miscommunication, or even a failure to communicate. When anyone asks me to read something they have written, I always ask them why they want me to read it for themselves. And same with my friends I ask to read my things, or anyone who is author really that I have asked. They always ask what I am looking to get out of them reading my work(s).

 

People struggle with colon and semi-colon use a lot, like not many people know you can use it for lists. Almost every author new to the forums I am on, at one point struggled with it.

 

But that's the thing, they got better because they are/were on a forum geared to improving your craft of writing... You submit stories on a password protected area of the site, and people leave critiques, it is expected and desired. For people that never go there, I try not to worry too much about offering them a critique, because it means they are slowly coming out of a shell which protects them from their fears of rejection, and disapproval.

 

I would let it go... Things work themselves out in time even without human intervention.... The Universe has done just fine without us for eons, perhaps our entropy is hurting it and ourselves? ;)

 

She does, however, sound like the kind of person that would tear you down every chance she gets as a result of this... You have two choices, never bring it up again until she does; or delve into an increasingly caustic relation.

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Kayzee

First of all, I think it is quite likely that people are primed to attack anyone that tries to correct grammar and spelling. Mistakes happen and most people don't see it as that important. They think that the way it is delivered shouldn't matter more then the content, and mostly rightly so. Even grammar teachers can disagree on what the rules actually are sometimes, and they are far from the final authority, if there even can be said to be one.

 

Second of all, your kinda spinning your own narrative here, just as they are spinning theirs. You, of course, were just trying to help, so you say. And they are unfairly attacking your character. How would they see it? Why would you want to help in that way? Why do you insist too much? You know your character, or I hope you do. They don't. For all they know you could just be "helping" in the same way that, say, the white man "helped" those "lesser cultures" find the light of "civilization". Maybe that isn't your character. Heck maybe it is. But it's a narrative that what you said can support.

 

Point is, there are a billion different ways actions can be interpreted based on a billion different things, and in the eyes of most people when they get offended, they are automatically expecting a "bad person". And trying to argue how it wasn't your fault isn't going to help. And heck, maybe you should have a long sit and seriously think about these accusations. Are you piety? Are you condescending? Are you a know-it-all? Are you inconsiderate? Did you, just maybe, approach the whole situation in a bad way? Maybe the answers you get back will not be the one you expect, but maybe they won't.

 

Fact is, I don't know you. I don't know your character. But I think I know how some people would spin this in their mind, and I bet you kinda are doing the same thing. Because that's just kinda what people do, they attack each other's characters, they make their own narrative so they are not at fault, they get angry and offended at each other if if the other person did nothing wrong.

 

Point is, it doesn't matter who's fault it is, because the other is always to blame.

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lianderson

Seems like they´re more mad at you not for what you said, but how you said it. I ran into a similar case a long time ago. Just chalk it up as another life lesson on human interaction. Sometimes being reasonable is unreasonable.

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Saltwater Croc

 

Sounds to me like a bunch of overly-sensitive teenagers who can't stand to be wrong.  They need to suck it up and grow up; take it like it is, a correction.  And not act like their whole world was shattered because HEAVEN FORBID someone pierced their little bubble and CORRECTED them!

HOWEVER:
YOU need to let it go if someone insists that they're right (even if they're not).    You were not wrong in trying to help your friend, but pushing why you thought you were right on your friends, no matter how stupid they might have looked, made you dead wrong.  JUST AS MUCH AS THEY.


If someone doesn't want your help, then it's better to let them be stupid.

 

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Saltwater Croc

You don't need to defend your character if you're true and honest. In time, it will defend itself (people will make themselves look stupid and/or ruin themselves at their own hands.)

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Tarq

Croc is right (although I'm not sure why he makes such a big deal about age - people with that kind of mindset aren't well-equipped to just 'grow out of it').

 

I mean, yeah, you're trying to help and that's a positive way to go about your day. But not everybody wants your help, or prioritises everything the same.

Lana did kind of ask for help when she had you look over it initially, but what she really wanted from the exchange was probably just to gauge general consent (perhaps farming approval even), not actual focussed critique. Perhaps she intended to do a second draft after hearing some thoughts on it, I couldn't say (If that were so she probably should have just shared the polished versions but whatever; people work differently). Either way, when she got irritated at you for your 'help' you should have just given in. It sounds odd, but she's welcome to be incorrect; the only person it harms is herself. You certainly shouldn't have persisted in bringing it up, particularly as ammunition when you're wrong about something else; that whole conversation in my head runs as "Oh yeah, I'm wrong about something trivial. Hey, remember that time you were wrong about something more so?".

 

So, yeah. Keep helping people, that's great! But save the help for people who sincerely want it. It'll save both parties some grievances. 

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Lord Vectra

@killoZapit, Thx for the tip.

@Saltwater Croc, your response is kinda funny because I predicted that you would respond in that way. I think we just became best friends level 100 ^_^

 

@Lianderson, Reasonable is unreasonable? Can u plz elaborate?

 

@Tarq. I know. Can't help someone if they don't want help. *shrug* oh well

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lianderson

It´s unreasonable to try to reason with someone who is currently unable to reason. Kinda like the movie Idiocracy and how the MC had to win the plant debate by saying he talked to the plants.

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Saturnity

Rather than answer your question on whether I believe you are right or wrong in this situation, I'm going to offer a recent experience of my own and you can analyze it in comparison to your own:

I play a trading card game called Magic: The Gathering, with which you may or may not be familiar. Every week or so I meet up with a friend of mine and we play, though I have to say that I'm more invested in the game, as I also compete in local tournaments. I'm not a "professional" player, since I don't play in any big-name tournaments, and my decks don't use some of the high tier/expensive strategies that you can find online. I DO, however, consider myself very knowledgeable of the game itself, it's rules and requirements, and how the vast majority of mechanics work.

So, one day, about a year ago, my friend and I met up to play and had gotten pretty far into our session. I played a certain card that my friend had not seen before. This is essentially what the rules text of the card states:

When you "cast" [this card], reveal the top X cards of your deck, you may put a card from among them into play.

(The wording is rather different, but I put it into simplified terms so people who don't play the game can understand)

The important term here is "cast".

In response, my friend also played a card, called a "counter", that normally sends a played card to the discard pile with no effect. According to the comprehensive rules for the game, however, the ability I described takes effect regardless of whether or not the card was countered. My friend proceeded to tell me that he didn't believe that's how the card worked. Mind you, I had played this specific card multiple times and received instruction by ranked judges on how the mechanics worked, so I knew for a fact that I was in the right. So, being a good sport, I attempted to instruct my friend on how the ability worked, so that we could continue the game.

In the midst of describing the mechanic to him, I stopped at a certain point and said, "Do you understand what I'm saying?"
Now in my mind, that equated to, "Did I explain that in a way that made sense?"

My friend, however, became tiffed, and said not to talk to him like he was stupid. Confused, I asked him what I said that upset him, and he told me that I was being condescending.
In his mind, he heard something along the lines of, "Are you intelligent enough to understand what I'm telling you?"

Now here are the facts:
- I've been playing Magic for longer than my friend.
- I have played against high-level deckbuilders with more in-depth knowledge of the game than even myself.
- I do have more knowledge of the mechanics than my friend, just because it interests me more and I like to be immersed in gameplay.
- I explain rules to newer or less experienced players, because I feel they have everything to gain from understanding how cards and strategies function.
- This particular friend and I are very close, and we are always hanging out, and enjoy having intelligent discussions. He is a very bright individual whom I admire.

Despite all of these circumstances, and how well we know each other, my friend still took my instruction as condescending and arrogant in that instant, simply from what I said and the way I said it, even if I believe I didn't do anything wrong.

That's just how people are, one single word can make or break relationships, regardless of how well you know someone.
 

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Lord Vectra

oops. Forgot to reply to this.

 

@Saturnity; I can relate. luckily, we became friends again yesterday. How about you? Did you guys ever become friends again?

 

@Killo, the point of grammar is so people can understand what you are saying. "I ate pineapples pizzas watermelon gummy bears and chicken." With no commas, it looks crazy. By English changing, some things are noun and adjectives. In this case, it wasn't a big deal, but she would've gotten marked, and because she think it's right, she would've done it multiple times which will result in her getting a lot of points taken.

 

I can't speak on the English Teachers disagreeing on rules because I've never seen it, but because I never seen it doesn't mean it doesn't happen, so I got no comment on that.

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