Yes, really.   That's just how it is.  Telling someone that it's their fault they got cheated in the past and now have a problem trusting people is completely immature and unacceptable and something I'd expect a child to say. Whatever happened to being a gentleman? Whatever happened to Chivalry?

Im not saying it is their fault. If you got cheated, that is when you take a break until you can move on. If you have trust issues, I think one should fix them. I'm not saying trust everyone but if u trust them, you trust them. You can't get into a relationship 50% trusting them. If they cheat, kick'em, recover, and move on.

Im not saying recovering is easy or fast but it is needed.

Chivalry has been dead for a long long time salty.

But seriously, Vectra, you got to relax. You keep going on and on about crap like this over and over again. I think I have told you this before but I will say it again. People are always looking for different things in a relationship. People need to sit down and tell each other what they want and what they expect. If a girl tells you something like this and you don't agree, say "no" and walk away. It's just that simple. Two people need to hash out what rules work for them, not rely on what others tell them. But if you can't stand those rules, don't put yourself through them.

Is it unfair that some woman may insist things like this? Probably. Does it mean they have trust issues? Maybe. But is it your place to be police for every other person's issues and decide if they are selfish or not? I mean, complaining about it might not be a bad idea in all cases, but it just kinda looks like you are lashing out to me. Point is, if they put out such a requirement to be in a relationship, then that's their requirement. You can try and argue about it or somehow haggle, but most people are not interested.

Correct me if I am too off the mark here, but I think your problem is you still think of a relationship as a sort of mutually desirable thing that should have one and only one set of fair rules for everyone. Well it's not, and maybe it shouldn't. That's just way to simplistic of an idea. Sometimes a woman could know perfectly well that all men are not cheating machines, but is simply not interested in putting herself in an emotional state where they feel paranoid about it.

So they dictate terms that may seem unreasonable to you, but to them it's just the only way they think they can feel safe in a relationship. And what's wrong with that? It's just a pre-screening measure. Surly someone will fit their standards even if most guys won't. There is nothing wrong with having conditionals. There is nothing wrong with deciding to stay single.

I will say though that what I think IS wrong is assuming that everyone should follow the same standards and the same rules. There is nothing wrong with making up different rules, and dictate your own terms. Heck, there is nothing wrong with being a polyamorous slut if that is your thing. Just make sure everyone knows what your terms and rules are, and make sure they agree. Honesty and openness is the most important thing I feel.

I seen many times where women didn't trust their man even tho he's been a complete gentleman the whole time. They would be months in and she doesn't trust him. That sounds like an issue he can't and shouldn't have to fix for it.

Recover from the last break-up and move on.

@killo, u ninja'd me XD

I spoke on it only bc I just spoke on it on facebook, so I figured why not here and get others opinions or viewpoints. I do the blog to get other viewpoints and opinions bc im always interested in hearing wat ppl have to say. Seeing it through other ppl's eyes can give you a different perspective.

Hehe, it seems like your pretty fixated on relationships and other people's opinions of them though.

@Killo, I gotta have context to speak on something and dis is a debate on facebook which is how it got here and i gave my opinion. Relationship often break up bc of trust issues. Money, trust, and kids can utterly destroy relationships.

I prob shouldve mentioned it but this is situational. Meaning, it depemds on the person and wat is happening.

 

That sounds like an issue he can't and shouldn't have to fix for it.

You've got a lot of learning ahead of you, man.

The problem I see here is not trust issues. The issue is communication.
When you have a friend who may or may not have been close to you at one point in time as a "more than friendly" relationship, you must establish that this person is a part of your life to your significant other, and also reassure them that you do not intend to pursue anything beyond platonic friendship. If your partner gives you the ultimatum "No, if you stay friends with him/her, we're done.", it will come down to what you value more; the friendship that you have already built over the years but isn't going any farther, or a promising new relationship that still needs to build up a foundation of trust.

Sometimes, in order to get/keep something, sacrifices must be made. "Equivalent exchange" so to speak.

If you make a NEW friend who might have feelings for you, the idea is still the same. Be forthright and open about the new friend with your significant other, eliminate any chances for suspicion. A good idea is to never spend time one-on-one with this new friend. The best chance at eliminating any potential issues lies in being honest to your partner BEFORE they have a chance to find out for themselves.

Personally, I'm a low risk sort of guy, having been heartbroken multiple times, so if I see any signs of cheating, I will verify that it's happening. If it is, I cut all ties. This is a rule I'll establish from the beginning of my relationships, so my partner knows what kind of person they're getting involved with.