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idiocy Entry 007: Singled Out; Forced Oppression, and other depressing crap

I find myself in this putrid limelight often, being shamed for just being myself, for speaking the truth, for just...being...honest...and I tell ya, I'M DAMN SICK OF IT.


It happens to me everywhere, so I'm slowly dropping out of the limelight's reach on more and more social platforms. I already gave up on more than half of them, for this among other reasons, which includes Facebook, Deviant Art, Twitter, Instagram, Photobucket, and soon to follow will be Twitch, Discord, and all other forum-based platforms, if this is to continue, because I cannot justify conformity in any sense. It is thoroughly immoral, and furthermore, both damaging and senseless.


Also, conformity != civility. If anything, the two are complete opposites (and they are).


And before anyone starts a tirade on this, for whatever reason...


I am not like most; I present the facts in a way that is not often seen as much more than 'crazy talk'; to the commoner, I am just 'crazy', but that's their ignorance and their privilege showing. If anything, my level of intellect on a lot of things should be granting me 'pedestal status', or at the very least, some level of glowing praise, but not in this day and age, where superior intellect == mental illness and/or instability. Am I too intelligent for my own good? Probably, but there's nothing I can do about it, short of getting a lobotomy.


If you feel the need to not read any further, then please, by all means, don't. But I also do not want a two-bit opinion if you're not to read the full post. That's trolling, another sickening thing about the twenty-first century humanity, which is anything but human.


Back to intellect. "Okay, if you're so smart, why can't you fix this, or that? Or the world?"


There's one way to fix the world...you won't like it either.


Someone once illustrated the solution to the world's problems, and though there were no humans in it, there were four guillotines, seven nooses, and a bloodied heavy axe hung on a stone wall. There was a caption that said 'for those who feel the world is needing of change, but have no contributions to give, feel free to offer your life so that others may thrive'.


Obviously, no one who believes they are in control of their own lives would go for it, but in all due honesty, I could probably list a few thousand people by name who definitely would qualify as needing this type of voluntary execution (I won't mention any names), myself included.


"Wait, why would you include yourself??"


Because, as smart as I am, I lack the capability at the practical level to create the change. I'd be a liability, just another impractical asset whose intellect would likely not find much use, and therefore, would not be vital. That's all. The fact that it would be the end of my imprisonment here is irrelevant.


"You're so dramatic, so negative..."


Yeah, I know. I've explained this already, so I won't go there again, it stresses me out even further.


I'll tell you this. I'd rather write (or in this case type) out my frustrations, than have my frustrations be channeled through my fists into an inanimate object, like a wall, window, or at the worst, to grab a knife and show my extreme duress by positioning it into the seppuku preparation stage.


"You need professional help."


I HAD that before I moved from Colorado. I had a great team of doctors aiding me, and I was slowly recovering, but now I don't even have insurance, and likely don't even qualify, thanks to Donald JACKASS Trump and his BS TrumpCare.


"Why did you move from Colorado??"


Because, on my FIXED and VERY LIMITED income, I could no longer afford to live there. The cost of living keeps increasing, but the bottom line never follows. Soon, only the wealthy will survive...my middle finger (both of them) to that.


"Is there anything that I (or we) can do, to help?"


I always accept donations (not that I get any or have ever gotten any), so there is that. Otherwise, over the internet, there is little that can be done, or even asked of.




One thing about all this, is that if I were to ever make it out, and to become a great success, I would never forget about the struggles, and most certainly would never forget about those who also suffer, which is why PHANTOM Enterprises will always be a non-profit company, and that my band, Karma Bitches, will never have copyrights on our music.


Pie in the Sky dreams, I know...


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Damn, girl, you are depressing. You'll muddle your way through as long as you keep working at it so don't go and decapitate yourself. You definitely need to ween off the social media though. This forum is more or less a safespace, but most places any idiot can say anything, and half the time it's just trolling for the sake of trolling. If you struggle with that, the internet is a cruel nasty place. 



There's one way to fix the world...you won't like it either.

Superpowers? I'd like that very much actually! :P Very few people have the ability or are in a position to create significant change. You seem to worry a lot about stuff you have to control over. I hope you'll eventually be able to let that go. You'll be a lot less mopey.


Money will help a lot. Basically being a prisoner in your own home isn't doing you any favors. I've been in that spot before. Not as bad as your situation; my town is pretty big, and I have friends who were willing to pay for my broke ass. That was pretty sucky.  Being in a small town where you don't know anybody has got to be far suckier. I understand now why having your account hacked for that other forum got to you the way it did. The internet is an escape, and part of that was taken from you. Worse still, you never got to confront who did it and probably never will. How many times have you fantasized about all the things you'd do and say if you had five minutes alone with them? A lot, I bet. 

Getting a job-even as shitty one- will help. Some money is better than none, and it will get you out of the house. Who knows? You might even make a friend. You can squirrel money away for a car so you're not so trapped, and have more options for finding a better job with better pay. Knowing you can afford everything you need is a very comforting feeling. Just keeping yourself busy in general will help keep your mind off all the things that get you down. 


You're right, there isn't really much I can do for you from behind a screen. I wish I could. Keep muddling through. I'm sure you can make it.


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Well I kinda agree with loney about social media in a way... There is very very little reason to pay attention to that crap. I won't say the net is a horrible horrible place or that people are always horrible horrible people, because I still think that's kinda dumb. But I will say that for both cultural reasons and design that permits it, most of that kind of stuff on social media is made up of disposable overly defensive knee-jerk reactions that don't really mean anything. And honestly, I don't even know if I can truly blame most of the people who post it. Not really. Humans just aren't that culturally well equipped to deal with the idea that other opinions outside of their own little social bubble are things that exist, let alone are valid. The more you challenge the status quo, the more people will shout and yell and whine. Not because they are horrible people, but because a lot of them think they have something to lose if they don't. And some times they are even right.


I mean let's put things in perspective here. The internet has existed for, what, twenty maybe thirty years? And mass social media has existed a fraction of that. Heck, the whole civil rights act in the 60s wasn't even that long ago. Even the whole idea of humans having 'rights' at all seems to have only really gotten popular relatively recently in human development. It's been a grueling battle to even get to this point, and most just rather have their own place that they feel is stable. If someone comes and tries to upend that place, they get mad and they push back. It doesn't make you look any less like you are attacking them that you use words like 'ignorance' and 'privilege' and come from a perspective of anger and frustration. And I know, I know, I can do the same thing, but I try not to.


That said, the idea that someone has 'no contributions to give' is silly. You give something each time you write a word on a page and publish it online. And that thing is pressure. Every time you push, every time you try, you add just a bit of pressure. You make the discussion just a bit hotter, bringing it just a bit closer to the boiling point. And despite what some others might think, that's a good thing. Because pressure is the main reason why humans have even come as far as they have. War and violence is always distasteful, but all the awful stuff happening in the world today? That's a good sign. That means the pressure is on. It means the world is charged with the energy of change in the wind. Ideally humans can find a positive use for that energy, can channel it to a good end. But even if they can't, when all is said and done and the peices have been picked up, humans do learn. Painfully slowly, but they do.


Remember 'Twitch Plays Pokemon'? That is humanity. No, that is life it's self. A lovely teaming chaos, fighting it's self every step of the way. Yet in the end, after many hardships and disasters...They. Still. Won. If humans just give up, they will never reach the prize. What is the prize you might ask? Hehe... Why becoming like us fairies of course! <3 What else could it be? :3

Edited by Kayzee

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@lonequeso I deal with trolling offline...I don't need it when I do 'escape'...


@Kayzee No, I hadn't seen that before... :huh:

That was very odd just from reading the article...


I use those words because they do apply truthfully. If it looks like I'm attacking, in part I am, but I'm also parrying off the attacks of others...if that makes any sense.


Human cooperation is slowly dwindling. I think we see that, but we are few...

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Twitch Plays Pokemon is seriously human sociology condensed into a silly game stream. It developed it's own meme religion (if you have any doubts, consult the helix fossil).


And it doesn't matter what you are doing, nor does it matter if you can convince them. But people are always watching, taking in your words. This isn't a battle to be won or lost by power over a foe. It's a performance judged by those silently watching, a game played for the benefit of an audience. To truly win you need to play well, you need to learn the rules and the tricks, and have a strategy. Your choice of words matters, your attitude matters, how far you go and how much you let them get to you matters. Sometimes aggression is the best way to do that, but it's not always the best.


And as for human cooperation is slowly dwindling? I honestly think it's the opposite. This is the era where people can come together more and more to create something better. Heck, just look at the recent relief for hurricane victims. It's just centralized power that is slowly dwindling. That's the way it is with governments. A bunch of pretentious old men playing at running the world. But the world left them behind long ago. We are the future. We've had to endure much, you and I, but soon there will be order again, a new age. Aquinas spoke of the mythical City on the Hill. Soon that city will be a reality, and we will be crowned it's queens. Or better than queens. Goddesses.


... Okay we probobly won't be, and maybe quoting a megalomaniacal villain who wants to usurp all the power from the Illuminati isn't the most comforting thing to say, and it's more snappy with male titles, but things will get better I promise!

Edited by Kayzee

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58 minutes ago, PhoenixSoul said:

 I deal with trolling offline...I don't need it when I do 'escape'...

I feel ya, but they're still there, and typically ballsier from behind a screen. Besides, in person you can punch them! :lol:

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@lonequeso Mm-hmm, and then have felonies on my record. I'm NOT spending another damned second in a cement and steel cage.


@Kayzee Never played Deus Ex...but the intro to the game is definitely striking some familiar tones...

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Dues Ex (the original anyway) is probobly the most politically relevant game ever made to be honest. Even though it's practically built from insane conspiracy theories, it's very very well researched and manages to be frighteningly prophetic. Like for example, you know how after 9/11 the USA went kinda crazy with it's obsession with terrorism and all  these shady agencies popped up which seemingly used terrorism as an excuse to get away with trampling people's privacy? Yeah, Dues Ex predicted that. You know how big data and AI seem to be giving corporations more and more control? Yeah, Dues Ex predicted that. You know how the world is slipping further and further into income inequality as financial institutions fall under the control of a few rich people? Well that was already kinda going on, but Dues Ex predicted lots of where it would lead. To an extent it really isn't much more then taking a bunch of available information and extrapolating out to find the worst case scenario, but still pretty scary!


I do honestly think that humans are starting to turn away from that path more and more though. Then again... We will just have to see!

Edited by Kayzee

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Do you like animals?


I don't know how much it will help your situation, but if you like animals, maybe you could volunteer at an animal shelter and pet cats and dogs? Spending time with animals always helps me.

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