Entry 00E: Trying to find a Balance where there isn't one...
So, yeah, I've been on a mean roller coaster of emotions as of recent, but the fact remains that life is not good and slowly becoming unlivable. As sad as that is, I've found that anything I do to attempt to make any sort of changes at all, gets thwarted by everything and everyone, aware or unaware, the blame, cause and effect is evenly spread.
I could talk about how things could be better, and all that, but I won't because none of it matters.
All that matters is diving into the same debauchery and living by it like everyone else, regardless of how it clashes with you.
The alternative is undeserved suffering at the hands of the greedy and avaricious.
Of course, you know me, I take the alternative path and that won't change, but what will, is how I react to the way I am treated because I have reached my limit on how much nonsense I can handle, and I will be fair, but going forward, those that treat me like garbage, will receive the same, and if those that treat me like garbage just happen to be 'perceived authority figures', I will add an extra layer of shame upon them. This applies online and offline.
Treat me like an equal, be decent, honest and fair, all square.
I won't change my views on any given thing, but there are things I will be more vocal about, especially if it falls under avarice, hate, and/or greed.
I am a disabled person, my income is fixed and very limited, so yes, I do accept donations, but because of the absolute f*ckery by the likes of PayPal and GoFundMe, the donations are to be cash by mail only. I've received a couple of these, and it works just fine, just slip the money in a letter or something.
Next, I want to talk about gamedev in general. One of my main issues is that so much garbage goes on, that it really affects my creative flow, and as of recent, I've had many more periods of major creative stagnation than I've ever had in a year. That tells me that something needs to change, but the issue lies once again in my finances which are lackluster at best and not even in my control, for reasons unknown and likely invalid.
"Why don't you get a job?"
I've tried; I don't have the ability to be patient and submit applications on a cycle, my mind doesn't work that way.
"Why don't you change these things, improve them?"
That's as realistic as me growing a second set of arms, period.
"You're just being negative."
You be positive, I'll be realistic. (Thanks, Uncle Frank. -Home Alone)
"(Transphobic/homophobic nonsense)"
I look better in a dress than you do, you jealous or something? I can bind you to a chair and make you a woman...
Yep, these are FAQ.
Another thing about gamedev is that it is never something I can just get into; I do have to be in a certain mindset to get into it, usually the 'inspired' mindset.
Sometimes, gaming helps me get there, sometimes not.
I'm also one person, and yes, figuring everything out on my own is not possible. I use assets and ask for help because this is necessary, period.
But it's not necessary to put a price tag on said assistance, and that is where I stand on that. If one says they'll assist but later on require some sort of recompense, that is an absolute deal breaker, and I keep 100% of everything, assets, or otherwise because that's the price of lying to me.
But that's only applicable in cases where no initial cost was agreed upon, however, in a case where one changes their agreed upon cost to something that is unrealistic, it will end in the same, I will keep everything because I was lied to.
It's one thing if it is reasonable, but knowingly breaching your word and harming the other/s involved nullifies the agreement in full, and the one causing the harm gets nothing. Period.
So, anyway...enough about that.
I'm going to end this with a little factoid.
You can run RM in Safe Mode (it looks like garbage but that's how it is), and all one has to do is enable audio.
it requires adding keys to the registry, but after that, a reboot into safe mode and audio is enabled. RM will run after that. You can play games even, test play, whatever, as long as none of what you program in requires Direct X, because there's no way that I know of, to enable that.
Yeah, that's about it. I know very few will read this (I expect as much because I'm just a trans chick drama queen to most people e.e), but it's better than holding everything in...
Well, I think so anyway.
Until next time. Maybe.
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