It was a dark and stormy night when Edd, Matt and Tom went for a late night drive to go grab a midnight snack from the nearby corner store.
“Are we there yet?” Matt asked.
“That’s the fifth time you’ve asked,” Tom groaned.
“Actually yeah, we’re there this time!” Edd replied, “And it only took us three minutes!” The three walked in and looked around at the otherwise empty store, browsing the aisles and grabbing whatever suited their fancy.
Matt walked to the counter and set all their snacks down.
“Is anybody here?” he asked, looking around. He noticed Edd looking at more cola and Tom next to him, telling him about the history of the beverage and it’s original medicinal ingredients. Edd was laughing about it and the two were clearly making some kind of joke about it.
“What body?” somebody asked, popping up from behind the counter.
“What?” Matt asked.
“Nothing!” the person replied, laughing awkwardly, “There is no body! Only me!”
“Okay…?” Matt replied, “Can I buy these snacks?” The guy nodded.
“You’re in luck, because we’re having a free sale!” he said, “You get all of this stuff for free for the low low price of just leaving!” Matt thought for a moment.“But it looks like my friends need more time to finish getting everything they’d like,” he said. The guy behind the counter pulled a big, forced smile and nodded.
“Of course!” he said, “Just don’t leave that area.”
As if on cue, Tom’s bladder called for the toilet. He ran to the restroom, but was stopped.
“Where do you think you’re going?” the guy asked, sliding in front of the bathroom door.
“The toilet,” Tom replied, “Can I get in there?”
“No!” he replied suddenly, “It’s uh… Out of order. All of them. All broke. It’s tragic.”
“What’s all the red stuff?” Tom asked, noticing the red splotches on the guy.
“What do you think it is?” the guy asked, grinning a little. Tom took a small glance around the shop, noting the freshly painted red walls before replying, “Oh, you must be the painter.” The guy nodded.
“That’s right!” he replied, “I’m the painter! It’s paint! Now go find a bush- Wait, no. Go find a tree… Wait, no… Go find somewhere else to do your personal business.” Tom grumbled and walked outside.
Edd looked around. From his vantage point, he could clearly see an arm poking out from behind the counter. While the guy was distracted with Tom, he walked over to it and saw a whole dead body with several knives poking out. He gasped and took a step back. The guy sighed.
“See,” he said, “This is why I gave you guys the free discount. Now I have to make sure you aren’t gonna tell anybody I got mad at my boss and murdered everybody in the shop. Look what you’ve done!”
Suddenly, the guy pulled out a knife and chased after Edd. Tom noticed just as he was about to leave and quickly looked around for something to use against this guy. He found a packet of mustard and threw it under the guy’s feet, sending him slipping across the floor and into the wall. Tom quickly grabbed Edd and looked around.
“Where’s Matt?” Edd asked.
Matt, as it turns out, was grabbing boxes of biscuits. Everything was free, so why not stock up? It only took a few seconds for him to trip over the guy.
“Well then,” the guy said, “If it’s all the same to you, you need to pay for your midnight snack!”
“But I thought you said it was free!” Matt protested.
“The sale ended,” the guy replied, holding up his knife, “Now you have to pay…” Pause for dramatic effect…
“WITH YOUR LIFE!” Matt screamed and ran behind the counter of a deep fried Mars bar area.
“Don’t come any closer!” he cried, backing up to the deep fry containers. The guy walked closer. In a panic, Matt grabbed one of the baskets in the oil and threw it at him. The guy ran off screaming into one of the bathrooms.
“IT BURNS!” he yelled, “THIS STUFF IS BLOODY HOT! WHY?!”
Edd ran in after him.
“Why don’t I help you?” he asked.
“Would you?” the guy asked back. Edd shrugged.
“Here, close your eyes so I can get this stuff off you,” he said, taking off the basket and steering him into one of the stalls. He looked around before shoving the guy’s head in the toilet and running off.
“Let’s get our stuff and get out of here!” he yelled, grabbing the cola and running. Tom and Matt grabbed their stuff and ran out after him.