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PhoenixSoul

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Blog Entries posted by PhoenixSoul

  1. PhoenixSoul
    Novara.
    Rachel.
    I've seen/heard these names a few times in sleep visions I've recently had. The former is written on a trader's map, written in a font different from any of the other scratchings on it, as if it were part of the original map from before the trader acquired it. In my native tongue, Novara has a few meanings, most often referring to 'beginning and end', and as a name, feminine, rarely used because it has the same connotations. Not sure, if the name on the map is the cartographer, name of the region, or name of the planet, but the map in question is of my homeland and in part, surrounding areas. The scratchings on the map indicated that my hometown is a favorite of this particular trader. I came across the map early one sleepless morning, just as some of the people that barter their goods in the market square were setting up their shops. Likely, the map wasn't discarded purposely, but I never found the owner. Yeah; I know not, the name of my home world, or the names of many areas. I in fact do not know much about the geography of my home world, as I've never actually studied it. Of course, if I did want to travel abroad for a living I'd have to, or would need a navigator who is in the trade.
    ---
    Rachel. (Rah-shell)
    I've heard this person's name a few times in my sleep visions. I've come to realize that, the person who this mortal flesh belongs to, goes by that name. Beyond that, I know nothing else, not even he/she/they/ana-kata. What it means, though, is that, the person who this mortal flesh belongs to, also does not go by what it says on any 'legal' document. Of course, we all know that #LegalIdentityIsSuperficial.
  2. PhoenixSoul
    Yes; next version will be 1.0.

    I will have the intro chapter and the first chapter finished.

    What to expect:

    Chapter 0: Introduction: Backstory and Lore
    Chapter 1: Ramsey's Demons: Deadbeat Dad; Alley Rats
    Game Menu and Menu UI

    ETA: Soon (TM)
     
     
  3. PhoenixSoul
    I've not seen the movie (Netflix is and will always be a wealth-based privilege), but I did watch the review by SidAlpha, and from what I gathered, it is less about 'coming of age' than it is about twats being rebellious, something I can relate to but nothing like that. Apart from this, I really don't have much to say.

    I don't think that the intent of the creator was malicious, but in the end, it's not about intent, but about content; the content is trash/poorly cobbled together storytelling.

    Yes; twat and brat are the same thing. Brat is 'MuRiCaN' terminology, but all the same, all the same, English is such an odd language.


    Anyway, arbitrary age and maturity do not go hand-in-hand; one only need to see what Donald Trump is tweeting for one prime example of many, of how immature 'adults' almost always are. I used to know one person, who at the time, was 'underage' but also homeless and no one cared otherwise. She performed sex work for money, and last I knew, had been victimized by thugs with badges and guns because her client's arbitrary age was much higher. If not a victim of theft because I don't know if she got paid beforehand (the thugs were lying in wait), at the very least, they only went after the client and didn't provide her with any aid at all. I've not seen or heard from her in a long time. Maybe she found a way out, maybe she's buried six feet under, or incarcerated, Odinn only knows... I do know one thing. She knew, and understood. She understood the potential domino effect, and to me, that's more than mature enough.
  4. PhoenixSoul
    Well, there's not a whole lot I can say as of now, but from what I have seen, MZ looks very promising, and I love seeing coders dropping their code projects here (if only graphic artists would do so as well lolz), but until I get a fair chance to try it for myself (is there a demo version?), I cannot really commentate on it.

    I mean, four mapping layers plus the 'auto' option does make it sound like mapping will be very dynamic potentially, which that alone has caught my interest enough to wanna see more, but though I own MV, the cost is still far too high and way more than I ever have in my Steam Wallet. So, I will wait...

    It may be five, six years before I see MZ, if ever, but, that's how being underprivileged goes.
  5. PhoenixSoul
    I actually have very little to say that doesn't repeat what I've said before.

    Fact is, what you hear from mainstream media and the government is not backed by anything but inflated numbers and fearmongering. Even those whom have said they know of someone near their circle of influence that has the infection cannot be certain that they're not being lied to. Why cover it up, @Kayzee? So that the evidence that proves the deaths to be anything but the 'pandemic' (PLANDEMIC) can never be exposed. I once believed there to be some plausibility to this, but I've not seen anything that backs this up.

    It's a scam, and one in the works for a long time. Goes as far back as the fraud cover-up known as 9/11 that destroyed mountains of financial records of the government's fraudulent acts, and likely even farther. I'm going to keep this short and simple. #FOLLOWTHEMONEYTRAILS
  6. PhoenixSoul
    Tomorrow...July 2, 2020...
     
    My doggie, Oscar, is getting euthanized.

    Why?

    Let us just say that, for his breed he's well past his prime (a pug), and as a result...

    1) is 94% blind, 96% deaf
    2) can't walk or stand very well
    3) bumps into everything, lack of spatial awareness
    4) has issues with breathing and eating (the former an issue his whole life but is worse now)
    5) jumps at the slightest thing
    6) is obviously miserable
    7) can't really be bothered to do much more than sleep

    "How old is he?"

    Had him since early 2005. He was a teeny little furball back then.

    "I'm sorry."

    It's alright; at least he's in somewhat better health than Max was back when he had to be euthanized back in 2016. You're gonna ask, so...
    Max was my other pug; got him mid 2003 and he was slightly more mature. His health declined quickly after 2011. He got to a point where he was completely blind and his eyes had turned blue, was completely deaf with a very shrill bark, and barely could move, eat or drink. I remember still, the last time I carried him down the stairs to go outside, and about two hours later, he had a seizure he never fully recovered from. Yeah.

    I'm glad Max is gone; he no longer suffers at least. I will feel the same way about Oscar's euthanization, but, the catch is that even though I know he suffers, it's far less obvious, at least until you observe him walking over things and bumping into walls...

    So...losing Oscar is going to hit me harder. I loved giving him rubs and scritches, and when he could keep up with my rhythm, walking him (I stopped walking him because he just cannot keep up anymore so I have someone else aiding me there since I have autism-related issues with my rhythm being upset like that).
    Likely, I won't be getting another pet. Actually, it might be good to just not have one at all for a while. However, my depression is only going to be worsened by this...

    Anyway, just wanted to say something about this, in case something comes up down the line as a result of the tragedy...

    May the Divines guide us all...
  7. PhoenixSoul
    So, I've hit yet another roadblock, and I've no clue how to go around it.

    I don't have the endurance to stress over these, so if this is something I'm forced to solve on my own, Ramsey v0.1.5 is as far as this goes, and will be the last RM project I do any level of serious work on. It's too much for me to try to create something that I cannot fit into a lacking skill set.

    Okay, so you're wondering what the issue is, and why I didn't post this in the RGSS boards.
    The latter reason is that I need to talk about this in an open fashion and I can't do that without reprimand in the RGSS board.

    The issue:
    So, I've used Moby's Sprite Bugfix that makes it so that sprites taller than 32 px aren't affected stupidly by Star Passability tiles.
    I've already made one fix that doesn't take screen tone into effect (made an extra viewport and switched around some viewport functions), but now I've run into one more.

    I have custom ceiling tiles that when placed, obscure the player. They're in Tileset E. This issue was not present before these tiles were implemented (and thus the event system used to hide the player and then make the player through before undoing those after going through a door or under a ceiling transition was removed once the tiles were implemented), and that issue is that event graphics taller than the player sprite, will get drawn over the player sprite, when the player IS STANDING IN FRONT OF THE EVENT. IT LOOKS BAD, AND MAKES ME FEEL LIKE A DAMN CHUMP.

    I had tried several ways to make it not do that, even trying to make it draw over the player sprite if the Y COORDINATES OF THE PLAYER SPRITE WERE LESS THAN THE EVENT AND THAT THREW ERRORS DESPITE USING $GAME_PLAYER.Y AND $GAME_MAP.EVENTS[@EVENT_ID].Y WHICH ARE ALREADY DEFINED BY THE CLASS GIVEN.

    So, I asked dearest love @Kayzee for aid, and...naught. She gave an idea to make the events in question Below Characters which not only doesn't help, but gives them Through flags to boot. These door events may as well be guillotine events!


    So, am I going to get some help here!? Or, do I let Ramsey's deadbeat father kill her instead!?!?
  8. PhoenixSoul
    Okay, so I've mostly been working on mapping, and getting art assets taken care of, among other things, but I've come to realize that somewhere down the line...

    Saving is no longer working, and that's going to be a huge problem for v.1.0. Right now, saving isn't needed to enjoy the demo, but I intend to have the first chapter of the game story done by the first non-demo version, and in that regard, I need saving to work properly. Thing is, I don't know why it doesn't work. So, I will need help with this, and hopefully, @Kayzee can find time between sessions of that new Switch game (that I'll likely never play due to my wealth privilege level being lower), to aid me. If not...hmmm...

    Well, I'll cross that bridge when I get there I guess. I'm still waiting on one thing from one artist, who finally has their laptop all setup, and that's great.

    I actually am curious about setting system functions like saving to game switches, if that breaks them. I mean, I set the menu command to a switch is all; it won't appear if the switch is off but I wouldn't of thought that would disable the functionality. Hmmm...

    Eh. I've a lot on my mind and it is difficult to focus on gamedev, and fuck, even on gaming. I barely can do much of anything without being distracted by this or that, and it's too damn much! I need help here, but I'm most certainly not getting it! Yeah! I need help here!!!! (and asking for it from people offline gets me a 'fuck-you-but-I-won't-actually-say-it' response)

    I love the story I have come up with and I want to deliver it; so can I get some damn help here!? Is that too much to ask!?!?!?!?!?!?!!??
  9. PhoenixSoul
    (clamps hands over ears to silence the cheers, the jeers and the horns)
     
    ALRIGHT ALREADY!!!!
     
    lolz

    Anyway, there's not much to say more than yes, those of you who were hoping I'd finally release a demo, are gonna get your wish.
     
    However, there are caveats to note:
    I'm still working on a lot of things, and right now, I don't really have a lot of critical things in place, so the first demo release is not going to be feature-filled.

    What can be expected:
    A short demo, mostly text by the main character and/or the narrator.
    Half an hour of gameplay tops
    A good amount of potential bugs and glitches, mayhaps even Interpreter crashes (need your help in testing!)
    Some 'easter eggs'
    Plenty of Ramsey's vulgarities
    No censorship
    No saving (kinda pointless as there's only one major event)
    Mack's/Looseleaf sprite graphics combined with MV hair (it works well honestly) and MV-style face sets
    Political/Religious references and mockery plus a strong LGBT+ representation (now and going forward!)
     
    What's being worked on:
    The battle system and battler graphics (I have not found graphics for things like police, military, and so on-do they even exist?), no battles yet
    Inventory items, shops and the mercantile system (as of now the third of the three is pretty broken)
    Clothing/face bits for all twenty-four possible playable characters (only a few have their basic clothing all done with some others having placeholders)
    Story is still being fleshed out (I have a lot already written down)
    Icon graphics (a lot are done but there's much left to do)
    Title screen art (gonna need help with this-somehow)
    Sorcery system and passive skills (I have a few of the latter done as well as one Destruction element of the former done)
    Relationship system possibilities (mostly just a proof of concept as of now)
    Custom Map UI (as in a scene that shows a map screen and where certain things are on it)
    A soft game menu screen that allows the player to leave the game but still technically be playing the game (I have the visuals made but they're not refined yet)
     
    What's planned:
    Multiple endings (I have one 'true' ending in mind)
    Multiple, replayable game story chapters akin to how Half Minute Hero does it
    Character building that caters to the player
    NSFW/Mature scenes (I'd love to have these as visual scenes but for now they will be text only)
    A way to force game/chapter restarts (Hard Game Overs) in the case of something truly horrific happening (I don't know if it is possible though)
    Cameos from other games and media (I already have a couple of these partially finished)

    Supporters and those whom have aided me thus far:
    My team (KBGaming): Aylee, Celica, Claire, Fiena, and Rachael
    Dearest love @Kayzee, whom has been great with RGSS3 stuffs
    @Rikifive, whom has also aided me in RGSS3 stuffs
    @AutumnAbsinthe, fellow femme fair who loves horror and memes as much as anyone
    @Verdiløs Games, whom hasn't been around in a bit, is hopefully recovering well.
     
    You, among many others, have aided and supported me. Merci beaucoup. I hope you enjoy my vision.
  10. PhoenixSoul
    Yeah, you likely already know that Steam is laying a massive turd on me in the form of starting with a feature I never use because it doesn't work on my hardware and it is not interesting enough for me to even want to bother with. Here's the thing. As of this blog, the night before, Steam was running just fine. I rarely muck about with settings, though I do intend to change a few things if I ever migrate from Yahoo (yeah I hate that email client but getting set up on another is tedious as well as too many hoops to jump through).

    I never bother with Big Picture, though I did notice that Steam can be told to start in Big Picture mode. I always leave this off, but I do wonder if a Steam update forced this option on, and if there's a way to reverse that outside the client. If not, I am screwed. I have a lot of time and resources invested, and getting refunds for that just because I only get $440 a month via disability and have 2008 hardware that runs like garbage (it is garbage and I got ripped off but had no clue back then), is not going to happen.

    So, I'm asking for help, that I'm very unlikely to receive. You already know that I cannot accept digital payments, and are unwilling to aid me otherwise, so I'll take tips on fixing this stupid problem with Steam.
     
    -------
     
    "WhY dOn'T yOu JuSt GeT a JoB?"
    About the only job I could get is selling myself on the streets, as bad as it is for those like me with no job experience and no college degree...gee, thanks US government...

    Even if I could get a job, I'd likely find myself working some manual labor crap that would not pay me but bare bones, and cause me duress, stress, and strain that would completely annihilate my sanity, what's left of it, as well as my mental stability, which is a balancing act as is. I'd last a few weeks at such a job. Now, is that fair? No, not to me, not to the employer either. One can not just 'get a job'; the work has to fit the person, not the other way around. Segue to...
     
    My passions. I am a creative writer, a gamer, a game dev, among other things that don't equate to workable skills. Problem: there's no job market for me in this because my skills in game dev are mainly in using a damn engine and requiring help from others in my weak points, and creative writing is something I can't do consistently.

    Anyway, this is why I'm so angry. Above all, this impacts my passions massively. I do have the archived version of VX Ace, but that's just it. I don't want to rely on that solely. I can't, actually, since Degica is an asshole about archived RM engines, even if I have a legitimate version. Damn you, VALVE!!!!

    Well, if this is how this is going to pan out, this will likely be the end. There's a bridge not far from here...
     
    Edit, Addendum + Update:
    @Kayzee, dearest love, helped with using a single command line addition that I never would of thought of otherwise.
    I also put that up on the Help forums on Steam.
    https://steamcommunity.com/discussions/forum/1/1747892868508766812/
    Now Steam runs just fine, but the thing is... in my settings, Big Picture on startup is unticked. So, it makes one wonder if somehow, someway, there's some hidden away setting or flag that allowed Big Picture to start when starting Steam. Not that I have to worry about it now since I intend to not allow Steam to run it (I'll use that shortcut instead-no problem).

    Of course, all this, it still adds up to unfair and unearned stress that wasted my time and everyone else's too. For that, I apologize on Valve's behalf since they won't.
    They likely wouldn't care...grrrr...

    :(
  11. PhoenixSoul
    (Spoiler includes potentially NSFW stuffs)
     
    Right now, I'm still pulling together various bits, but I am pretty sure I'll have a demo out soon.

    I'm gonna spoil a couple of things.

    This game will contain soundscares. Right now, I just have a few soundscares in place, but they'll be fairly common in the game and a small part of the story.
     
    I also intend to have scenes where you're being chased, or are traveling, and I intend to have those in Mode 7, if possible. I don't have all that worked out just yet, but I am getting there.
     
    I am still trying to figure out if I'll be able to have art-depictions of various cutscenes or if those will all be text, but either way, I hope to produce an enjoyable experience.
     
     
  12. PhoenixSoul

    Entry 008: Ramsey

    By PhoenixSoul,

    Yes, that's the name of the game, and the main character.
     
    I already have some art done, but it's demo art. The actual in-game facesets and sprites will be handled by Neon Black's Character Customization script, which I have a fairly decent handle on, but I'm not going to be doing anything with that until after I get far along in game development. I figured out a way to make the female character sprite for Looseleaf have a flat chest, and I am also using MV's angled faces. Oh, and I'm also using MV's hair for the sprites. I have to shrink the hair and move it around, but it works.

    "Why is her name Ramsey? Jon Benet Ramsey??"

    Ramsey is partially based on a short story I read long ago, about a grifter by the same name, who is feminine, a runaway, and a victim of rampant child abuse. If I were to go much further into detail, someone like @Rikifive would likely tell me to edit this, so I won't. I forget who wrote it, but I got the distinct feeling that the author had some relatable feelings.

    One of the main differences is that the short story was told from the eyes of a grifter back in the 1800's, whilst Ramsey, my game, is set in a non-linear timeline, akin to games like The Elder Scrolls that have no relation to the timelines of Earth as told by government.

    Ramsey is like myself, an Anarchist, which also contrasts (in part) the short story character, though if only because she never talks about it, but every chance she got, she'd urinate on the back walls of any religious establishment, and I intend to have Ramsey act similarly (off-camera of course since I'm not that skilled at pixel art lolz), since both iterations of Ramsey are only interested in religion as far as watching it all burn.

    Another difference between the short story character and my iteration, is that Ramsey the grifter was a massive alcoholic, whereas my iteration hates alcohol (ties into parental abuse), and would rather get stoned off of some 'dank weeeed'. Actually, both iterations of Ramsey tie their usage of drugs into parental abuse, but Ramsey the grifter was made to like alcohol from a young age, whereas my iteration refused and often got abused as a result.

    Something both iterations do share in common is their love of stealing, though my iteration of Ramsey prefers stealing from the undeserving rather than from just anyone, and also hates seeing thieves take from those that are struggling, even offering to help get their stolen belongings back.

    I won't spoil the story much more, but I will say that the biggest contrast between the two is that Ramsey the grifter ran away because she killed her last remaining parent, and even left her hometown, whereas my iteration of Ramsey went through two near-death experiences at her last remaining parent's hands, and decided she'd had enough. She made sure that her idiot of a parent couldn't follow her by injuring them, and took off with what she could, though unlike Ramsey the grifter, she made a promise to go back and face her parent once she knew how to do so without resorting to violence. If only she knew just how bad it would be.

    I'll also be detailing out how my iteration of Ramsey came to be who she is, rather than having the player figure it out with tidbits of info like how the author of Ramsey the Grifter had done. Since the first part of the game is story driven and far less about combat, it'll be easier to tell the story that way.

    Features:
    Stats that are different from standard RPGs
    Equipment that changes character appearance (in part)
    NSFW - Maturity Level 4/7 (sexual references, written depictions of various acts, kinks, psychological f*ckery, debaucherous acts, anti-government/anti-religious acts, uncensored language, references to LGBT+ issues/lifestyles, references to 'pop culture' and to other games and mediums, graphic game over screens)
    Multicurrency system, Merchant system, Crafting system, Relationship system
    Sorcery and Technician skill sets
    Death/GameOver only in some situations; loss in most combat situations only results in currency loss if that

    Completion to demo stage - 4%
  13. PhoenixSoul
    Last blog was some time ago...heh.
     
    No one is really around anyway, and no one really reads these so it doesn't really matter.
     
    "Clipped Wings? What ya mean by this?"

    I have this growing feeling that I'm permanently imprisoned in this mortal flesh, for reasons I'll likely never know, but whomever did this to me, they do not deserve my forgiveness, regardless of intent, because I have suffered without due cause. Such is not acceptable, I was raised better than that. None of it means anything now, because I'm more and more sure that this parallel of existence has excluded all signs of the Divine Twenty-Four, and whomever designed this parallel, is likely also responsible in part or in full, for my imprisonment, and there's a good chance that I wasn't the only one. I want to scream. I want to fight this asshole. I want this piece of immoral trash who did to me to suffer as I have, to know the pain I have taken on, and for one reason, one reason alone. To end false karma. No more false karma. Goodbye to you, Church and State, to hate-filled immoral mortals, may the Void claim all of it and obliterate it in one fell swoop. If it claims me in the process, then so be it. I'll take this whole parallel with me. Better off in full erasure than to allow immorality to continue unabated.

    I know I did nothing to deserve my imprisonment, nothing that any morally enriched individual would ever say that me being imprisoned was deserved in any form.
    I was not perfect, far from it, but my imprisonment in mortal flesh is a far worse punishment than I've ever seen given to any individual. It's fifty thousand fold worse than any form of exile.

    my imprisonment is a malicious act. Simple as that. It has allowed me to only suffer and never experience joy. You know what? I look forward to whatever calamity is coming, Yellowstone, massive meteorite, megafault collapse, black hole dissemination, whatever. I'll even take gray goo, lolz

    @Kayzee You do mean a lot to me. I wish you no ill will, far from it. I'd rather be pulled from this mortal flesh prison by your own aetherial willpower.
  14. PhoenixSoul
    So, yes, I have a new game project that I am going to finish at some point. No ETA on playable demo yet.
    The premise behind my current game project is a continuation of the story of the first Final Fantasy game. There won't really be any elements present from the first game other than some of the mechanics (i.e. sorcery shops and menu music), the characters are going to be custom designed by the player (face and sprite graphics are changed by what the character wears or doesn't wear as well as some settings the player chooses), the music and sounds are not going to consist in any fashion of Final Fantasy music or sound, only the story, and if you haven't played the first Final Fantasy game at all, then there's a good chance you won't even know you're playing a game whose story continues on that of the first game's story.
     
    The only thing present from the first game are the enemy sprites, though they are faithful recreations from the first game.
     
    This is a sideview battle system, and with everything I have in the game, it's going to be resource heavy (it is for me but it does run).
     
    Currently, I have all the spells finished and their shop items (using TsukiHime's Shop Manager here) finished so that the spells can be purchased. All the spells also are separated into three types:
    Destruction
    Restoration
    Alteration
    There are three spell caster classes, Magus, Cleric and Auril, the third is also able to learn some enemy skills and has the most Alteration experience. Also, the Auril is able to learn all three types of spells readily, though Destruction and Restoration spells are not learned at the same rate.
    All three spell caster classes can learn all three spell types, though the Magus will have to have a secondary class (using Yanfly's Class System) to learn Restoration spells, as well as to learn all Destruction and Alteration spells.
     
    I have the healing items finished, the main ones used in most situations anyway. Their formulas are done though I'll be changing their icons once I get that situated.
     
    I have the main characters fleshed out and am working on hidden characters that are unlocked via specific situations. One of them is a tie-in character to a side project that I have kinda-sorta started.
     
    Other than that, not much else to say.
     
    The other thing is that I started work on a ROM hack of Final Fantasy (NES), turning it into an open-world-ish experience, by allowing one to walk anywhere (almost), and by having ship ports in many more places but also on every continent. I also made other changes because being able to go anywhere means that one could face stronger enemies before they're ready to, so every enemy drops triple the amount of gold they normally drop, so that supplies will be easier to purchase, and I changed the starting amount from 400 to 20,000. I changed the way classes gain spell points and have it to where most classes can learn spells at some point, and also changed some spells to be usable by mages and clerics alike due to their properties being on the side of Alteration spells (things like status ailment spells that don't deal damage or resistance spells, etcetera), which both 'white' and 'black' magic have in their arsenal. Spells like Fast (Haste), and Tmpr (Temper), are learnable by any class that can learn spells to name a couple.
     
    I didn't change the cost of any items, nor any other stats of enemies (with exceptions to a few whose resistances I did change due to logic among other minor changes), but I did change bonus to hit percentages, and elemental weakness damage. The Harm spells (remains Restoration spells) affect more than just undead, and that's about it. Oh, you can land the airship on any walkable tile, and that includes the mountain tiles which I've adjusted to be a desert background for in-battle.
     
    That's all I've got for now.
  15. PhoenixSoul
    Below lies the original blog that has lost relevance.
     
    Due to the way I was treated on a different and now completely untrustworthy forum, I've come to grips with the fact that as much as I love creating, I'm no artist, no game dev, and most certainly not able to continue on. I'd ask for help but there's no point so from now on, unless by some miracle of Eden and Yggdrasil that comes in the form of a deep apology and pledge to never harm me again and to aid me in whatever I need, I'll simply be a gamer. Hello, depression, hello, darkness, goodbye, fairness, honesty, and light....
     
  16. PhoenixSoul
    (Entry 00F +1 was an addendum to Entry 00F)
     
    So, this year thus far has been garbage. Society has fallen to that of slavery, and even though there are the some few that have awoken to the horrible nature of Statism and Totalitarianism, it truly is a case of too little, too damn late because unless the few gather and demolish the system of slavery already in place like, now, there won't be any hope left.
     
    The Divines are already enacting their wrath, but not in favor of any mortal. Eliminating mortals en mass is what is happening, and that's it. Cosmic forces are reshaping the economic center of balance for life on this planet, and there's not a thing mortals can do to stop that. Even if mortal kind wakes up en mass and destroys the system of imbalance and immorality, it's not going to stop the cosmic forces from enacting the rebalancing of life energy.
     
    But that's big picture stuff. None of that matters right now. It's just something I can take solace in later.
     
    Right now, I'm wracked with worry because of the fact that I am too honest and stand up for those who cannot or will not stand up for themselves, making myself an even larger target for abuse.
     
    My dog, Oscar is turning fourteen this year. That's old for any dog, even more so for a Pug, whose lifespan expectancy is eight to ten years. Oscar is not in the best of health, hasn't been for a couple years, but is in okay health for his age, in comparison to Max, our other pug who was put down back in 2016 (before the move/knowing that we'd have to move) after having a seizure and basically never really coming out of it. Max' health was horrible in comparison; he had gone almost completely deaf, and was pretty much blind. His bark was shrill, and he didn't move around much near the end. He was overweight and his mobility was lackluster at best. He was thirteen, and though it was sad to know he was gone, I'm so glad he's gone; he no longer suffers and no longer feels pain. He's in the capable hands of Eden now, and that thought does trigger some good feelings. Anyway, Oscar in comparison can still hear, see, is still able to move, and has more energy.
    But he's still old and is weakening, and that can be seen when he's walking around outside (since we don't have a yard like Oscar needs he has to be on a leash - well because of this stupid law I won't talk about here anyway). Whenever he does his business, he actually takes longer and there are times when he'll stop and act like he's going to, but doesn't. He'll do this a few times before actually doing it. We always pick up after him (and often times after others that don't), but it is when he squats and does nothing, that's what is now causing people to abuse us with false claims and I took a stand against it because my Stockholm Syndrome-ridden roommates won't. If worse come to worse because of this...
     
    I won't allow myself to live life homeless. I'll be straight with you all.
    I may be close to having a demo ready, but it doesn't mean a damn thing if I have no stable place to work from and live.
    Furthermore, if it comes down to that, I'll be jumping off the nearby bridge because I'd rather curse those who abused me with my blood on their hands than die out on the streets (which will happen because I don't have resources on hand to deal with being homeless including the mental part).
     
    Of course, that's just me telling you this because that has been hung over my head and lain on my shoulders for so long, that it is an ever-present danger. If I could, I'd get a private security detail. That way, no one could harm me or my dog in such a manner ever again. But that would cost me more than dental implants would. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSS!!!!!
     
    It all comes down to greed and avarice. I'm sick of it!!
    (Oh, and yes, I've backed this up; I can easily reupload elsewhere and link it.)
  17. PhoenixSoul
    I've made some progress with this new project, and I intend to finish it.
     
    I have the playable characters planned out, and a story arc as well.
     
    I will be using the standard VX Ace style sprites, and forward facing face graphics the generator provides. Of course, most of my custom graphics will be made in GCH: PE (which has been updated to 3.5 as of the day of this post), but there will be plenty of variety.
     
    I currently have issues with some things, but I'll get them worked out.
     
    I also am working on a button configuration script that will allow one to customize what buttons function as confirm, cancel, menu and dash, as well as debug functions so that those that wish to test with a gamepad can do so comfortably.
     
    That's pretty much it for now.
    Obligatory shout out to the best ever codex manager, @Kayzee; you rock, girl!
  18. PhoenixSoul
    Back home, those that ran businesses that did not cooperate with the community system of equality and reputability, would have their businesses torn to the ground. Literally, and I've seen it happen. Even large businesses are not immune to this, and so when the time comes for society to return to their Anarchist roots, large businesses that violate the basics of equality and reputability will be torn down just the same.
    That will include pretty much all of Silicon Valley.
     
    These businesses have far too much power, and should not be allowed to exist in their current state. Pretty much all there is to say, but I know at least one person will have something to say in retort.
  19. PhoenixSoul
    Being honest, being kind, you name it, it offends at least one person, and it's one thing if said person is just an otherwise nameless individual who you'd likely never run into again, but it is so much more disruptive when it is a person of trust or worse, someone you care about.
     
    And yet...there's nothing to be done about it, it just is, and that's one reason why Earth is not a place where I belong; I was not raised to handle such cognitive dissonance, or to be more clear, I wasn't given the chance to learn how to handle it, which is why my imprisonment in this mortal flesh is all the more a crime against existence as a whole, because it puts so much out of balance, nothing is as it is supposed to be. Of course, I expect no one to understand this, so I won't explain further. I know one individual will challenge my viewpoint, and even if her heart is in the right place, ultimately, it only serves to invalidate my experiences, which is something I deal with far too much to even be remotely fair or valid.
     
    There are many more reasons, many, many more, but thinking about all this, knowing that all that matters is I'm here and actively being punished for reasons unknown, and I'm just a kid ffs (or I was when my imprisonment was forced upon me), forced to live as an adult would, and it is throwing me for a tizzy loop. It's hurting me, and releasing myself is most of what I am able to think about lately. I hate it here, I'm sick of the lying, cheating nonsense, and all I want is for it to end. Am I selfish for wanting this to just be over? I don't care what you think, I know the answer is no, and the reason why the answer is no is because unexplained, unearned, undeserved punishment like this, by default, indemnifies me against all ill intent unless I do something to earn this punishment, and I have done no such thing, which I also know to be true. In the eyes of mortals, I am the product of 'sin', but in truth, they have burdened me with their own misconduct, and therefore, I have no blame to claim. I am not a mortal, just imprisoned inside mortal flesh. I should also note that I am also not bound by any laws made by mortals.
  20. PhoenixSoul
    So, yeah, I've been on a mean roller coaster of emotions as of recent, but the fact remains that life is not good and slowly becoming unlivable. As sad as that is, I've found that anything I do to attempt to make any sort of changes at all, gets thwarted by everything and everyone, aware or unaware, the blame, cause and effect is evenly spread.
     
    I could talk about how things could be better, and all that, but I won't because none of it matters.
     
    All that matters is diving into the same debauchery and living by it like everyone else, regardless of how it clashes with you.
     
    The alternative is undeserved suffering at the hands of the greedy and avaricious.
     
    Of course, you know me, I take the alternative path and that won't change, but what will, is how I react to the way I am treated because I have reached my limit on how much nonsense I can handle, and I will be fair, but going forward, those that treat me like garbage, will receive the same, and if those that treat me like garbage just happen to be 'perceived authority figures', I will add an extra layer of shame upon them. This applies online and offline.
    Treat me like an equal, be decent, honest and fair, all square.
     
    I won't change my views on any given thing, but there are things I will be more vocal about, especially if it falls under avarice, hate, and/or greed.
     
    I am a disabled person, my income is fixed and very limited, so yes, I do accept donations, but because of the absolute f*ckery by the likes of PayPal and GoFundMe, the donations are to be cash by mail only. I've received a couple of these, and it works just fine, just slip the money in a letter or something.

    Next, I want to talk about gamedev in general. One of my main issues is that so much garbage goes on, that it really affects my creative flow, and as of recent, I've had many more periods of major creative stagnation than I've ever had in a year. That tells me that something needs to change, but the issue lies once again in my finances which are lackluster at best and not even in my control, for reasons unknown and likely invalid.
    "Why don't you get a job?"
    I've tried; I don't have the ability to be patient and submit applications on a cycle, my mind doesn't work that way.
    "Why don't you change these things, improve them?"
    That's as realistic as me growing a second set of arms, period.
    "You're just being negative."
    You be positive, I'll be realistic. (Thanks, Uncle Frank. -Home Alone)
    "(Transphobic/homophobic nonsense)"
    I look better in a dress than you do, you jealous or something? I can bind you to a chair and make you a woman...
     
    Yep, these are FAQ.
    Another thing about gamedev is that it is never something I can just get into; I do have to be in a certain mindset to get into it, usually the 'inspired' mindset.
    Sometimes, gaming helps me get there, sometimes not.
    I'm also one person, and yes, figuring everything out on my own is not possible. I use assets and ask for help because this is necessary, period.
    But it's not necessary to put a price tag on said assistance, and that is where I stand on that. If one says they'll assist but later on require some sort of recompense, that is an absolute deal breaker, and I keep 100% of everything, assets, or otherwise because that's the price of lying to me.
    But that's only applicable in cases where no initial cost was agreed upon, however, in a case where one changes their agreed upon cost to something that is unrealistic, it will end in the same, I will keep everything because I was lied to.
    It's one thing if it is reasonable, but knowingly breaching your word and harming the other/s involved nullifies the agreement in full, and the one causing the harm gets nothing. Period.
     
    So, anyway...enough about that.
    I'm going to end this with a little factoid.
    You can run RM in Safe Mode (it looks like garbage but that's how it is), and all one has to do is enable audio.
    it requires adding keys to the registry, but after that, a reboot into safe mode and audio is enabled. RM will run after that. You can play games even, test play, whatever, as long as none of what you program in requires Direct X, because there's no way that I know of, to enable that.
     
    Yeah, that's about it. I know very few will read this (I expect as much because I'm just a trans chick drama queen to most people e.e), but it's better than holding everything in...
    Well, I think so anyway.
    Until next time. Maybe.
  21. PhoenixSoul
    So yeah, I finally got my computer up and running once more.
     
    It's not a done deal; need to do more upgrades, but I do have a nice start.
     
    Upgrade 1: New Disc Drive; I once had a DVD-ROM/CD-RW drive, I have a DVD+-RW now (it reads and writes to DVDs as well as CDs)
     
    Upgrade 2: New (to me) HDD; it's a 1 TB HDD, that runs at up to 15,000 RPM, and when it does, it's very f*cking loud, reminiscent of old school PCs. I've made a Win 7 partition, and a secondary partition, and thus far, it runs decently. However, in many areas, there is much that could be improved upon.
     
    I haven't installed Linux yet; I'm not so sure that the version I had downloaded will actually run because although my CPU is 64-bit, I'm not so sure it'll handle a 64-bit OS.
    I had tried running XP from a burned DVD disc that I had been sent some time back, and kept getting an odd error message that made no sense whatsoever, until I saw that it was loading up 64-bit files. That's the only thing I can come up with. Ah well, I have Windows 7 running, it'll work for now.
     
    Another odd thing I ran into was when I reinstalled VX Ace. I did not have this issue before where starting a new project would lock up the program, but it started doing that all of a sudden. I was able to circumvent this by opting into the old non-Steam version beta, but still, odd.
     
    I also moved my MV Steam install files from my old HDD, and it started right up Of course, it still lags badly and I'm damn sure that if I didn't have that opengl32.dll file, it wouldn't run at all, but I'm still glad that @Radiant Arin bought the engine for me. I'll eventually get to do something with it, just need better hardware, lol
     
    In speaking of moving all my old Steam install files, I could do that for all of them and just have Steam verify them. It would make much more sense, lol
    (I'm going to do this for RPG Maker and GCH:PE)
     
    Oh, but what's the verdict on Throes of Damnation?
    Still shelved, but I have all the files; I can take what I need from them for other projects. Especially the scripts; those are important as I don't have backups otherwise...
    @Kayzee, darling, all that work you helped me with was not lost. 
  22. PhoenixSoul
    (all typed on mobile - I know, yuck - so help me out already dammit) 
     
    There isn't much to say about this project other than that due to a couple of reasons (one being more prevalent than the other), Throes of Damnation is being indefinitely shelved. 
     
    The first reason is obvious; I no longer have a working computer, and the possibility that all my files are gone and/or corrupted, leaves a strong possibility that the project may be gone altogether, but until I know more, I have to presume that I might not have any of my files, but definitely no access. 
     
    The second reason, which is more prevalent, and even if I still had a working computer, would be enough for the indefinite shelving, is due to my heavy use of a tileset that I borrowed from Luxaren Allure (I did get permission to use it), which is now no longer an option due to the artist disallowing any use of her work by anyone else. Ultimately, that's fine, but it really puts a stopper on the project because I have never seen a tileset quite like that one (because it quite simply doesn't exist). 
     
    If I can mitigate these issues, especially the lack of a dark, demonic and empty-feeling tileset, then I will continue Throes of Damnation. Until then, the project is shelved. 
     
    Shame, really; I haven't seen another RM game that uses a Duel Monsters like battle system... 
  23. PhoenixSoul
    I'm sure people are aware of things going down because of that jackass in the White House.
     
    If things go down the way I expect them to, I'd like to say good-bye in advance, because I won't let my demise be by the hands of anyone else but my own.
     
    Where I currently live, is well within the blast range of a primary target for nuclear strikes. Even underground, my chances of survival are low, and there are no shelters of any kind within a few hundred feet. So, I'll be taking care of things, and buying rope.
     
    I know what I'm saying is brutal, and may be ridiculous to many, but to Hell with the idea of allowing anyone to dictate what happens in any part of my existence, even the end of it.
     
    Some will try to run, or to hide, and I can only wish them the best of luck. Surviving the initial strike is only one part. Once the initial strike happens, further strikes will have no warnings.
     
    This is no conspiracy theory, no fear mongering nonsense. All this is, is the throes of someone whose life went from fantastic, to garbage, to futile effort, with no known fault of her own in the equation. Not saying I have no fault in anything that occurred, but to say I do have fault when I cannot think of anything I may have done wrong is just as bad as lying about it.
     
    ...If you've read this far, then I hope you're able to forgive my emotions as they run rampant. I don't want to end it all, but unless something happens that changes the outcome of this act of stupidity by the jackass in the White House, it will come down to those two options.
     
    In advance, fare all thee well; maybe we'll meet in Asuria...
  24. PhoenixSoul
    I've been dealing with a lot of garbage as of late, so progress has slowed to a trickle.
     
    I'm actually still figuring out story and locations related to story. That part has been difficult to do.
     
    Also, I keep running into bugs with syntax, a lot of times in battle due to some sort of conflict or NoMethodError nonsense or a number of other things. Some of it I've been able to correct, some I've had to disable scripts to avoid, and some I've come across due to Game_Interpreter being stupid, that of which I've decided to avert by doing some really shoddy backhacking.
     
    I've also been testing out some of the modifiers I've made to existing scripts, and I recently made a fix to one of my own.
     
    I made a scriptlet that changes the Dash button. I made it so that one could bind it to a switch, or to a variable (I've not written that out as of yet but I know how to write it).
    However, if one uses Yanfly's System Options, my scriptlet breaks Autodash, if one changes the Dash button (it works fine if left unchanged).
     
    So, I figured out exactly what runs Autodash, and incorporated it into a scriptlet. Took me about ten minutes. It works.
     
    Well, other than scripting...I've progressed very little elsewhere. I'm trying to cobble together all the possible summons, but to be honest, I kinda wanna go further into the game and see where that goes before designing those further. However, until those are done, I won't be able to redo the skills for each one.
     
    I have a few NPC characters done, and I've also resized some small battlers so that they can look like they're not meant to be on a Game Boy Advance screen.
     
    I'm getting there; unfortunately my excursion with MV was a big distraction, and it did kind of take from my creative energies towards this project.
    Well, anyway, until next time, true believers...
  25. PhoenixSoul
    "00B? What's up with that, mang?"
     
    0123456789ABCDEF == hexadecimal math, dumbass.
     
    "Ummm..."
     
    I don't have time for you, get lost.
     
    *cricket chirps*
     
    Anyway...
     
    I've recently watched various videos on YouTube, covering a broad range of subjects, which has triggered memories of my true life. Nothing too special or ceremonious, and the majority of them are from when I was still being homeschooled (explanation after I share my memories), but it does bring to mind the realization that I went through experimental phases myself...
     
    I honestly remember the first time I ever tried on makeup. It was a disaster, however, with my then very pale complexion (as pale as my mother's at the same age-but hers never deepened), the blue lip paint actually looked good on me once Phyllis corrected all of my mishap. For the record, one could say I was the equivalent of five when this had occurred, and my mother was a very busy woman at the time, drilling soldiers in her own armed faction so that they could one day, function under the guise of another leader because she was looking to step away from the battlefield, hopefully forever, hanging her glaive, armor and polearm up for good. At any rate, I went through the 'rainbow phase' and by the end of that, I knew that I wasn't like the other girls.
     
    I want to take a bit to explain how education works at home before going on.
     
    First off, education is not a systemized thing; most parents are going to take the homeschooling route, because a lot of the lessons/experiences can only be taught by the parent, which includes their own education. If the parents/guardians do choose to implement early academic learning, it often requires an in-house tutor, unless they wish to send their children to a suitable academy for the young (which in Asuria there is not one since the closure of Esan'noyuzan Academy due to the entirety of the region being deemed uninhabitable after the last freak storm that ravaged the already softened ground making all structures built on the land unstable). Since such usually invokes a rather high cost, it isn't suitable for most parents (education is free in Asuria, but there are costs involved in sending children to other nations as well as the possibility that the academy does require payment). Most parents go the homeschooling route, with tutoring intermittently, until their children are able to take the 'Secondary Exam' (the exam all people are required to take in order to move forward in their education as well as life in general).
     
    My next memory is actually a painful one. It involves the aforementioned 'Secondary Exam' (I put that in quotes because the translation to English actually removes most of the meaning but the exam itself is very trying and exhausting...)
     
    I was always one of those 'intelligently curious' types, meaning that I wanted to know more, and more, and more, often times taking under flights of fancy when I should of been making sure I knew the basics and could handle them aptly. This alone made the exam that I was to undergo very soon quite taxing. I never worried about it myself, until I was given a tour of the examination arena (the entire exam is done in one large area but is sectioned off into several different sub sectors). I could hear metal clanging, people screaming, in battle cry and in agonizing pain, I heard bubbling, sizzling, more screams of agony, among other frightful things, including what sounded like a monster eating people (actually this wasn't true at all-just an auditory illusion that was also a part of the exam), and a couple fighting over whatever, in which that ended with one of the two biting it.
     
    That wasn't the worst part. No, it was the nightmares that ensued, knowing that I'd be faced with that exam. What I didn't know, was the tour was one part of the exam, and though I clearly had hidden the fact that it was all very damn scary, I couldn't hide the fact that it had ended my distractions, and allowed me to focus on passing it. I passed that part just for that.
     
    When the time came for me to take the exam, I had just started developing (you know what I mean), so there was even more potential for me to give into the fear, turn tail and run. However, my intelligently curious mind came at this exam strongly, and the fear, while there initially, started to fade, and by the time that part of the exam had concluded, I was face to face with the same monster from the auditory illusion, and I still remember what I said...
    "You think you're so powerful, so strong, so much higher than I, but you're wrong. I know how to hurt you, so try anything. I dare you."
    I was poised in a fighting stance I had observed my mother take so many times, and that was it. It all vanished, faded to white, and I awoke in my own bed. That's how the exam concludes for all that take it, pass or fail. Believe it or not, I failed the exam, not because I didn't face my fears, but because I faced them in a manner that invoked the idea that I was behaving like a twat. Yep, I showed my immaturity, by allowing myself to be exposed to unnecessary risk. However, I knew that if I took the exam again, that unless they completely wiped my memory of the first exam and presented different challenges, that I'd fail to meet their standards time and time again. This realization forced me to consult my mother, and my auntie. It was painful, because I knew that I was better than their standards, yet I couldn't pass their standards. So, after receiving their advice on taking the higher road, which involved petitioning the exam committee on revoking their failing marks, I decided to seek the advice of another, just to see if I could perchance a balance of opinions. I went to Liusya, who then was just a really close friend, but someone I admired a great deal, despite the fact that she to me was like one of those emo chicks that has the habit of cutting herself with large razor blades (excuse the stereotype nonsense) as a comparison, but you know what they say about how opposites attract...Liusya was a very dark, very mysterious woman, and still is, though her look would be more comparative to Dark Victorian than Emo. I went to her, and asked her about this. She told me that she passed her own exam after shaming the committee for using fear as a double standard mongering board.
    I weighed my options, and decided on taking the advice I was given, and made it into my own. I authored a short narrative on how I felt the exam was favored towards fear as a double standard, and included how I felt about each member of the committee, as well as any individual who showed their truest merits, only to be discredited. I gave it to the press to mass author, and within a short time, I received a response. My failed mark remained intact, and I had been barred from retaking the exam. I chose to not allow this.
    I took the pain I had been unfairly burdened with, and one of the swords from the armory, and in my righteous fury, I slashed the entirety of the exam arena. My fury and inner power went through the blade, causing some of the parts to ignite. After my fury was exhausted, I knelt and rested on the blade, burdened by fatigue. One could say that the amount of damage I did would be more than a hundred mortal men could do, in a fraction of the time. For me, one so young, to perform this feat at all was amazing, to have it not kill me (well, to evaporate my life energy anyway), was beyond incredible. My brother, whom had also failed the exam because of his ineptitude at understanding primal fear (he's even more analytical and skeptical than I), came to my aid, and carried me home.
    I never passed the exam, however, said exam was to be rebuilt with more than just grounding fear in mind. I and my brother are still barred from the exam, however...
    There is a silver lining to this. While said exam is required to enter some of the higher qualified academies, the nearest one to my hometown had no such requirements, and my exam results were very pleasing, as well as my capabilities in destroying the exam arena. I didn't have to take any pre-qualifiers, I was admitted right away.
    I guess the most painful part is the hate I was shown, because it was unearned. Like the hate I've been burdened with while imprisoned on this planet...ironic, isn't it? Only I don't have the power to destroy the hatred I was shown now, at least, not in the same way.
     
    The next memory actually ties into the previous, because it occurred not too long after I started at the Academy.
    One of my favorite things to do is sample food from various cultures and walks of life. I was intrigued immediately about this thing called 'barbecuing', and asked the one organizing a group around this type of thing, a boy about my level of academic growth and two others. "It'll be messy, gritty and down to earth; make sure to dress the part." I signed up, knowing that I was already into that kind of thing (given extracting ingredients for alchemy often requires getting very dirty if not covered in filth, sweat and blood and I love it).
    One of the features of the group's itinerary was the nearby beach; we'd often go there for our barbecues and such, and we'd bring our own stuff for the feasting fun times.
    I was one of two girls that would bring along the med kits we made ourselves, just in case; this would become useful as we got into rounding up certain types of jellyfish to be barbecued.
    Yes, one of our frequent ventures would be the barbecued jellyfish, smoked cockatrice tail and red wine, a cultural meal from the Andoboraji region, about a comparative three days' journey from Asuria by sea, about a whole lunar phase if one walks there by using the sandbar trails when the tides are low.
    We were the Beach Barbecue Squad, and though it was myself, seven other girls, five boys and four non-binary people, mainly from the Academy and otherwise living very far apart, they were like a second family to me. Even Liusya was a part for a while, though her skin wasn't too fond of spending a lot of time in the sun (can't blame her for that), so she would end up joining a group whose activities were mostly indoors or under the moonlight. The Moonlighters. I too was a part of their numbers, so I was around Liusya a lot, and that is how we became very close.
     
    I miss them, the Beach Barbecuers and the Moonlighters.
     
    But I also miss the times when I actually got to leave Asuria and go to another land, often to try their cuisine and/or activities.
     
    There's this video online that has a catgirl catching and swallowing a live goldfish. I watched it and it reminded me of the next memory.
     
    I once traveled to a land whose delicacies were quite eccentric. Yutai is an island chain nation, and it is very hot for most of the lunar season. Anyway, I was still in my rainbow phase, and blue/purple was my favorite ensemble at this point, as were purple foods and drinks, like the live perch I'd get at one of the inns I stayed at during my trip to Yutai (I was part of an exploration group at the time). They had all sorts of live fish and other such delicacies, but the goldfish were far too expensive at 40 Raijin a piece (I had been afforded 100 Raijin total which was to last me the whole trip with no exceptions), so I went with the local perch, which was 2 Raijin. You get three of the perch, but I gave the other two to the boy I was sitting with, because I swallowed one, and was put off by it. I bought a bread loafette later and some apple cider. A good memory, but of bad flavor. I'm sure the goldfish would of been better, well, maybe...
     
    There is one other memory, but my first experience at Paulina's, a dress-up parlour that serves anyone, is NC-17 at best, so I'll just leave it at that.
     
    One issue with memories from my true life coming back, is the cost of memories of this fake life I've been forced to live. I don't remember a lot of things, and most recently, that included someone that recognized me, that I don't remember at all. Like, not even a 'familiarity' thing. Limited memory capacity? The throes of mortality...damnation.
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