Thoughts on my story so far?

[Anderfell 2]

Here's The Story

 

You play as Anderfell and young warrior with a natural talent for Hunting and you wake up in you house due to a storm which is a rare thing and a bad thing were you live.

You go out side and Rierie(The item store owner and good friend) who has a small crush on you comes to you in a panic and informs you that her father and some towns people have left town to go to a place named Abyssal Temple to find out why the warding stone has failed and monsters have started appearing outside town and around the area.

 

You agree to find out whats happening with warding stone and she tells you to be careful and hands Anderfell some supply's.

Anderfell heads to the Path of Abyssal a area at the foot of the mountain to head up to reach the towns people and Rierie's Father as you battle though the area you find some injured Npc Villagers and Rierie's Father Victor Injured and pinned against the ground he cant move.

 

As the Anderfell see's the ward stone cracked and a portal behind a monster he spots a strange creature in front of it the creature calls to Anderfell for aid and tell you his names Slogoman.

 

(He is a Abyss Creature from a world in the portal a magic warrior who was sucked to your world though the cracked Ward stone) after a epic battle with the beast Anderfell and slogoman agree to team up and help the people back to town after a cut scene Rierie kiss's Anderfell on the cheek and tells him she cares for him and to be safe knowing he will never return home.

 

Once everyone had said there thanks Anderfell and Slogoman head out and start there adventure to stop the Abyss ripping holes in there world and causing it to end.

 

Added To The Story So Far

 

3000 years before the game.

 

The Warding stones are ancient magic devices that were build by The circle of the abyss a great magic order these stones are known for starting storms. the devices were made as a mirrors/entrance's to the world of the gods that were placed at the highest points of the world and were connected. There were meant for a single use that use was for the human race to ascend and become something more something great.

 

But to do this the stones required great sacrifice the life energy of ones soul. And after doing the unthinkable sacrificing many hundreds of thousands of people the stone's were ready for use and the Circle of the Abyss Shunned they powered the portal but something went wrong the Circle vanished and dark rips started forming all over the world and monsters and beasts started coming through.  

 

Years after the event of The Abyss a nameless warrior battled to the heart of the abyss going though one of the very first rips it took its toll on him and drained him of his life there was no going back for him only forward after the most fierce battles of his life he got the to Abyss Stone a rare stone found by The Circle which lead to them thinking it came from the gods and lead to them making the ward stones based off its design.

 

This stone naturally formed in the abyss and was very rare so the nameless warrior touched it in that second thoughts and images clouded his mind and he knew what to do he offered what was left of his soul to the stone and because his soul was pure it transformed the stone and a large beam of power of light gushed though both worlds sealing the rips and powering the Ward stones again in turn making the seals strong. As the portals closed strange shards known as The Light Sign a item in game for reviving players fell from the sky landing around the world and forming deposits.

 

The time of the game

 

Strange sightings of monsters and beasts have been popping up around the world and the great ward stones which all knowledge by this point is lost by time the only information people know about it is its old and power full and to stay away it has legends about the stones and how they are use to seal and open a portal to the gods some people believe that they are indeed used to seal monsters away aka Victor Rierie's Father

This is why at the time Anderfell had really no clue about the stones or the info about the ruins.

 

Due to battle with the beast, Slogoman after a bit of dialog he knows he is stuck in Anderfells world and becuase Anderfell chose to trust him and to help him Slogoman places's a little trust in him and agrees to help him and informs him about the ward stones and its history this is duing the cutscene in town. Mind you slogoman is a little funny about all the people and still very untrusting            

Edited March 14, 2013 by Anderfell

[+ Titanhex 284]

In writing class I use to review other people stories. One of the key points to this was that we came up with a series of questions about the story that we wanted people to answer. Things like "Is the story flow consistent", "Do you understand what is happening at this part?", and "What emotion did you feel at this point?"

 

By coming up with a series of questions you want answered about your story you will get far more critical feedback. Coming up with questions also helps you understand your own writing better.