"The Alchemist Hunters" - Game Story (Need Feedback)

[+ TBWCS 953]

A game story idea inspired from Paolo Coelho's "The Alchemist".

 

Title: Alchemist Hunters

 

Summary:

 

The world is a beautiful place, humanity is filled with love, happiness and hope. But not everyone is happy with that, a group of miracle creating people who called themselves "Alchemists" has turned to their own evil ways, terrorizing the land with their Alchemy. However, this is not the main mission of these Alchemists, each of them are in the search of their Personal Treasure, which is said to be located in the Tree of Life. A good hearted Alchemist named Theos foresaw that each of the other Alchemists' greed will consume them and turn into evil just to get these treasures, thus hiring four warriors to hunt these Alchemists and assassinate them, they are called the Alchemist Hunters, namely Ainmire: The Berserker, Clara: The Martial Artist, Thray: The Swordsman and Cera: The Paladin.

 

It was later revealed to the Alchemist Hunters that the name of the person who started the evil among the Alchemists is named "Melchizedek", a greedy King who uses the Urim andThummim stones and has been said to have used the Philosopher's Stone to achieve Immortality.

 

Melchizedek's power is absolute and pure evil, knowing that the Alchemist Hunters would soon defeat the other Alchemist and soon go after his head, Melchizedek creates the hunters' ultimate foe: Santiago - the first Homunculus.

 

---- Note: THIS IS STILL AN IDEA. I need fellow developers and story writers for their games to give me a feedback about this

[Euphoria 147]

I don't know why no one has responded, I think it sounds good.

[Wren 179]

Sounds like it has potential.  Of course, the devil is in the details.

[+ TBWCS 953]

Thank you for the feedback everyone

[Wren 179]

If you have any plot progression or lore details you want worked out, feel free to PM me and I'll try to bounce your ideas back with a different perspective and hopefully help you seal up holes and solidify your universe.

 

Looking forward to any updates you may have on this project idea.

[+ Sughayyer 163]

I really dislike Paulo Coelho, but I think you really were able to pick his work an change it into something interesting. I'm looking forwart do read/see more about this idea.

[+ TBWCS 953]

I really dislike Paulo Coelho, but I think you really were able to pick his work an change it into something interesting. I'm looking forwart do read/see more about this idea.

 

Thanks. I personally thought that Paolo's work is light hearted, so I tried to change it to a serious and bloody one. If I have the time, I'd surely make this one as a game as well.

[Spectre 829]

I see that you might've gotten a little bored reading The Alchemist. Not a bad book, but too "self-help-ish" for my likings.

 

Well, it's fairly generic plot-wise, but I like how you've tried to incorporate Coelho's works into it - that being said, one might ask if it's absolutely necessary. I'd associate Coelho's works with more of self-help and the relentless pursuit of destiny rather than corruption into avarice and using brute force to negotiate a return to one's true calling - perhaps you could incorporate this into the story as well, by going into depth on the warriors' destinies, even if they aren't Alchemists.

Perhaps add in a spiritual element or an arduous journey that doesn't involve so much combat as it does soul searching, and have some moral undertones to the story rather than "good vanquishes evil with force".

 

Of course, if you choose to go down that path, the story seems excessively simplified. Perhaps a little more depth into the warriors' relations with Theos and other Alchemists, and perhaps a bit of exploration into the idea of Personal Treasures, material reward, and corruption. Or even alchemy, if that helps.

[+ TBWCS 953]

I see that you might've gotten a little bored reading The Alchemist. Not a bad book, but too "self-help-ish" for my likings.

 

Well, it's fairly generic plot-wise, but I like how you've tried to incorporate Coelho's works into it - that being said, one might ask if it's absolutely necessary. I'd associate Coelho's works with more of self-help and the relentless pursuit of destiny rather than corruption into avarice and using brute force to negotiate a return to one's true calling - perhaps you could incorporate this into the story as well, by going into depth on the warriors' destinies, even if they aren't Alchemists.

Perhaps add in a spiritual element or an arduous journey that doesn't involve so much combat as it does soul searching, and have some moral undertones to the story rather than "good vanquishes evil with force".

 

Of course, if you choose to go down that path, the story seems excessively simplified. Perhaps a little more depth into the warriors' relations with Theos and other Alchemists, and perhaps a bit of exploration into the idea of Personal Treasures, material reward, and corruption. Or even alchemy, if that helps.

 

Interesting The original game story encompasses the alchemists' own desires to obtain power and Immortality and how Theos actually stops that through his hired band of hunters. The characters of the story has a back story how they became hunters, their pursuit of who they really are and somehow a connection to the treasure. I haven't written the other things yet. Thanks for the critique