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Overlord

So I'm working on a game. I would like some opinions.

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So I have a baseline for a game I've been kind of working on here lately. And I have the very very cliche story written out. And since I suck at a good story and suck at pretty much all

creativity I was looking for some creative people here on the forums to help me out a bit with my game's story. All I need are some suggestions to make the story seem better for the players.

This can change stuff can change at a moments notice, so just be wary of that.

 

The Story

Our story basically begins with a huge tournament that is held every 10 years. The tournament consists of 50 different floors the teams have to go through. Teams consist of 4 people each. In order to complete a level the team has to defeat the monsters that are sent to them in order to proceed to the next level. The tournament has a limit of 100 teams that can enter each tournament. (So spots are limited.) The teams are determined by having them compete against various monsters as an audition while being observed by 3 of the proctors that are there. If 2 out of 3 proctors pass them, they are entered into the tournament. Once 100 teams have been passed. Those teams are tested once more in a dungeon where only 10 teams are estimated to pass out of those 100. (So its a 10% survival rate on average.) Once the teams enter that dungeon they cannot leave. The only way they can leave is by completing it. They either pass, or they die during the dungeon. Once that has happened, the remaining teams are sent to stage 3 of testing where they are tested in various ways until there are only 5 teams remaining. Once the 5 teams have been chosen, they are sent through the 50 floors of the real challenge. At every 10th floor, a guardian exists. In order to proceed to the next tier that team must defeat the guardian. Once they have, they gain access to the next tier of challenges. After all 50 have been completed by a single team. They gain access to the secret 3 floors of the tournament. These 3 floors consist of the strongest monsters ever to have been seen so far. They have been specially bred for fighting and killing through years of research. on floor 53, the true challenge begins, the team must defeat a monster so strong, that even the gods have chosen to keep an eye on it because of its power. Even though it is guarded by some of the strongest humans that exist, there's always the chance it could break loose. The prize for defeating it in combat, is a magic lamp that will grant one wish to the winning team. After the magic lamp has been used, it returns to its true form the evil demon bred for combat, that awaits the team at the end of the tournament. Known as Tiamat, the Demon Lord (Still not sure of that name.). This Demon Lord was bound to the lamp by a powerful genie years ago while it was still young. It seems to be immortal however, due to the fact that once killed it turns into a wish granting lamp.

 

UPDATE I: The characters are one of those teams and they must compete in the 53 floor dungeon. (The game starts after they have already passed the exam and the 100 teams have been weeded down to 5.)

 

UPDATE II:  Changed Destroyers name to Tiamat.

 

UPDATE III: Each of the 10 floors of the dungeon, are held in different locations with different themes. Upon beating the guardian of the tower, he will give you the location to the next tower where the next 10 floors are held. My game also takes place on floating islands where the only way to travel between them is via the powered magic circles that teleports the user to the island across from the teleporter. The 3 secret floors are held in an underground area separate from the other 5 towers. Each tower also has unique puzzles, enemies, etc... Exclusive to that tower.

 

UPDATE IV: Added some lore background to Tiamat.

 

That's all I have for now. I would love some any suggestions/feedback for this. Thank you for your time!

Edited by Overlord

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You drew out a very broad yet on the other side, a very questionable story.

 

Are the characters going to participate in this tournament or is this a level up rpg where reaching the floor is the main goal?

 

I think you should clear this up on your game's story. Also, the idea of the lamp is quite nice. I've seen games that have some rewards but not something that returns to the monster. You should however come up with terms of your own to describe the item and the boss.

 

For example, you can call the magic lamp as Solaris.

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You drew out a very broad yet on the other side, a very questionable story.

 

Are the characters going to participate in this tournament or is this a level up rpg where reaching the floor is the main goal?

 

I think you should clear this up on your game's story. Also, the idea of the lamp is quite nice. I've seen games that have some rewards but not something that returns to the monster. You should however come up with terms of your own to describe the item and the boss.

 

For example, you can call the magic lamp as Solaris.

Thanks, I'll clarify that now. The characters are one of those teams and they must compete in the 53 floor dungeon. (The game starts after they have already passed the exam and the 100 teams have been weeded down to 5.

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Hmm, I see. You should concentrate on the story on that then. Although the weakpoint of this is that when you're going to make the story, the game mostly concentrates on beating the dungeon. Well if in each dungeon there is a story, that would be great as well.

 

As for the Destroyer demon, maybe you can change it to something like Bahamut or Behemoth... or Tyrant...something like that.

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Hmm, I see. You should concentrate on the story on that then. Although the weakpoint of this is that when you're going to make the story, the game mostly concentrates on beating the dungeon. Well if in each dungeon there is a story, that would be great as well.

 

As for the Destroyer demon, maybe you can change it to something like Bahamut or Behemoth... or Tyrant...something like that.

Thanks again. Working on that now. Each of the 10 floors of the dungeon, are held in different locations with different themes. Upon beating the guardian of the tower, he will give you the location to the next tower where the next 10 floors are held. My game also takes place on floating islands where the only way to travel between them is via the powered magic circles that teleports the user to the island across from the teleporter. The 3 secret floors are held in an underground area separate from the other 5 towers. Each tower also has unique puzzles, enemies, etc... Exclusive to that tower.

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This reminds me of Sword Art Online and Tower of Druaga. I have a question, is there some sort of rule for the team members itself? For example, you can swap team members with other teams or if you have one spot open and there's a team where three are already dead, then they can merge. The way I see it, there can be a whole lot of politics going on if you want it to.

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Well, it sounds like you've got the system and mechanics well under way, and you've figured out the skeletal structure of your game. But I agree with everyone so far; a constant dungeon crawler that's focused on beating one massive (if spread out) dungeon, you're going to need some kind of hook to keep people interested. That means a riveting story (or at least a decent one), challenges, conflicts between characters personalities, development of friendships and rivalries, the whole nine yards. I've seen far too many generic dungeon crawlers with characters that are nothing more than copy/paste walking character sheets from DnD. Without personality and flare, interesting NPCs, dramatic and/or funny dialogue, even finest crafted dungeon crawlers get insanely boring after the first 10 levels. Puzzles and dungeon exploration isn't enough of a drive to get most people moving forward.

 

I like the idea of the reward at the end, but I can think of soooo many things to twist it up. Here are a few, in spoiler form:

 

 

 

1. Make everyone believe it's actually 4 wishes that will be granted. The team of 4 believe they're going to each get 1 wish when they win, only to find out in the last 10 levels that there's just the 1 wish. Imagine the drama and comrade-testing story development that would make.

2. One of the team mates (of the 4 main group) has been working for their greatest enemy all along, and was sent to 'steal' the 1 wish from the team at the end after stabbing everyone in the back.

 

 

 

Examples, so to speak. Cannot emphasize enough how important plot development is in an RPG of this type.

 

 

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This reminds me of Sword Art Online and Tower of Druaga. I have a question, is there some sort of rule for the team members itself? For example, you can swap team members with other teams or if you have one spot open and there's a team where three are already dead, then they can merge. The way I see it, there can be a whole lot of politics going on if you want it to.

Once you enter the teams into the first exam, those teams are static and cannot be changed. If one of your members dies and you only have three members. You can continue on, but you will be without all four members, making it harder. Teams can however, merge. If there are two teams of two each, those teams and combine and become one team if they wanted to. They can also forfeit all together.

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Well, it sounds like you've got the system and mechanics well under way, and you've figured out the skeletal structure of your game. But I agree with everyone so far; a constant dungeon crawler that's focused on beating one massive (if spread out) dungeon, you're going to need some kind of hook to keep people interested. That means a riveting story (or at least a decent one), challenges, conflicts between characters personalities, development of friendships and rivalries, the whole nine yards. I've seen far too many generic dungeon crawlers with characters that are nothing more than copy/paste walking character sheets from DnD. Without personality and flare, interesting NPCs, dramatic and/or funny dialogue, even finest crafted dungeon crawlers get insanely boring after the first 10 levels. Puzzles and dungeon exploration isn't enough of a drive to get most people moving forward.

 

I like the idea of the reward at the end, but I can think of soooo many things to twist it up. Here are a few, in spoiler form:

 

 

 

1. Make everyone believe it's actually 4 wishes that will be granted. The team of 4 believe they're going to each get 1 wish when they win, only to find out in the last 10 levels that there's just the 1 wish. Imagine the drama and comrade-testing story development that would make.

2. One of the team mates (of the 4 main group) has been working for their greatest enemy all along, and was sent to 'steal' the 1 wish from the team at the end after stabbing everyone in the back.

 

 

 

Examples, so to speak. Cannot emphasize enough how important plot development is in an RPG of this type.

 

Why not 0 wishes?

 

XD

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Well, it sounds like you've got the system and mechanics well under way, and you've figured out the skeletal structure of your game. But I agree with everyone so far; a constant dungeon crawler that's focused on beating one massive (if spread out) dungeon, you're going to need some kind of hook to keep people interested. That means a riveting story (or at least a decent one), challenges, conflicts between characters personalities, development of friendships and rivalries, the whole nine yards. I've seen far too many generic dungeon crawlers with characters that are nothing more than copy/paste walking character sheets from DnD. Without personality and flare, interesting NPCs, dramatic and/or funny dialogue, even finest crafted dungeon crawlers get insanely boring after the first 10 levels. Puzzles and dungeon exploration isn't enough of a drive to get most people moving forward.

 

I like the idea of the reward at the end, but I can think of soooo many things to twist it up. Here are a few, in spoiler form:

 

 

 

1. Make everyone believe it's actually 4 wishes that will be granted. The team of 4 believe they're going to each get 1 wish when they win, only to find out in the last 10 levels that there's just the 1 wish. Imagine the drama and comrade-testing story development that would make.

2. One of the team mates (of the 4 main group) has been working for their greatest enemy all along, and was sent to 'steal' the 1 wish from the team at the end after stabbing everyone in the back.

 

 

 

Examples, so to speak. Cannot emphasize enough how important plot development is in an RPG of this type.

 

Why not 0 wishes?

 

XD

 

 

That, my friend, is what we would call a 'dick move'. xD 

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Well, it sounds like you've got the system and mechanics well under way, and you've figured out the skeletal structure of your game. But I agree with everyone so far; a constant dungeon crawler that's focused on beating one massive (if spread out) dungeon, you're going to need some kind of hook to keep people interested. That means a riveting story (or at least a decent one), challenges, conflicts between characters personalities, development of friendships and rivalries, the whole nine yards. I've seen far too many generic dungeon crawlers with characters that are nothing more than copy/paste walking character sheets from DnD. Without personality and flare, interesting NPCs, dramatic and/or funny dialogue, even finest crafted dungeon crawlers get insanely boring after the first 10 levels. Puzzles and dungeon exploration isn't enough of a drive to get most people moving forward.

 

I like the idea of the reward at the end, but I can think of soooo many things to twist it up. Here are a few, in spoiler form:

 

 

 

1. Make everyone believe it's actually 4 wishes that will be granted. The team of 4 believe they're going to each get 1 wish when they win, only to find out in the last 10 levels that there's just the 1 wish. Imagine the drama and comrade-testing story development that would make.

2. One of the team mates (of the 4 main group) has been working for their greatest enemy all along, and was sent to 'steal' the 1 wish from the team at the end after stabbing everyone in the back.

 

 

 

Examples, so to speak. Cannot emphasize enough how important plot development is in an RPG of this type.

Those are some great ideas, thanks! I will definitely consider things like that now. (I will keep it secret to prevent from spoiling the game itself. :P)

 

 

Well, it sounds like you've got the system and mechanics well under way, and you've figured out the skeletal structure of your game. But I agree with everyone so far; a constant dungeon crawler that's focused on beating one massive (if spread out) dungeon, you're going to need some kind of hook to keep people interested. That means a riveting story (or at least a decent one), challenges, conflicts between characters personalities, development of friendships and rivalries, the whole nine yards. I've seen far too many generic dungeon crawlers with characters that are nothing more than copy/paste walking character sheets from DnD. Without personality and flare, interesting NPCs, dramatic and/or funny dialogue, even finest crafted dungeon crawlers get insanely boring after the first 10 levels. Puzzles and dungeon exploration isn't enough of a drive to get most people moving forward.

 

I like the idea of the reward at the end, but I can think of soooo many things to twist it up. Here are a few, in spoiler form:

 

 

 

1. Make everyone believe it's actually 4 wishes that will be granted. The team of 4 believe they're going to each get 1 wish when they win, only to find out in the last 10 levels that there's just the 1 wish. Imagine the drama and comrade-testing story development that would make.

2. One of the team mates (of the 4 main group) has been working for their greatest enemy all along, and was sent to 'steal' the 1 wish from the team at the end after stabbing everyone in the back.

 

 

 

Examples, so to speak. Cannot emphasize enough how important plot development is in an RPG of this type.

 

Why not 0 wishes?

 

XD

 

 

That, my friend, is what we would call a 'dick move'. xD 

 

Hm. Not a bad idea to consider though. Would be a nice twist.

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In the terms of puzzles, you should put something like Conquest over Friendship. The puzzle requires sacrifice, such as maybe letting one friend getting sacrificed or an item getting sacrificed. Whether who the player sacrifices or which item it would be, should generate different results.

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In the terms of puzzles, you should put something like Conquest over Friendship. The puzzle requires sacrifice, such as maybe letting one friend getting sacrificed or an item getting sacrificed. Whether who the player sacrifices or which item it would be, should generate different results.

Or perhaps a test of loyalty like only making them think they are sacrificing a team member when they really aren't. And to test them to see if they value greed or their friends more.

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If it was me, if I may add, I always have those puzzles that permanently kill party members. How so?

 

Say something like pushing block puzzles or word puzzles. When the player fails to unlock the puzzle, the weakest member of the party dies permanently. xD

 

So think before you move. Also, I disallow saving at that time, only when the character dies shall the Save be available.

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If it was me, if I may add, I always have those puzzles that permanently kill party members. How so?

 

Say something like pushing block puzzles or word puzzles. When the player fails to unlock the puzzle, the weakest member of the party dies permanently. xD

 

So think before you move. Also, I disallow saving at that time, only when the character dies shall the Save be available.

Eh, I'm not a fan of sad things like that. But that isn't a bad idea though.

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This seems like a great idea. Dungeons often annoy me, but if the whole game was a dungeon, therefore not really counting as one...

I could see this working really well.

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