Make-A-"Wish" Foundation

[Heartfeltcurse 195]

Wish Granted! However, have you ever seen the movie "Alien"? Yea, you found them (because they are intelligent, very much so, they wouldn't be nearly as dangerous if they were stupid). Anyways, good going.they commandeered your ship (which you used to get to them) and have mass-produced it, and are on their way to Earth right now to kill all the humans and the real monkeys.

 

I wish for a Death Star.

[Spectre 829]

Wish granted - the laser is still non-functional, and for some reason, you mistook the thermal exhaust port as the docking bay.

No surprise for figuring out what happens next.

 

I wish my pistol fired explosions (obligatory air guitar solo here).

[Loriesquare 203]

Wish granted! Your pistol fired explosions-- right in your beautiful face, unfortunately.

Maybe you needed more training?

 

I wish for a slice of apple pie. And a halberd.

[Heartfeltcurse 195]

Wish Granted! unfortunately, the Halberd is half the size of a toothpick, and the apple pie is proportionately smaller as well. As a result, both are pretty much useless.

 

I wish that I possessed unlimited Smash Bros. Skillz.

[Spectre 829]

Wish granted! Two days later, you were arrested for fratricide, even though the execution of the killing was perfect.

 

I wish someone found a viable replacement for bluefin tuna. Seriously, it costs like $25 for a nice steak-sized chunk.

[MercyN'Metal 7]

Wish granted! There is a cheaper, viable replacement for bluefin tuna - it's called canned chicken. It tastes more like aluminum tin than chicken, which is fine because fish enthusiasts love that smooth mercury-like aftertaste.

 

I wish magazines would stop claiming aging actors - some of whom were never handsome in their youth - are still good-looking to women today.

Edited May 5, 2015 by MercyN'Metal

[Spectre 829]

Wish granted! There is a cheaper, viable replacement for bluefin tuna - it's called canned chicken. It takes more like aluminum tin than chicken, which is fine because fish enthusiasts love that smooth mercury-like aftertaste.

 

fish enthusiasts love that smooth mercury-like aftertaste.

 

smooth mercury-like aftertaste.

 

 

Wish granted. The women don't quite care for it; the men, on the other hand, are drowning in insecurity. Meanwhile, obesity from binge-eating and suicide plagues the nation.

Oh, and Steve Buscemi now gets a chance to be on the front pages.

 

I wish I could project my thoughts into Photoshop drawings instantly.

[MercyN'Metal 7]

Wish granted. Photoshop now has a legal battle on their hands, because your thoughts appeared on the screens of all Photoshop users (dubbed the "Shmexy Bug"). It was quite a violation of privacy for you, too. Users simply had to open the software to read your every thought.

 

I wish I could speak every language in the world.

[Heartfeltcurse 195]

Wish Granted! However, you ran into a madman one day, and he ripped out your tongue, so you can't actually speak any more. poor guy. at least you can still understand other languages, right?

 

I wish for a loli.

[Loriesquare 203]

I wish I could speak every language in the world.

Wish Granted! You can now speak every language in the world, including the forbidden tongues.

You accidentally summon Cthulu and other destructive beings, and the world goes into ruin.

 

 

I wish for a loli.

Wish Granted! Me too, so I take her from you.

 

I wish I can know what the hell is causing all of the script errors I encounter so I can fix them and move on.

[Spectre 829]

Wish granted! The problem is that your computer is rising up against you.

A robotic overlord will be arriving shortly to assist with your assimilation.

 

I wish that I could listen to the most beautiful sound in the world.

[Heartfeltcurse 195]

Wish Granted! However, because beauty is subjective, and you failed to specify who would perceive the sound as being the "Most beautiful" You had to listen to a 3 hour lecture by a old toad that explains why 2+2=4. in the background, a female toad is watching the old toad with a dreamy look in her eyes.

 

I wish I had my loli back from Eien..... and that he died and couldn't take her from me again.

[Spectre 829]

Wish granted. Since Eien's gender is "Not Telling", though, I assume both "he" and "her" refer to your loli, who also happens to be a hermaphrodite.

The loli dies. Fortunately, as requested, your male half of the loli can't have the female half of the loli. Because he/she/it's dead.

 

I wish iZombie had a second season.

[Heartfeltcurse 195]

Fuuuuuuuu

 

Wish granted! But the second season consisted of only 2 episodes each about 10 seconds long.

 

I wish for an apocalypse.

[Loriesquare 203]

Wish Granted! However, there is now a group of "heroes" on an adventure through the barren wastelands of the world, trying to heal the land back into its once beautiful state.

Sadly, they don't know what it was before...

 

I wish for a large monumental tower that went up to the heavens, piercing the skies and reaching outer space.

[magic2345 252]

Wish granted! But the tower was instantly destroyed because it was made out of wood. Curse you shoddy construction!!

 

I wish we all share the same language.

[Heartfeltcurse 195]

Wish Granted! Its a real shame though that everyone spontaneously went deaf except for like 7 people, one on each continent.

 

I wish for a unicorn.

[Loriesquare 203]

Wish Granted! You got a unicorn in medium-rare steak form. Enjoy!

 

I wish for a unicorn without the corn.

[Heartfeltcurse 195]

That actually worked rather well, my plan was to cook and eat it after all.

 

Wish granted. You got buried in a mountain of UNIcycles.

 

I wish I could find people for a D&D group.

[MercyN'Metal 7]

Wish granted! You became president of the Dumb & Dumber fan club and even got a cameo in their fourth film (which got panned mid-production and never reached theaters).

 

I wish there were more hours in the day.

[+ Brackev 66]

Wish granted. There are more hours in a day, but you work the extra hours and your weekly pay remains the same.  You are still as far behind as you were before.

 

I wish exotic pets were legal.

[Heartfeltcurse 195]

Wish granted. But someone brought a komodo dragon into the city, and it killed 8 people before being killed by police. also, this incident caused exotic pets to be banned... again.

 

I wish for a way to make this make-a-wish system actually do something beneficial for me.

[Loriesquare 203]

Wish Granted! The Make-A-Wish Foundation already does something beneficial for you.
The catch is, they try their best to ruin your wishes.

But still, it did something beneficial, right?
You get the idea.

I wish I had a pet turtle.
(Seem familiar?)

Edited May 13, 2015 by Eien Nanashi

[Heartfeltcurse 195]

wish granted, however, the turtle was taped to a active nuke. which exploded. wiped out you, the turtle, and everyone within 100 miles of you.

 

I wish for a Kawaii Shoujo.

[MercyN'Metal 7]

Wish granted! Your kawaii shoujo has rainbow hair, elf ears, angel wings, vampire teeth, and an enchanted chastity belt called "The Neverending Circumciser."

 

I wish I had a spaceship.