Nestat 80 Posted March 23, 2015 Hi! My weakness in English forces me to ask for your help again guys... I have 6 lines of text for two different characters, sort of a very quick resume. Could somebody please check the lines for grammar errors? (I'm sure there are some, if not a lot..) Thank you very much! Text 1: (Name) was 4 years old when he was sent to the Fushima-Yakari orphanage after his parents tragic car accident.He was forced to live for 10 long years under the cold hearted headmistresses dictatorship before he run awayonce and for all from that horrible place, to pursuit a better life, ...or death. Text 2: (Name) had a difficult life. Her mother died in childbirth and her father left her mother long before that. Shewas raised with much love by her granmother, although it was not an easy task for her due to financial difficulties.(Name) is a very smart person, she studies quantum physics at the Yakaro-University and her IQ is off the charts. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Loriesquare 203 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) Corrected what I could. Text 1:(Name) was 4 years old when he was sent to the Fushima-Yakari orphanage after his parent's tragic car accident.He was forced to live for 10 long years under the cold-hearted headmistress'(s) dictatorship before he run awayonce and for all from that horrible place, to pursuit a better life... or death. (You can also say "after his parents died in a tragic car accident"... if they did.)(If something ends with 's' and you want to put an apostrophe, it can either have or not have another 's' after the apostrophe. Just make sure you do the same thing with everything else. After a quick google search, it seems that having an 's' after the apostrophe is preferred.)(The "life or death" one is just my personal stylistic choice. The one you used is fine too, I think.) Text 2:(Name) had a difficult life. Her mother died in childbirth and her father left her mother long before that. Shewas raised with much love by her grandmother, although it was not an easy task for her due to financial difficulties.(Name) is a very smart person, she studies quantum physics at (the) Yakaro University and her IQ is off the charts.(Heh, I'm not really sure about adding 'the'. Your choice. Although I think it's fine without the 'the'.) There's nothing much wrong as I see it, or maybe I'm just horrible at English, too. LolEDIT: I did a few small edits, but not any more about any mistakes though. Edited March 23, 2015 by Eien Nanashi 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bahamut920 3 Posted March 23, 2015 To add on to Eien's corrections: The "pursuit" in the first bio should become "pursue". Alternatively, "to pursuit" could become "in pursuit of". In the first bio, "his parents" should become "his parents' ", with an apostrophe after the "s" in "parents". You're making a plural possessive, and when those end in "s", you need to put an apostrophe after the "s". Other than that, it's pretty good. I've certainly seen a lot worse. 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nestat 80 Posted March 23, 2015 Thanks Bahamut! I'll do the corrections Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Loriesquare 203 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) To add on to Eien's corrections: The "pursuit" in the first bio should become "pursue". Alternatively, "to pursuit" could become "in pursuit of".Darn, I didn't see that. I read everything too fast @_@ In the first bio, "his parents" should become "his parents' ", with an apostrophe after the "s" in "parents". You're making a plural possessive, and when those end in "s", you need to put an apostrophe after the "s". Whoops, sorry. I seem to have forgotten there are two parents. I guess I made him into a Pokemon protagonist. XD I told you I'm horrible at English (or not checking hard enough), lol. I feel like I didn't even study that. Or I forgot everything. Or I seem to be focusing at one word and not the whole sentence. Dammit brain. Edited March 23, 2015 by Eien Nanashi Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nestat 80 Posted March 23, 2015 It's all right Eien You did helped! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
bahamut920 3 Posted March 23, 2015 Whoops, sorry. I seem to have forgotten there are two parents. I guess I made him into a Pokemon protagonist. XD Heh. The Gen 3 protagonist has both parents IIRC (his father is a Gym Leader), but I can't think of any others who do; although I'm not too familiar with the newer games (anything from Gen 5 on). Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
+ EraYachi 180 Posted March 23, 2015 I can't believe no one caught the 'run' instead of 'ran' xD Hi! My weakness in English forces me to ask for your help again guys... I have 6 lines of text for two different characters, sort of a very quick resume. Could somebody please check the lines for grammar errors? (I'm sure there are some, if not a lot..) Thank you very much! Text 1: (Name) was 4 years old when he was sent to the Fushima-Yakari orphanage after his parents tragic car accident.He was forced to live for 10 long years under the cold hearted headmistresses dictatorship before he ran awayonce and for all from that horrible place, to pursuit a better life, ...or death. Text 2: (Name) had a difficult life. Her mother died in childbirth and her father left her mother long before that. Shewas raised with much love by her granmother, although it was not an easy task for her due to financial difficulties.(Name) is a very smart person. She studies quantum physics at the Yakaro-University and her IQ is off the charts. The last part of Text 2, you need to have 2 different sentences. Two independent clauses...but...don't worry about that part. Just be careful when using commas in sentences--if the sentence can be complete without the comma, then always use a period and start a new sentence. To be honest you have better English skills than many people I know, and they're native English speakers. I bolded parts that are in need of correction since they read a bit funny. 'Before he run away', 'run' is the present tense version of that verb. "I am going to run." "Will you run with me?". 'Ran' is the past tense. "I ran today." "I'm glad you ran with me."Good job! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Loriesquare 203 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) Heh. The Gen 3 protagonist has both parents IIRC (his father is a Gym Leader), but I can't think of any others who do; although I'm not too familiar with the newer games (anything from Gen 5 on).That's one thing good about Gen 3. XD That's the only exception I know, too. I'm not too familiar with anything beyond that gen either. Not really a Pokemon player, lol I can't believe no one caught the 'run' instead of 'ran' xDWoah, I guess it's true; another pair of eyes DO make a difference! Aaand that's why you tell other people to playtest your game and not just yourself... Edited March 23, 2015 by Eien Nanashi 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nestat 80 Posted March 23, 2015 I can't believe no one caught the 'run' instead of 'ran' xDWoah, I guess it's true; another pair of eyes DO make a difference!Aaand that's why you tell other people to playtest your game and not just yourself... Well i strongly agree with this statement... "another pair of eyes DO make a difference!" Thanks EraYachi! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
