Britannia Angel 8 Posted June 11, 2015 Twelve-year-old Peter is living happily with his parents and older siblings. They're not perfect, but he, like any child, believes nothing can break their family apart. Until a dreary rainy day comes by... Cooped up inside the house bored and with nobody to play with, Peter tries get his family together to play some games. However, he accidentally discovers his parents arguing, accusing each other and finally, threatening to divorce. Peter decides not to let that happen and sets off to find something that would remind them of their love for each other. While searching for that precious something, Peter finds a door into another world (think Coraline). This world mirrors his own, but the people who live there are alternate versions of his own family. (e.g. Mom is strict, cynical, and terrible at cooking, Parallel Mom is childish, but is a pro in the kitchen) This Parallel family is going through problems of their own, and spending time with them might help Peter figure out how to deal with the fighting back home. ~ So the above is a quick summary of Home, a visual novel idea I've had for awhile. However I've hit a bit of a block and I was wondering if I could get some feedback or suggestions that I could use to build up on. I really want to focus on the relationships between Peter and the Parallel family and have that reflect on his own family. I want to include up to three endings depending on dialogue choices and actions taken, but... I was also thinking, the "precious something" mentioned above would be a special picture (a wedding photo, perhaps?) that was torn up and hidden all over the house. When you find all the pieces, it would unlock the best ending where the parents stay together and mend their differences. So, any ideas? Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cuongeke1 37 Posted June 11, 2015 Coraline story was very attractive because it gives you a horror feeling people loves that feeling Your idea should be perfect for girl's game i'm not a girl so ... Hmm... but i think you should consider about these: - Main Villain: you haven't mentioned about he/she yet - How long do they live there? Why no one notice about that mystic door before? - I think you should give another Peter an important part in this story. Peter in this world is good so another Peter should be a really bad guy (main villain, perhaps?) Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
imascribble 29 Posted June 11, 2015 For a visual novel, I wouldn't think a villain is required. I do like the idea, however, that Peter in the parallel universe is a bad boy. Perhaps he could be trying to split his parents up in the parallel world, and the negative emotions are somehow leaking through to Peter's parents in the real world. Making Parallel Peter stop trying to ruin the family (either through violence or through talking him down) could be a way to save the family as well. Of course, violence might backfire, as your parents would be okay but you may longer be. If you want to do the wedding picture, if it's torn up in the parallel universe it would be very symbolic to their real situation. If you go with the above idea of Parallel Peter trying to split them up, finding the pieces could be a way to temporarily get them back together without confronting Parallel Peter. It would be a good ending, but not a great ending. This is just my idea, of course. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Britannia Angel 8 Posted June 11, 2015 I was thinking they just moved into a new home at the beginning of the story and that extra stress from the move could be one of the reasons the parents are fighting. The house itself could be pretty old, and have multiple secret entrances no one's ever found... and Peter just happened to find one of them. (What's the world I'm looking for? Antique?) To be honest, I wasn't sure if I needed a villain but the idea of another Peter as an antagonist does sound appealing. Though I do want to give him a reasonable motive for breaking up his parents other than "normal Peter is a child who means well but this Peter's a brat". How would changing one of the parents into a stepparent sound? Peter has trouble adjusting to having a new parental figure in the family. Parallel Peter is a reflection of the feelings Peter has towards that situation, and in his resentment wants to keep that new stepparent away from his family. As for the wedding picture, I really like that finding the pieces without confronting Parallel Peter could be a temporary fix to the situation, but not necessarily the best way to resolving the conflict once and for all. I think maybe having both the picture completed and having Peter realize he's going the wrong way about coping with the fighting (and therefore help Parallel Peter learn the same) might be a better ending. This is really good feedback and it's helping me a lot, so thank you! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cuongeke1 37 Posted June 12, 2015 Hmm... i still don't very like the story revolves Peter's parents problems. It may scare Peter, but doesn't scare me at all. If Peter parents want to break up (divorce), i think reattached a wedding photo won't solve the problem sorry but it's so unreal & unreasonable. Unless... it's a curse! Another Peter lost his parents long ago, he envies with Peter, he has sneaked into Peter house, stolen the photo and give it a cruel curse before tearing it to pieces. He keep making trouble for Peter to prevent him from finding the pieces of the photo. And in the end, Peter reattached the photo and break another Peter's curse, his parents returns to normal. This make Another Peter crazy. he turns to mad, berserk, insane and decides to... kill Peter's parents so Peter's going to lost them forever just as he was. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Britannia Angel 8 Posted June 12, 2015 I'm not really planning for it to become a horror game. It's more focused on story-telling and developing the relationships between the characters. Though that is a nice basis for a horror game... The photo by itself isn't necessarily the best ending. In fact, it will only temporarily stop the fighting, but eventually the parents will divorce anyway. In that route, Peter won't actually resolve the problem, he'll only buy time. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cuongeke1 37 Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) Alright good luck Edited June 12, 2015 by cuongeke1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Nhale 6 Posted June 12, 2015 Coraline story was very attractive because it gives you a horror feeling people loves that feeling Your idea should be perfect for girl's game i'm not a girl so.... Sorry, man... But this was really a unnecessary and unhappy post.... Now, i must say i also desagree with most of what cuongeke said ... your idea is great, Britannia! It's simple, original and real! I don't think it need to have any explanation about this magical door, or about how a wedding photo could save the marriage. You see, you are working with a child, so it could all be somewhat his fantasy. The things he does in this alternative reality are changing the real world , because he is also doing it for the real parents. So you can add more fantastic elements and it would still be like a real story. Congrets for the story, and good work with it! 1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
cuongeke1 37 Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) No i just tried to tell him that he should put more effort on his story to make it better. And you only overrated his story, spoiled him, you was cheering him to keep going on the dark way Yes, yes, go ahead, there is a light out there... go ahead, this is it, good! great! keep going that way Edited June 13, 2015 by cuongeke1 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
Whiona 310 Posted June 27, 2015 If the photo on its own were enough to save the marriage, then that would indeed be unrealistic and a tad corny. I like your idea that it could only stop the fighting temporarily. Just an idea: perhaps the player needs to use that short time frame where they're getting along to perform other tasks to save the marriage. However, if you don't manage to save the marriage in that time, the parents start fighting again and eventually divorce. So, fixing the photo could create a window of opportunity to achieve the best ending, but it also doesn't guarantee it. Otherwise, I like the sound of the story, so don't feel pressured to go the horror route. I think the focus on relationships and story-telling is way more interesting than everyone dying. There are plenty of violent games out there, and not so many that address a child's perspective on divorce. 3 Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
lonequeso 1,921 Posted August 2, 2015 i agree that a wedding photo would be unrealistic. I disagree that it's a bad way to end the story. This game is the epitome of fantasy. Attempting to explain the how and why of of every detail will detract from the game. In other words, who cares if it's unrealistic? That's the fun of making a fantasy game. You have a lot of creative liberty. Just be sure the story arc itself follows a cogent path, and don't add weird random things just for the sake of being weird and random. Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
