Game Information presented for Critique

[devonm0 37]

My project is currently at a stand still, but my brain continues to work on parts of the game that I haven't gotten to yet.  As such, I thought it a good idea to seek opinions from other users of the program, as well as those who may end up playing the finished product, while I'm waiting for my brain to work on the part of the game that I'm currently trying to work on.

 

First off, the name of the game is 'Chronicles of Camyre'.  I'm thinking of adding the subtitle 'Palace of Distortion', but that depends on how important the final role of said 'palace' actually is.  So for right now, just 'Chronicles of Camyre'.

 

Next up, the main characters of the game.  So far they are Arik, Una, Asido, Nodoo, Breena, Camyre, and Kira.  Note that not all of these characters are protagonists.  In fact, Nodoo and Kira are very close to the main antagonist spot.  The true antagonist however, is a shapeshifter that doesn't really have a name.  It's questionable whether it's a main character or not, but I'll include it.  i'll go into each of the characters more in depth below.

 

Arik was born in a world parallel to the one where the game actually takes place.  During the opening scene of the game, he is seen in his world talking to someone who looks exactly like him.  During the conversation, another person appears out of nowhere, and after a brief monologue opens a portal and thrusts  Arik's twin through it.  The twin grabs for something to prevent being taken through the portal, but what he grabs turns out to be Arik's arm, and so they end up making the unexpected journey together.  Arik wakes up in a strange house, made even stranger by the fact that he doesn't remember what happened.  When he is greeted by a strange young girl and a grumpy old man, he realizes that things are not how they should be.  The old man wastes no time in booting Arik out of the house.

 

Una is the granddaughter of the mayor of a town called Esidil.  Their house is where Arik wakes up after his journey through the portal, and in fact Una is who took Arik in, without her grandfather's permission I might add.  Shortly after Arik is kicked out, Una joins him on his travels to look after him, as up until then, and for some time after he proves to be quite brash.

 

Asido is a young and surprisingly skilled shaman from the village of the High Elves.  He is the only High Elf to be on good terms with the Dwarves, and in fact he serves as healer for both tribes.  The job is quite taxing, though after Arik and Una come to be on good terms with the Dwarves, Asido takes some time to pass on to a handful each of High Elves and Dwarves his skills as a healer before parting with his brethren to combat the forces that drove the Dwarves and the High Elves apart in the first place.  Asido is the primary healer in the game, and has a higher pharmacology rate than other characters as well due to his background.

 

Nodoo is a character who is shrouded in mystery.  in fact for most of the game, the people of the world don't realize they he is the one doing the things that are making everyone suffer.  Nodoo was involved from the very beginning, even so much as to say that he is the one who plunged Arik and his twin into the world that the game takes place in.  All this and yet he isn't aware of any of it.  Well in a way he is, since as he is his will is that of a shifter who stole his body.  He, the person who he originally was, felt his freedom restricted in a way few usually consider or even care about.  He wanted to experience the lives of other races in a way that only someone of that race could.  When he was promised that chance, he couldn't imagine the cost of accepting.  Now his will, the shifter's will, is that of a purely malevolent being with no qualms of doing anything he wishes.

 

Breena is a Dracomorph, a rare being that is the result of a love between a dragon and a human.  Though they are rare, that wasn't always the case, in fact there was once a prosperous city entirely inhabited by the hybrids.  Now, as far as Breena is concerned, she is the only one left.  When she was young, she was attacked and nearly killed by an adult male dragon who had a thing for despising hybrids like her.  However, in her dire situation, something happened, something that isn't supposed to happen until a spell placed on them at birth as released by another who sees fit to do so.  Breena's desperate desire to survive breaks the spell 50 years before a Dracomorph is typically deemed ready, and in fact she is not ready.  With the spell broken, Breena's dragon blood begins to course through her body, mingling with her human blood.  However, lacking the ability to control her dragon blood, the spell is like a dam in the ferocity of the repercussions of it breaking.  The flood of power instantly causes a transformation in Breena, one that makes her look like her father, though her mentality is more like a wyrm than a dragon.  In a thrashing rage, the transformed Breena brings down her attacker in a swift, terrifying assault.  However, she keeps going until she tires, after which she reverts and falls asleep.  That happens 20 years before the events of the game.  About a third of the way through the game, Breena joins the party to try to find meaning in her otherwise empty life.  She grows fond of Arik's trademark brashness, but not long after, she forces herself to make the toughest decision of her life up to that point.  To once again go solo.  This decision comes as a result of what happens when Breena loses control of her dragon blood again.  Arik tries to stop her rampage, and gets too close at the worst possible time.  The sight of the young human's blood is the trigger of her reversion, and after helping to see to his wounds, Breena makes the decision to leave after everyone is asleep that night, following some reassuring, but empty-sounding words from Una.  'Nobody blames you for what happened.'  After she leaves, she is not seen again until the post-ending story.  She is found in a desperate struggle for control of her dragon blood.  She loses the fight, and her dragon blood flows stronger than ever.  After a fierce struggle with Breena's transformed state, her physical weakness allow her to revert, though without saying anything she continues on her way.  Just before she is out of earshot, she turns back and shouts a promise to conquer her problem and come back after.

 

Camyre is an utterly mysterious individual.  All anyone knows about him is that he is the author of every historical text currently in existence.  As such, many have stuck to calling him the 'God of Knowledge', and his many works the 'Chronicles of Camyre'.  The truth?  As he rarely shows himself, no one knows that he is a Dracomorph.  However, where those like Breena mentioned above have no control over their dragon blood are referred to Dragonlings, Camyre, who has his dragon blood in complete control, refers to himself and others like him as Dragon Knights.  He is only met in the post ending story, first by Breena at the end of her journey to find someone who can help her rein in her out of control blood, and later by the rest of the party after sending Breena back to them with a written invitation to meet him.

 

Kira is Arik's twin that appears in the opening scene where he drags Arik into the game world with him.  They are separated, and Kira goes on to work for Nodoo, unaware that Nodoo is the one who sent him to the game world in the first place.  He becomes deeply mixed up in the 'bad guy' side of things, but after he finds out the truth, he tries to go help the player party before Nodoo stops him.  As Nodoo is about to be vanquished, he starts acting very differently, though the player characters don't notice it.  For the post ending story, Kira is taken over by Nodoo's former host, it having switched bodies just in time to avoid being slain.  Kira's own personality is more mischievous than truly evil.  He doesn't want to hurt anyone, so he really starts to get on Nodoo's bad side when he starts refusing to follow orders that involve killing.

 

The Shapeshifter is just what it sounds like, though at the same time it's considerably more too.  As is said by its only name, it is able to assume different forms.  However, how it expands this ability is different from what people usually think.  It feeds by assimilating whole beings into itself, which has the additional effect of absorbing the food's memories and gaining the ability to assume their form.  The Shapeshifter is without a doubt, a monster of the worst kind.  It appears to be instinct-driven in nature, but if that's the case, then its instinct is to destroy, and nothing good can come of that.  When the Shapeshifter finds Nodoo, he is assimilated in the process of the Shapeshifter 'granting his wish'.  However, when he is about to be slain while taking the form of Nodoo, he ejects the assimilated Nodoo under cover of the attack, leaving the real, innocent Nodoo to take the lethal punishment while the Shapeshifter assimilates Kira instead.  Then, when the Shapeshifter is about to be killed again, this time in Kira's form, he once again ejects the subject of his current form, and then takes hold of Arik, trying to assimilate him instead.  This drastic turn sets up the game's final boss, which starts as a one-on-one between the Shapeshifter and Arik, until Camyre infiltrates Arik's mind and lets Una, Asido, and Breena in to help.

 

I haven't gotten very far in actually making the game, but I've done a lot of thinking regarding things I haven't gotten to the point of making yet.  Also, I originally had other things I wanted to mention, but I spent more time on the characters than I thought I would so I'll leave it at that for now.

Edited August 9, 2015 by devonm0

[devonm0 37]

I now have a bit of a teaser written out, though to be honest it might be pretty generic.  If it is I'd like someone to let me know.  There's no point in a teaser if it's full of stuff everyone expects from an RPG like this.

 

Something is terribly wrong, something that all the knowledge in the world can't prepare you for.

 

A village girl is taken as divine tribute for a god that doesn't even exist. Two ancient tribes, long on good terms, are driven apart by someone not of either. A survivor of a near-extinct species is thrust into a conflict with herself she isn't ready to face.

 

As the monstrous Legion of Blackheart continues to send more and more of its forces through the Gate of Distortions, something even more vile threatens to leave its mark on the world. With so many already involved in their own dilemmas, will the people be ready when the time arrives? Something is coming...but what? When? Why...?

 

As Arik journeys in search of these answers and how he fits into it all, he will discover strength within himself that he would never believe. Meeting a number of good friends and a wide variety of vicious foes, will he succeed? Or will the world die trying?

 

You as the player will discover secrets about the world that very few know about as you help your group grow. Fight legions of enemies. Gather ingredients, be they everyday trifles or exotic treasures. Forge deadly weapons, craft useful equipment, brew powerful potions, and cook delicious food. Hunt for treasures and rare monsters. And if you've nothing better to do, help someone with a favor or two; it promotes community growth.

[EpicFILE 200]

There are actually a lot of details about the characters.

Although I'm a bit lost in finding the main concept of the story. (I can't find it honestly xD)

 

What is actually the story want to tell?

It have to be crystal clear. Examples:

-A young boy who possess a monstrous power wanted to be a number one ninja, a hokage.

 He needs to overcome the challenges of ninja to achieve his dream. (Naruto)

-Magitek Empire caused an imbalance between human world and esper world.

 Terra is the last hope to bring the balance between them. (FF6)

-Titans came to the world, and brought chaos. Eren joined the military in hope to defeat them forever.

  As he fight, the mysteries about titans slowly revealed... (Shingeki no Kyojin / Attack on Titans)

 

Above examples are a rough, simplified description of the stories I've ever saw.

 

That's it.

The main story concept needs to be clear and explainable even in short sentences.

So even the audiences can unconsciously tell what is the story about.

 

Several important things need to be defined when you create a story:

-Protagonist

-Goal

-Challenges (In any form. It can be villain, catastrophe, or even life challenges)

 

A clear concept will greatly help you to explore the stories easier.

 

It seems like the shapeshifter is important in the story.

What is his/her role to the story?

What influence he/she bring to the protagonist?

It needs to be explained clearly.

 

Before wandering around about the story details...

It's much better to define the main concept first, because it's the starting point.

So whenever you get stuck, main concept will be your guide.