Does This Even Make Sense

[Sleepless 26]

This is the problem when you create a spur-of-the-moment story, I think. Here goes nothin':

 

I started making my game, and it asked for a title. I put "Sleepless Nights", since it sounded cool and was kind of a joke based off the fact that I knew I would spend many a sleepless night im lame soz making the game. Since that's the title though, I wanted to incorporate that into the game itself somehow, and I'll explain how I did that later.  I also have to warn that if any of the stuff (including this paragraph itself) doesn't make any sense it's because I thought of it all at 2 in the morning one night and decided to just roll with it.

So first I made the protag. He didn't have a name, so as a placeholder I put "X" [you start in his house, so the maps were literally called "X's Room" and "X's House"]. This eventually (for some stupid reason) ended up becoming his beta name for the story, since I don't know what else to call him and I thought the name fit somehow.

The game starts you off in X's room; he wakes in the middle of the night during a thunderstorm. He goes downstairs and finds a letter near his door. When he reads it, it says that he's been selected for a "mission" that he needs to protect someone very important. If he declines to the offer it implies that not nice things will happen to him, so he decides he better listen to the Call and go find this person.

As he wanders around the forest [which the map is titled "a forest lol" since I didn't have a title for it] he goes to the lake near his house and hears a scream. Two people [a lady Paladin named Anne and a male Thief named Zavier] have a mage [female named Bluebell, a reference to an old Pokémon file I had] captive and are about to kill her. 

X bravely rushes to the scene and demands the girl be let go! Zavier tries to convince Lady Paladin to let Bluebell go, but she has none of it and battles X. She loses and her and Zavier leave. After they do, he goes to Bluebell and asks if she's alright. She says she's fine, but won't explain why those two wanted to kill her. 

Linking the two events together, X realizes that Bluebell is probably the person he's supposed to protect, and explains this to her [also mentioning the letter, which she finds perplexing]. She then mentions that she has to go somewhere important, and asks if X is willing to escort her, since that's what he's supposed to do anyway. He agrees (since he figures he has no choice) and the two head off to their adventure!

 

Sorry for the wall of text, but that's all that I have so far. Literally. I just finished this cutscene the other day.

 

I'm predicting a few questions, so I'll (hopefully) answer them here:

• Why did Bluebell get taken? 

...¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Nah, kidding. That I'm not actually sure of yet, but I know she was in the wrong about something because a Paladin wanted her gone, and you need to do a lot to piss those guys off to the point of such extremes.

• PALADINS ARE LAWFUL-GOOD THEY WOULD NEVER-

She teams up with Zavier because he's kind of "changed his ways". He was a Robin Hood type thief that gave his goods to the poor and downtrodden (though when he was younger he was the actual type of thief). Plus I think Anne needed someone sneaky to help her with this.

Also she wants Bluebell gone because she probably thinks she's evil or something. Since I haven't decided what Bluebell's deal is or what her link to the letter people is, that's kind of ambiguous as of yet. 

• What's "Sleepless Nights" got to do with this?

I wanted to make some kind of running theme with "nightmares" and "reality" where some parts of the game take place in a nightmare or a dream and other parts take place in the real world, and it's up to the player to figure out while they're playing which one they're in. I'm not sure about this idea though because it might make the story needlessly complicated. 
If nothing else at least the opening takes place at night and the two pull an all-nighter...? =D...?

 

So um. What do you all think? Should I just scrap this, or try to keep going with it? and if anyone read all of that this late at night I will love you

Edited September 1, 2015 by Sleepless

[Lord Vectra 414]

Sounds interesting; I would advise to keep going with this project.

[EpicFILE 200]

I catch your story like this:

 

Zavier is a dude who have a big plan. Anne sees it as a noble plan, while  Bluebell sees it as a... Well, dirty plan.

 

I think it would be interesting if those 3 people are some kind of powerful and respected people.

Initally, Zavier, Anne and Bluebell shared one noble dream.

They worked together to lead people into a better life (what kind of better life, it's up to you).

But actually, Zavier do all of that to fulfill his bigger plan (what kind of plan, It's up to you too).

With the growing trust of the people, he can then fulfill his plan... But Bluebell sees something wrong with it.

And a clash happens... (in an 'intelligence war' fashion)

 

I don't know if his act is right or wrong, though (yeah, up to you again) xD.

 

For the dreams part, if you feel it's out of place, then don't add it (except that is the core part of the story).

I think Sleepless Night is fitting for people who do fantastic amount of intelligence war (no time to sleep because so much thinking) xD

[Kayzee 4,033]

I can't say I like the whole "guy being forced to do a mission he has no details about" set up appeals to me. It seems pretty dumb to me. Though it would be kinda fun if Bluebell isn't actually the person X has to protect after all, and maybe Anne is instead and Zavier was the one behind the letter. I donno, that kinda sounds dumb too actually. Doesn't mean you can't make the idea work though! It might turn out good or terrible depending more on the details of the writing then anything else. Maybe it just needs a bit more careful thought and polish to make something really interesting. Who the heck is X? Is that a handle? Does he often do strange missions and get told to do things in letters without any detail? Just not enough detail for me to really say. I would say that just having the main character run into the scene while randomly walking in the forest and ditching the whole mission thing would work just as well.

Edited September 1, 2015 by KilloZapit

[Lord Vectra 414]

I personally adivse you to keep going only because when you create a project, you get new ideas. The details are a bit unclear or uncertain but I believe with a few lil touches it might actually work out.

 

"A artist's only limit is his mind." - Vectra

 

You break your mind barriers, you break the limits. You just need some brain activity. Read your story a few times and tweak it as you go. If you need help with that, ask a writer(you can ask me). Think "what can I add? Take away? edit?" Any story is possible if you write it the right way.

 

For example, Albert Einstein and Stephen Hawkings used a higher % of their brain than most humans; Albert Einstein being the top dog on the list. What's the difference between them and a normal human being. They constantly edited, added, took away, trials and errors. Guess what? They didn't give up.

 

IMPORTANT

Now, if you personally feel unsure about this project then I would advise to try to edit it but if it still seems unsure then just scrap it.

 

Hope this all made sense. 

[Kayzee 4,033]

Yeah! It takes a lot of iteration to bang out really good ideas! Don't be afraid to change your ideas! But at the same time, it's your project and all we can offer you is suggestions and ideas, so don't be afraid to stick to what you want to do either!

[magic2345 252]

That could be a very interesting premise, I'd say. But you would need to give X a reason for actually following the mission. Maybe the missions are frequent and something bad actually did happen when he neglected it. That would be reeeally horror/thriller-ish though XD. The mission itself is very vague though, perhaps give more details on the person that needs saving/protecting. For the Sleepless Nights thing, you could make that the theme. Like, maybe the game is dark aaaall the time, or maybe X can't sleep and has hallucinations/nightmares.

 

But yeah, could be interesting.

[lonequeso 1,921]

There's a couple routes you can go with Mr. X. You will need to at some point explain why he got the letter and why he just followed it without question. I don't know how deep you're looking to go with the nightmares aspect, but it opens an entire universe of options. My mind always jumps to the darkest, most twisted things first so I won't elaborate. Maybe that entire opening sequence was a dream. Maybe his job entails mission like this now, but he was a soldier or something or something tragic happened on a mission or in his personal life and he's losing his grip on reality. Post traumatic stress disorder or something. Maybe some malevolent force is causing the nightmares all across the world as part of some evil plot (like The Guardians.)

 

You got a very general outline of what you want to do. Now, you just have to connect the dots. That's both the hardest part and the funnest. Try not to overthink it. Let the ideas flow naturally. If you're having trouble developing the main plot, try developing the central characters instead. Figure out what they're motives are. Get a general idea of what their personalities are. Is the Paladin your typical noble, holy warrior or is she corrupt? Why is the thief noble or what made him turn over a new leaf? Get a general feel of who your characters are. It will help you flesh out the story. And go to bed! 

[Sleepless 26]

shdfohdsof Sorry for my leave of absence today... Seeing all the replies to this thread made me cry a bit omg <3 You guys are the best. Today was kinda terrible and seeing the PMs/replies in here made me smile.

 

Let me read through all these real quick-

 

 

 

I catch your story like this:

 

Zavier is a dude who have a big plan. Anne sees it as a noble plan, while  Bluebell sees it as a... Well, dirty plan.

 

I think it would be interesting if those 3 people are some kind of powerful and respected people.

Initally, Zavier, Anne and Bluebell shared one noble dream.

They worked together to lead people into a better life (what kind of better life, it's up to you).

But actually, Zavier do all of that to fulfill his bigger plan (what kind of plan, It's up to you too).

With the growing trust of the people, he can then fulfill his plan... But Bluebell sees something wrong with it.

And a clash happens... (in an 'intelligence war' fashion)

 

I don't know if his act is right or wrong, though (yeah, up to you again) xD.

 

For the dreams part, if you feel it's out of place, then don't add it (except that is the core part of the story).

I think Sleepless Night is fitting for people who do fantastic amount of intelligence war (no time to sleep because so much thinking) xD

 

 

Ooo! I like this idea here- This is something that I didn't consider. A lot of people seem to like suggesting that Zavier is the one who dropped off the letter, and honestly I actually really like the way that idea sounds. 

 

 

 

I can't say I like the whole "guy being forced to do a mission he has no details about" set up appeals to me. It seems pretty dumb to me. Though it would be kinda fun if Bluebell isn't actually the person X has to protect after all, and maybe Anne is instead and Zavier was the one behind the letter. I donno, that kinda sounds dumb too actually. Doesn't mean you can't make the idea work though! It might turn out good or terrible depending more on the details of the writing then anything else. Maybe it just needs a bit more careful thought and polish to make something really interesting. Who the heck is X? Is that a handle? Does he often do strange missions and get told to do things in letters without any detail? Just not enough detail for me to really say. I would say that just having the main character run into the scene while randomly walking in the forest and ditching the whole mission thing would work just as well.

 

 

^^; Honestly I only made the intro that way because I needed a reason why the main character would leave his house, haha. It was definitely a beta thing, but I do see your points. I'm more willing to say X is a handle anymore, what his real name is I'll decide at a later date. I like that final statement though- maybe he does just stumble upon the intro scene without the whole letter thing.

 

 

There's a couple routes you can go with Mr. X. You will need to at some point explain why he got the letter and why he just followed it without question. I don't know how deep you're looking to go with the nightmares aspect, but it opens an entire universe of options. My mind always jumps to the darkest, most twisted things first so I won't elaborate. Maybe that entire opening sequence was a dream. Maybe his job entails mission like this now, but he was a soldier or something or something tragic happened on a mission or in his personal life and he's losing his grip on reality. Post traumatic stress disorder or something. Maybe some malevolent force is causing the nightmares all across the world as part of some evil plot (like The Guardians.)

 

You got a very general outline of what you want to do. Now, you just have to connect the dots. That's both the hardest part and the funnest. Try not to overthink it. Let the ideas flow naturally. If you're having trouble developing the main plot, try developing the central characters instead. Figure out what they're motives are. Get a general idea of what their personalities are. Is the Paladin your typical noble, holy warrior or is she corrupt? Why is the thief noble or what made him turn over a new leaf? Get a general feel of who your characters are. It will help you flesh out the story. And go to bed! 

 

 

IT'S FUNNY BECAUSE I WANTED THE INTRO SEQUENCE TO BE A DREAM-

I thought of a scene where like, once they get back to the hotel or something where they wake up the next morning and X muses to himself outloud about the letter, and Bluebell is like "What letter?" and explains that he's supposed to escort her to some place that X has never heard of before, but apparently had already agreed to. I don't know- it was an idea I got aha.

 

I'm still in the process of motives, but I feel like all this support has given me a ton of ideas to work off of. I have a lot of interesting things planned for Ann and Zavier, definitely, but I want to work on possible other characters along with X and Bluebell to make it all sync up somehow~.

 

Also I did go to bed after I posted hah ^^; 

Edited September 2, 2015 by Sleepless