mv/ace Scalvose: Story Time

[Rezanta 373]

Hello folks! Rez here with the opening of what I'm working on. So, instead of babbling on, let's dive in!

 

 

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Long, long ago, in a land without inhabitants, two gods fought to rule the realm known as Scalvose. Thyrois, the god of creation, and Deiroace, the god of death, clashed endlessly for eons before the big bang. One day, however, a new threat entered Scalvose, known as the World's Edge. The gods fought the new deity with all the forms of magic possible, but due to its devouring nature, they were unable to defeat it. The other gods and goddesses wagered a plan to down this foe, and in the end, Pyrazumes suffered fatal injuries containing the threat. Many years passed, and fated bonds and lives were made and matched, forming what is known as Sacred Leaf. Led by Wane Kurriro, they sought out to protect everyone and thing living on Scalvose. On a fateful night, however, Pyrazumes died, soul traveling the plains to find a new vessel, until it met Will. Now, learning of the World's Edge and a man's plot to awaken it from slumber, Will must set out with grim knowledge of knowing the deaths of everyone... Unless he can advert their fate...

 

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  "I'll try again, again, and again to save anyone. There's no point in killing those I hold to my heart."

 

Will, the newly crowned god of fire, strives to please those he loves and cares for. Being aligned with Fire and Air, he's laughed in the face of water nearly drowning to save the most simplest of things: People's lost watches, old coins from collectors, and even a teddy bear or two. In combat, Will is fierce, nearly destructive enough to collapse surrounding places into abysmal fire if unchecked. His signatures includes the ancient spell, Nova Flame, capable of collapsing an entire planet into dust if untamed.

 

Relationships: Will's married to Crimson, a phoenix who's shy enough to make others blush. She's also sanguine, which matches her personality well with Will. Don't let her motherly softness play you like a card, though. If angered, she has enough force behind her to break bones with a light punch. As for other relationships, Will is Wane's right hand man, working strategies and opponents out for Sacred Leaf.

 

    "Isn't it best to strike swiftly? We don't want to be caught in a blood bath when the times turn for the worst."

 

Raiu Harikēn is a dragon that's split between four specimen. Her mother, half dragon and half wyrm, and her father, a human archmage, fled from her egg once she was accidentally dipped in demonic blood, tainting her. Once born, Raiu traveled feebly in search of her parents, only to suffer mass problems, ranging from murder to exile. Her eyes are grey while she's human, and has poor sight among anyone. However, she can feel the slightest movement of anything around her in a wide radius, can scent better than a shark, and hear exceptionally well thanks to her demonic side. While in her neutral dragon form, Raiu's wings are large enough to cover a twelve feet from tip to tip, and her light weight makes her a viable ally in saving those in need.

 

Relationships: Raiu almost never interacts with society, but she'll lend a fighting hand to Wane and co. when needed.

 

"You can say that you're better than me at dancing, but you can't beat me at cards."

 

Lek Nisshoku lives in a endless money-giving life, with empty pockets and happy subjects among the Xoa region. Being a king, he literally gives money to friends and allies alike, and even throws money all over the town he resides in. Talk about charity! On his off times, Lek is often found practicing alchemy and magic, hoping to one day, be able to help save everyone from evil intentions. He doesn't let that beat his battling style though! He can run across walls, act like a ninja, throw magical cards, and even use runes to parry off fearsome foes. He does have a fatal soft spot, however, which resides in his defenses.

 

Relationships: For a man that's on every woman's dating list, Lek goes solo around the world, attempting to attain world peace.

 

There also many other characters you'll meet, so don't fret!

 

That's all I'm going to post for now... But do feel free to tell me what you think! (I don't want to post too many spoilers just yet >.>)

[+ Chaosian 617]

Some editing notes / concerns.

• Who is Pyrazumes and why is the first thing I hear about them their important death?
• Sacred Leaf is a non-sequitur. I don't know what it is, just an abstract description of things it's made of. Clarify and talk about it, or don't bring it up yet if you're going to move onto a new topic.
• Why would anyone want to awaken an extra-dimensional being that not even the god of death likes. There's a reason why in Lovecraft's mythos Azathoth is the "blind idiot god", because you'd have to be a frigging idiot to worship it.
• Pyrazumes death should probably only be talked about once in one section. If you jump around, it can be chronologically confusing.
• Is it Pyrazumes that gives Will the power of futuresight?
• "...he's laughed in the face of water".
• Is Crimson, like, a literal bird?
• How is one accidentally dropped in demon blood? It sounds like an interesting idea, but it could be a really silly plot point.
• Who is Wane?
• What is Lek bad at?

A bit standard for mythology and pretty rough around the edges, but I can see potential. I dig the high concept of a hero that can see everyone's eventual demise, and think that's an edge you should push. It could be a really interesting exploration into fate / free will, and potentially even a strong mechanic in the story itself.

I dig your god names quite a bit. So much so, that it becomes disappointing when I opened the spoiler tags to see yet another RPG miss the opportunity for creating an interesting and unique culture- for instead just Japan. "Will" and "Wane" are also pretty "Aerith and Bob" for your universe.

Edited February 22, 2016 by Chaosian

[+ Takeo212 1,079]

Is Will and Lek related?

There are many hair choices for characters by default in MV, and the fact you've given them similar front hair makes me think their related. 

 

I do also agree with Chaosian on the other points.

I find Raiu's backstory quite... eh. I think you need to watch your wording and details when going into details with her. Your summary makes her sound like that typical RPG trope that "oh, a powerful wizard and a powerful dragon had a baby because that makes total sense". Wouldn't she atleast have some dragonic features? Wyrm features maybe? Horns maybe?

 

On that note: So her wizard-y father had a relationship with a wyrm-dragon? That's a pretty weird relationship... Half human-half x, I could understand, but... ewie. She definetely shouldn't be so human looking.

 

I'm not saying it's bad ideas, just be sure to explain it correctly otherwise your story will flop. 

I look forward to reading more details though~

Edited February 22, 2016 by Takeo212

[Rezanta 373]

Some editing notes / concerns.

 

• Who is Pyrazumes and why is the first thing I hear about them their important death?
• Sacred Leaf is a non-sequitur. I don't know what it is, just an abstract description of things it's made of. Clarify and talk about it, or don't bring it up yet if you're going to move onto a new topic.
• Why would anyone want to awaken an extra-dimensional being that not even the god of death likes. There's a reason why in Lovecraft's mythos Azathoth is the "blind idiot god", because you'd have to be a frigging idiot to worship it.
• Pyrazumes death should probably only be talked about once in one section. If you jump around, it can be chronologically confusing.
• Is it Pyrazumes that gives Will the power of futuresight?
• "...he's laughed in the face of water".
• Is Crimson, like, a literal bird?
• How is one accidentally dropped in demon blood? It sounds like an interesting idea, but it could be a really silly plot point.
• Who is Wane?
• What is Lek bad at?

A bit standard for mythology and pretty rough around the edges, but I can see potential. I dig the high concept of a hero that can see everyone's eventual demise, and think that's an edge you should push. It could be a really interesting exploration into fate / free will, and potentially even a strong mechanic in the story itself.

I dig your god names quite a bit. So much so, that it becomes disappointing when I opened the spoiler tags to see yet another RPG miss the opportunity for creating an interesting and unique culture- for instead just Japan. "Will" and "Wane" are also pretty "Aerith and Bob" for your universe.

  

Is Will and Lek related?

There are many hair choices for characters by default in MV, and the fact you've given them similar front hair makes me think their related. 

 

I do also agree with Chaosian on the other points.

I find Raiu's backstory quite... eh. I think you need to watch your wording and details when going into details with her. Your summary makes her sound like that typical RPG trope that "oh, a powerful wizard and a powerful dragon had a baby because that makes total sense". Wouldn't she atleast have some dragonic features? Wyrm features maybe? Horns maybe?

 

On that note: So her wizard-y father had a relationship with a wyrm-dragon? That's a pretty weird relationship... Half human-half x, I could understand, but... ewie. She definetely shouldn't be so human looking.

 

I'm not saying it's bad ideas, just be sure to explain it correctly otherwise your story will flop. 

I look forward to reading more details though~

Thanks for the feedback so far, my friends. Lek and Will come from two different places, and although they seem alike, Lek's related to Xex, Mek, and Zek (Their mother believed in a ruling that having four children with the same middle letter would bring good luck). As for Raiu, I tried to get as close to the whiteness of her scales by reflecting it as her skin color, but you have a great point about showing more dragonic traits. As for Wane's name, there's a story behind why he chose that name. When he was born, his father had slaughtered his mother and forced the parasitic plant,known simply as Death Root, into his body, thereby cursing him to be eternally a ticking time bomb. The plant flourishes off of his life force, and when he's in a critical condition, it'll lash out to drain energy from any living being it touches. As weird as it may be, Wane displaced the "Y" out of his name to remember what his father had done, and that his father's name started with the same letter.

 

As for Crimson, I had to think creatively, and often less chosen path, of making her an anthropomorphic. Otherwise, she retains most of her actual bird traits. (So many people critize it that I've rarely said anything of the sorts.)

[Rezanta 373]

Hey folks! Here's some time for updates! To start off, I'll introduce the main antagonist, Xerian.

 

 

 

"Typical for you to be in my way. No matter. I'll simply slice the odds of your return."

A man hungry for fame, power, and death, Xerian travels around Scalvose, attempting to kill the gods he comes across. He's caused multiple wars, genocides, pandemics, and even tried to collide dimensions into each other. The sword he carries, Runis, is meant for quick damage, and when parried, it has a slight ringing vibration that bounces off of it. His combat method has included, but is not limited to, using sickness to kill off opponents, hostages, assassinations, unfair advantages, and using the World's Edge.

 

Relationships: Xerian does have two people he cares about. However, he's so distant from society that he'll do anything to get his way.

 

 

The battle system is going to be turn-based, and although enemies may have a slightly upper hand, the game is intended to be challenging at most times.

 

Now, for the fun little part, updating other characters.

All the gods now have their stories mentioned while you play the game, and some conversations that  will change due to your lead character.

 

Finally, to add one more character...

 

 

"I live to protect Scalvose, like I would my family and friends. I shall not back down until everything has been restored to the old green ways."

Wane has a caring personality, and although he remains silent and out of others' way, Wane stands for his beliefs. Being able to fully hide his "inner dragon," Wane seeks to protect others from himself, rather than protect against enemies, due to Death Root. Being a plant hugger, Wane uses many plant-based spells and abilities in battle, ranging from Blood Rose, which raises offensive abilities of the party, to Miracle Leaf, which heals an ally and boosts his TP by 5.

 

Relationships: Wane is married to Rei, but tends to stay away from home, tending to the world's plants that he has knowledge for.

 

(Small note: Sorry for no pictures, the site is not allowing me to post any pictures from prntscreen.)